Solitaire

by Alice Oseman

“Michael,” I say, “you’re literally extraordinary.” He laughs. “Extraordinary is only an extension of ordinary,” he says. He’s wrong though. He is extraordinary, extraordinary as in magnificent, as in miraculous.

“Do you think that, if we were happy for our entire lives, we would die feeling like we’d missed out on something?”

Nobody is honest, nobody is real. You can’t trust anyone or anything. Emotions are humanity’s fatal disease. And we’re all dying.

“You do know me.” And he’s right. I do know him. Just because someone smiles doesn’t mean that they’re happy.

“I’ve never been good enough,” he says. “I get so stressed out, I don’t make friends—God, I can’t make friends.” His eyes glaze over. “Sometimes I just wish I were a normal human being. But I can’t. I’m not. No matter how hard I try.

“One person can change everything,” he says. “And you have changed everything for me.”

Ahh i love them 😭

“We’re all going to die. One day. So I want to get it right first time, you know? I don’t want to make any more mistakes. And I know that this is not a mistake.” He smiles. “You are not a mistake.”

He makes me believe that there are good people in this world. I don’t know how this has happened, but what I do know is that this feeling has been there from the very start. When I met Michael Holden, I knew, deep down, that he was the best person you could possibly hope to be—so perfect that he was unreal.

Michael Holden is just perfect 🤌🏻

However, rather than slowly learning more and more good things about him, I have come across flaw after flaw after flaw. And you know what? That’s what makes me like him now. That’s why he is a real perfect person. Because he is a real person.

“I think I’ve loved you since I met you,” he says as we draw apart. “I just mistook it for curiosity.” “Not only is that hideously untrue,” I say, feeling like I’m about to pass out, “but that is also the dumbest rom-com line I’ve ever had to endure. And I’ve endured many. What with me being such a fabulous guy magnet.”

You cant expect anything normal from tori 😭🤣

“So,” he says, slyly raising his eyebrows with typical Michael suavity. “You hate yourself. I hate myself. Common interests. We should get together.”

“If this is the best time of my life, I might as well end it immediately.”

Me when they said college is the best time of your life 🤡

we’re all waiting for something to change. Patience can kill you.

And there’s sort of a moment where everyone’s sitting and thinking, you know? Like that feeling when you finish watching a film. You turn off the TV, the screen is black, but the pictures are replaying in your head and you think: What if that’s my life? What if that’s going to happen to me? Why don’t I get that happy ending? Why am I complaining about my problems?

All I know is that I’m here. And I’m alive. And I’m not alone.