Solitaire

by Alice Oseman

Sometimes I think people only pretend to like each other.

Me too

the idea that bullying means that you fancy someone is basically the foundation of domestic abuse.”

Exactly

It’s just that it’s not socially acceptable to say sad stuff out loud in the real world because people think that you’re attention-seeking.

It’s because we’re so similar that we stopped talking to each other so much. When we do talk, we either struggle to find things to say or we just get angry, so apparently we’ve reached a mutual agreement that there’s really no point trying anymore.

I sit there, stewing in guilt because I am a terrible friend and a terrible person who gets jealous of my best friend for being everything I wish I was.

he is the nicest person in the history of the universe, and I know that nice is kind of a meaningless word, but that’s what makes it so powerful. It’s very hard to simply be a “nice” person because there are a lot of things that can get in the way.

I’d do anything for Charlie ❤️❤️

Nick is actually the human embodiment of a golden retriever puppy, as well as being Truham’s rugby captain and a genuinely lovely person.

Nicks a sweetheart 💜💜

I can’t really remember when Nick and Charlie became Nick-and-Charlie, but Nick has stuck with Charlie through all the hardest parts of his mental illness, so, in my book, he’s definitely all right.

❤️❤️

If I’m completely honest, I don’t even like music that much. I just like individual songs. I find one song that I really love and then I listen to it about twenty billion times until I hate it and have ruined it for myself.

“On the contrary, you’d probably be more likely to forget the most important things of all.”

“You like to act as if you care about nothing, and if you carry on like that, then you’re going to drown in the abyss you have imagined for yourself.”

Damn

guess you could say I’m not too fussy about gender.”

*aggressively waves all the pride flags*

“Everyone’s attractive, to be honest, even if it’s just something small, like some people have really beautiful hands. I don’t know. I’m a little bit in love with everyone I meet.”

Me too ❤️ Humans are just beautiful

“Because that’s life. Without organization, we descend into chaos.”

Do we? We should test that out. Anarchy

“There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.”

every single thing that you could possibly think about in one day decides to come to me all at once and suddenly there’s a small lightning storm inside my head.

I noted to myself that I should probably start collecting cats, seeing as they are very likely to be my sole companions in ten years’ time.

Me

We’re still studying Pride and Prejudice in class. It’s soul-destroying, and not in a good way. Do not read it.

😂

She hadn’t annoyed me when she’d called me, she’d just inadvertently reminded me that I hate myself, like many things do.

There is a line that you cross when forming relationships with people. Crossing this line occurs when you transfer from knowing someone to knowing about someone, and Michael and I cross that line at Becky’s seventeenth-birthday party.

“There’s nothing romantic about death.

On the contrary, have you watched Romeo and Juliet?

“I hate school,” I say. “You hate everything.” “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Haha

You hate everything, but you’re still beautiful.

Charlie is looking at me, silent tears falling from his eyes. He is so old now. He’s not a little kid. In a couple of months, he’ll be sixteen, like me. He looks older than me, for God’s sake. He could pass for eighteen, easy.

Charlie deserves the world 😞

He is staring at Charlie with an expression somehow simultaneously encompassing fear and love. I haven’t forgiven him yet, but I know that he will redeem himself. I know that he cares about Charlie. A lot.

Nick and Charlie 😍😍😍

bullying gingers.

crying because why are they bullying gingers?

I don’t care. I don’t get out of bed, even though I’m hungry, accepting the fact that my unwillingness to get up will probably result in my death from starvation. Then I realize that I can’t possibly let my parents have two children who knowingly starve themselves.

Whattttt

“Just because something doesn’t matter doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.”

The light of literature dawns in Dad’s eyes.

Im just imagining him looking at michael like he hung the moon

We are hand in hand, but definitely not in a romantic way.

Are you sure its not in a romantic way?

It’s not my normal type of sad, you know, the unnecessary and self-inflicted pity party sort of sad, but it’s a sad that’s kind of projected outwards.

So you’re sad because someone else is sad, not because you’re depressed

“There doesn’t need to be a rainbow for it to be beautiful.”

“The sun’s setting,” he says. “The sun also rises,” I say,

💜

don’t. I can’t read books because I know that none of it is real. Yeah, I’m a hypocrite. Films aren’t real, but I love them. But books—they’re different. When you watch a film, you’re sort of an outsider looking in. With a book—you’re right there. You are inside. You are the main character.

Sometimes it makes me tear up thinking about how much I love her.

Gay

“All friendships are selfish. Maybe if we were all selfless, we would leave each other alone.”

This is… a thought

“Are you in love with me?” He winks. “It’s a mystery.”

Haha

I go to his room and lie down.

I cant imagine going and laying in my brothers room when I’ve had a bad day. Especially if he’s not there 😭😭😭

His bedroom is so tidy. Obsessively tidy. It smells of cleaning spray.

Thats because charlie has ocd😐

I saw him around at Truham.”

Nah you are upset because you dated Charlie and you got all that internalized homophobia 🥳

Oliver at home with Nick babysitting.

So trusting of nick lol

“He told me I was a ‘manically depressed psychopath.’

Nah you said it and he said maybe you are one. Don’t be lying 😐

know you think that it’s easier to be by yourself, but every minute you spend thinking about what you’re not doing, that’s another minute forgetting about how to be around other people.”

If you can’t accept things you don’t understand, then you’ll spend your life questioning everything. Then you’ll have to live out your life in your own head.”

Preach

“Victoria, that is how you end up in a place like this.”

Damn charlie, maybe you should be the therapist. You didn’t have to come for her like that.

know I don’t like books, but you can always tell what someone is thinking by what they’re reading.

There’s a sharp smack

Omg he fucking hit charlie. That a*****e!

I’m still just sort of sitting there with my little brother with my shaking hands, wishing that I hadn’t woken up this morning, I hadn’t woken up yesterday, I hadn’t ever woken up—

After a pause, Charlie croaks: “Michael Holden.” Then he grins. “Well … I’ve never been punched in the face before. That’s a first.”

WHy is he grinning? I wouldnt be grinning if i got punched in the face😭😭😭

I say nothing because I do not feel alive.

Me