Solitaire

by Alice Oseman

My name is Victoria Spring. I think you should know that I make up a lot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. I like to sleep and I like to blog. I am going to die someday.

I will not cry on page 3

“The real question though,” says Evelyn, “is whether there’s sexual tension between Harry and Malfoy.”

The answer is no

“Firstly, I resent the fangirl idea that Draco Malfoy is some kind of beautifully tortured soul who is searching for redemption and understanding. He’s essentially a massive racist. Secondly, the idea that bullying means that you fancy someone is basically the foundation of domestic abuse.”

Finally! Someone needs to teach the Drarry and Dramione shippers common sense

Sometimes I hate people. This is probably very bad for my mental health.

No i highly recommend it

thinking or talking too much about “boy issues” makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

Agreed

She starts to babble on about Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, but I’m not really listening.

Eww why would she watch that?

She does this to me very often. Not call me, I mean. Ramble at me about her various almost-boyfriends.

Girl I feel you

Nick is actually the human embodiment of a golden retriever puppy,

Nick nods. “Same. I watched the first Twilight movie a lot as a kid.” Charlie raises his eyebrows. “Can’t believe I’m going to have to dump you due to your terrible taste in movies.” Nick laughs and wraps his arms around Charlie’s waist. “Aw, you sad you come second place to Robert Pattinson?”

NICK NELSON IS A TWILIGHT FAN??!!

“I think … it’s unlikely anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump in front of a train for someone

Literally my exact thoughts the first time I heard it

If I’m completely honest, I don’t even like music that much. I just like individual songs. I find one song that I really love and then I listen to it about twenty billion times until I hate it and have ruined it for myself.

I'm feeling attacked

You’re wearing pretty plain clothes—jumper, jeans—you don’t like embellishments and fuss. You don’t care about dressing up for people. You’ll have ordered a margherita pizza—you’re a picky eater. You rarely update your Facebook—you don’t care for social activities.

Dude stop it I'm being called out

I look down. “I guess I’ll just go with straight until proven otherwise.”

…no comment

“Nope. Nuh-uh. I’m the Mario Kart Empress.”

Me to my cousins

“You’re playing chess?” he asks. I hate questions that need not be asked.

YES if i'm obviously busy don't talk to me

“I am. Pride and Prejudice is dreadful. I can barely get past the first chapter.” “Why’s that?” “It’s the literary equivalent of a poorly cast rom-com.”

Finally! Someone agrees

Now that I’ve reached Chapter 6, I have established that I hate this book with a profound passion. It’s boring and clichéd, and I constantly feel the urge to hold it over a lit match. The women only care about the men and the men don’t seem to care about anything at all.

I'm so glad someone else gets it

He nods knowingly, but I can tell that he has no idea who Wednesday Addams is.

These people are more uncultured than I am

“And you can play the violin.”

I think that's where I'm getting Mari/Omori vibes

I sigh. “I don’t need a man. I’m single and thriving.”

“I think you could be a lot more outgoing than you are. You just, like, don’t try. If you tried, you could get a boyfriend really easily.” “I don’t really need a boyfriend,” I say.

Leave the introverts alone

and a younger boy, perhaps thirteen, watching Shrek. I internally applaud his good movie taste.

Tori is a Shrek fan?!?!

He deserves to have a friend who loves life and laughter, who loves having fun and adventures, someone to drink tea with and argue about a book and stargaze and ice-skate and dance with. Someone who isn’t me.

“Some people aren’t meant for school,” says Michael. “That doesn’t mean they aren’t meant for life.”