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Any significant sum of every day I’ve spent on this Earth will always amount to her.
My brother. Her savior.
Lady Bird is in the nest.
Meet me at the finish line.
After forty-four years of life, I’m positive she’s the only thing I can’t live without. And for the next forty-four, I will never love another.
“Fuck off, mutt, she’s mine for the rest of the night.”
And we’ve come so far. So. Fucking. Far.
In a matter of seconds, I will have done everything I set out to do. But it’s the first day of my sentence that comes to mind when I breach the doorway and charge toward her. In the flash of the seconds it takes to reach her, I re-live it all.
“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” —Edgar Allan Poe
Patience is crucial in winning her back, but it’s also my Achilles’ heel.
With us, looking is love, fighting is love, fucking is love, and even now, while we muddle through our collective but distinctly different fears, it’s love.
“No matter how we came to be, we were and still are. You stole my heart, and you let me love you with it, and you made damn sure I knew where its home was.”
Day one, Tobias. “Talk to me, Cecelia.” “Maybe I don’t want to.”
Trying to reason with love is fucking pointless. It doesn’t care about your reasons, right or wrong. Love has no regard for circumstance, nor does it give a fuck what state it puts you in. It’s a relentless and unforgiving emotion that will never let you lie to yourself.
“Are you fucking serious right now? We, as in you and me. She was never my future, Cecelia.”
Believe me, by the time I arrived yesterday, I made every effort to make sure you had no one but me coming for you.”
“I will kill anyone who threatens you. Anyone. I will fucking end them, Cecelia. I won’t think twice, and I won’t lose sleep over it.”
“Because I want this, more than anything else. I want this, you, us.”
“What hurts you hurts me. There’s more to say.”
Nothing will ever come between us. Never.
“I need you, Cecelia. I need to make you come. I need to feel you stretch around my cock. I need to hear my name coming from your lips. But I need you more.”
“No one hates me more for what I’ve done to you, than me,” I admit before I fully release her and leave her in a room full of steam.
“We both know I wasn’t going to make it to thirty, brother. Take care of her.”
Day one, Tobias. Day one. No dead bodies on day one.
but she won’t be fucking to-doing Greg. Not to-fucking-ever. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“The first time I saw her, she was eleven.” They both turn to me, but I continue typing, not sparing a glance at either one of them. “She was nothing but a little girl, but she was mine to protect from this fucked-up world. Mine to look out for. Mine to care for.” “Tobias,” Cecelia hisses in warning. “She came in later like a fucking wrecking ball and obliterated the image of the little girl I remembered. I claimed her then as mine to have, mine to touch, mine to possess, fucking mine.” Cecelia shuts her eyes, fisting her hands on the counter. I lift my eyes to Greg, who looks like he’s about
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That’s right, baby, fight me. “If you’re going to go all caveman, you can leave. That’s not going to fly here.” “Two things,” I mumble, lifting the screen to type the last of my email. “I would like a club sandwich, fries, and your phone number.”
“What brings you to this part of Virginia?” “Something I can’t live without,”
“Nice to meet you, Billy. I’m Tobias, Cecelia’s boyfriend.” Cecelia coughs,
You hurt, I hurt. Look at me.
defense. “I stopped lying yesterday.” I barely get it out before she passes through the double doors.
“I’ve wanted to do that all day, and if I did it once we stepped inside this house, I don’t know if I could stop myself. I’m okay with not being a gentleman because that’s not who I am and not who you love. Asking permission to kiss you? Never going to fucking happen.”
“Don’t disrespect women, period. They’re twice as evolved as most men will ever be. Don’t take your shit out on them, either. It’s a sign of weakness, and they aren’t punching bags. They’re a sanctuary, and you need to figure that out quick.”
It’s when a sob bursts from her that I clench my fists, determined to take the burden away. I did this. I will undo this.
Tell me who to fight. I will fight until they all go away.
Thanks for saving me the burden of packing, Wingman. P *
No wonder I’m addicted to her smell. I drink the contents of her scent nightly. In. My. Fucking. Gin. “Well played, queen,”
“You deserve this,” I say honestly. “Couldn’t have done it without you, man.”
“Stop eye-fucking me, and tell me which is it? You’re not happy about the car or the fact that you were going to have to face me in that house?” “What?” “You heard me.”
“That was my second run today. You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.” He glances at the car. “We can get rid of it, but I was the one who took it away from you, so I thought I should be the one to return it.”
toi.” I don’t like waking up without you. I would much rather wake up inside you.
You’re looking a little stressed. I can help you relax. With my tongue, and your pussy.
“You didn’t have to help, you know.” He cocks his head. “You know damn well I’m not irritated because I’m helping. I wanted to.” “Well, you don’t have to play dirty to talk to me.” “You sure about that? Because we haven’t had a real conversation since I got here.” “And now is not the time.” “When would be a good time?”
“Small talk is stupid, don’t you think? Especially
Mother, greet me. Father, keep me.
“I said I wouldn’t hide anything from you, and I won’t. I have these bad days, sometimes.” “What’s bad about them?”
It only takes her a second to nod before she straightens in her seat. “Like I said, I made the decision a long time ago, Tobias. Let’s go.”
Even in his slob state, he’s the most beautiful fucking man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And if I wanted to, I could go to him right now,
I’ll always want him. That’s a given. My body, heart, soul, all that makes me who I am, will forever ache for him whether he’s near or far. That’s a foregone conclusion my heart made long ago. But it’s that same addict’s heart that I refuse to give in to. For the moment, fuck my heart, I need peace of mind.
A sleepy, sexy-as-fuck smile graces his stubbled jaw before he realizes he’s been busted
