Found in a Bookshop

by Stephanie Butland

To a book lover, a bookshop is not a place in the world, but a world in itself.

‘George Athey,’ he says as he holds out a hand. ‘New starter.’ ‘Rosemary Bell,’ she replies, shaking his hand. ‘Me too.’

George is quiet to begin with, because he cannot balance small talk with the overwhelming feeling of rightness that comes over him when Rosemary is there. So he asks her how her morning has been, and he listens to her excitement about being a real teacher, in a real classroom, with real pupils of her own, at last.

‘and you always try to tell me that I won’t be interested. You must know by now that I’m interested in absolutely everything about you.’ Sometimes when he talks like this, he sounds as though he might cry, and Kelly’s throat aches with the happiness of being so completely seen.

No wonder people who love books also love letters.

They had dinner in a pizza restaurant and he doodled a heart on her placemat while they talked about the virus and how it was spreading and how it couldn’t possibly get this far and disrupt their lives. It was the night they talked about moving in together. Little did they know. When she went to the loo he added their initials, and an arrow, and underneath he wrote, ‘Kelly is the woman for me.’ She folded the placemat into careful quarters, and she carries it with her like a charm.

Or has it helped her to see beyond her endless intellectual goal-chasing and consider that she could complete a PhD in overlooked women and also find a deep, human connection with a man who loves her? Is it possible that the two are not mutually exclusive after all? Trying to work out the answer to this question makes the skin across the bridge of her nose pinch.

They are reading something called Paddington, which the Professor’s daughter-in-law Sazan assures him is an essential part of a British childhood. A Peruvian talking bear in a coat and hat seems odd to the Professor, but he likes the vocabulary.

LOL

‘Are you coming in?’ ‘I might just sit here for a bit longer.’ She nods, put the back of her hand against his cheek. ‘Don’t get cold.’ ‘I won’t. I’ve got my thick socks on.’

Anyone who visits the Lost For Words website will find some ‘general prescriptions’: books for boredom, books for anxiety, books for people who are missing their families, etc. These are not self-help books, though there is a self-help section. ‘It’s easy to find the self-help book you need,’ Loveday explains, ‘but it can be harder to locate the novel or non-fiction that might change your mood or help you think differently. That’s where our book pharmacy can help.’

The closest we have to this is reddit

(people say I’m selfish, but I think it’s more selfish to half-commit to a relationship for the sake of the bits you like).

!

Reading should be a pleasure and a joy, an education and a promise, a release and an escape. The books you choose for yourself should never, ever feel like a punishment or a chore.

Here is a question that no one should ask: What’s your favourite book? And, if you are ever asked it, you are 100 percent within your rights to refuse to answer.

EXACTLY

He’s even starting to annoy her, now and then, although she will never be someone who complains about their partner to their friends. Craig has too many good qualities to deserve that. She enjoys that little twitch of annoyance.

He loves her. He needs her. He tells her that she’s beautiful and, ever since he caught her bunching up her belly and looking at herself in the mirror, he’s made a point of running his hand over her midriff and telling her how wonderful she is. He tells her, too, how much he loves her, how important she is to him. He seems almost scared that she doesn’t believe him.

She thinks of angry people in films, who push their car horns again and again and again as a way of expressing their fury. It had always seemed a bit theatrical to Kelly. Now she gets it. It’s not about alerting the world. It’s about making a noise that’s louder than your own pain.

‘She asked us to arrange a gift for you,’ Loveday says. ‘Before she caught Covid. I think it was for your birthday.’ George nods. ‘That was yesterday,’ he says. ‘I shouldn’t be getting older if she isn’t.’

MY HEART IS BREAKING