The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System: Ren Zha Fanpai Zijiu Xitong (Novel) Vol. 4

by Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù

Look, he’d only refused out of habit. If Luo Binghe had just pestered him a little more, he would have agreed! Who could have guessed that after a mere wave of his hand, Luo Binghe would rush out the door to go find a corner to sulkily grow mushrooms in…?

“Mm?” Shen Qingqiu cocked his head. Both his tone and expression brimmed with one hundred and twenty percent warm indulgence—a promise to grant whatever request Luo Binghe might have.

Shen Qingqiu looked at Luo Binghe’s face, at its brimming urgency as he clung to him, unwilling to let go, and felt deeply relieved. Now this was how Luo Binghe should be.

And now a homegrown Green JJ gay had found himself in one of Zhongdian’s uncountable harems of beauties. The child must have been frightened out of his wits. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help the tender fondness (ahem) that welled up within his heart.

Silvery light sparked back and forth as the blade streaked toward narrowed eyes. The other Luo Binghe abruptly moved his head and flicked the sword away, then asked with head still cocked, “We’re clearly the same person, so why does Shizun help him but hurt me?” Like fuck you’re the same person! The Luo Binghe he’d raised was eccentric Maiden Luo, a.k.a. Bing-mei, whose story, following Shen Qingqiu’s plot interference, had by the System’s grace been reshuffled onto the Green JJ’s danmei page. He wasn’t a Zhongdian stallion novel male lead like this guy, with his “cool badassery” oozing out of every pore and his head full of vulgar thoughts, who’d farmed and leveled-up on low-IQ villains and side characters. No, he’s nothing like you at all!

But right now, that face’s owner stood beside a person identical to him, cradling his double’s broken arm, too afraid to touch it but also too worried to let go. As if he himself could feel the pain, Shen Qingqiu frowned. “Why did you fight him head-on? And you kept fighting even though you knew your arm was broken. Don’t be so reckless next time.” It was a scolding, but the tone wasn’t just urgent and upset, it was anguished and full of heartache. Even an idiot could hear that. A chill wind blew through the forest, rustling the foliage. Leaves drifted down one by one. It was so infuriating. And so unfair. The image of the two of them standing together was so glaring that his eyes began to hurt, the rims prickling with heat.

And yet the, “Come with me,” that left his mouth in that instant was involuntary, and it was addressed to Shen Qingqiu.

They’d barely walked a single step when Luo Binghe said mournfully, “Shizun, is my technique really that awful?” Ah. To be honest, it was indeed awful. Really awful. Regardless of whether it was a matter of kissing, touching, stripping, or rolling around, the difference was far more than a few levels. And when it came to thrusting…he hadn’t had the chance to compare, but if one followed this line of logic, it would also be…a fail. Obviously Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t say these words; instead, he skirted around it with a, “Not really.” The gloom on Luo Binghe’s face grew heavier and heavier. “After all, you don’t have much experience.” Shen Qingqiu consoled him. Bing-ge’s skills had been honed through fighting hundreds of battles and having trysts with hundreds of women! Luo Binghe’s head drooped. From the look of it, he was probably contemplating squatting in some corner to grow mushrooms again. More than anything, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t stand just watching Luo Binghe in one of these moods. “This master will treat your arm and leg first, and once they’re healed, we can…do some exploring together,” he said in a coaxing tone. “How about that?” Luo Binghe abruptly jerked his head up. “Really?!” Shen Qingqiu had known that he would react like this and calmly patted his head. “Treatment first.” Luo Binghe nodded, then with two cracks, he slotted his arm and leg back into place. He instantly straightened, using his perfectly whole hands to grasp Shen Qingqiu’s arms, a soft flush risin...

Watching him hesitate, Shen Qingqiu found him pitiful. He sighed and took the initiative, reaching out to undo the belt of Luo Binghe’s pants. Luo Binghe’s pale face flushed red, and Shen Qingqiu couldn’t resist using a hand to scratch at his chin. This child really was quite adorable when it came to these things. But after undoing his belt and looking down, he saw that thing, already alert and erect, and all thoughts of adorability instantaneously flew off beyond the nine heavens. Fuck. The size! “Absolutely not!” Shen Qingqiu said resolutely. Those words struck Luo Binghe like lightning. “Shizun, you promised…” What he meant by “absolutely not” was: We can’t just go to town like this—I’ll die! Just how had he managed to survive last time? How had this thing gotten inside his body without killing him? How had he not been annihilated?!

Luo Binghe had secretly been paying attention to his face the entire time. At this moment, he carefully said, “Then, Shizun, how about…you do it?” What? Shen Qingqiu thought he’d heard wrong. Luo Binghe was going to let him top? “I’m afraid of hurting Shizun again,” said Luo Binghe. “So it’d be better if Shizun did it.” He spoke very earnestly, his expression sincere. He was seconds away from lying down before Shen Qingqiu hastily said, “No. It will be best if you do it.” If Shen Qingqiu took charge—he didn’t have any experience, okay? If he wasn’t careful and made Luo Binghe bleed everywhere—even though he knew Luo Binghe would still be overjoyed, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night! There would be more opportunities in the future anyway; there was nothing wrong with going along with him a bit more, or letting him taste a little sweetness first.

Shen Qingqiu made his decision and abruptly sat up, pushing Luo Binghe beneath him. The strength he’d been building for so long was exhausted in one go: he had none left to brace his legs. His bottom plunged down, swallowing Luo Binghe within himself to the fullest extent. The tip seemed to press all the way up into his stomach, bringing with it a sudden urge to retch before he forced himself to swallow. Luo Binghe hadn’t come the last time, so it probably hadn’t counted as fully losing his virginity. Then this time, he had to at least help Luo Binghe get that far! As he thought this, he propped his arm against Luo Binghe’s abdomen and managed to sit up a little. Suddenly, the thick, hard object inside him rubbed against something, and a burst of tingling numbness swept through him, exploding within his stomach and flooding his entire body. Taken by surprise, Shen Qingqiu’s back went weak and he collapsed forward. Luo Binghe sat up just in time to catch him and folded him into his arms. Luo Binghe’s senses were incredibly sharp. “Shizun, does it stop hurting when I touch there?” he asked doggedly. Not only had it stopped hurting, it had even…felt a little good! In this position, Shen Qingqiu’s legs were spread wide open as he sat atop Luo Binghe, face-to-face, their lower halves pressed seamlessly together. In order to keep his balance, Shen Qingqiu was forced to circle his limp arms around Luo Binghe’s neck. Even Luo Binghe’s gentlest movements shifted their snugly joined...

Demons had incredible stamina; this Shen Qingqiu knew. Male leads also had incredible stamina; Shen Qingqiu knew this as well. But that someone who shared both the demonic blood and male lead traits could last this long, that he had such profound stamina—Shen Qingqiu absolutely hadn’t been mentally prepared for that. By the time Luo Binghe finally came, Shen Qingqiu was in a daze. It was the searing flood of hot fluids spilling inside him that finally brought him back to his senses. At this moment, he no longer wanted to fuss over condoms or the lack thereof, or whether or not it was fine to come inside him. He just wanted to sleep! His walls felt swollen. Even a gentle rubbing made them prickle with pain. Luo Binghe reluctantly pulled out, then put his all into relieving Shen Qingqiu’s desire in front. Yet even after being jerked off twice, Shen Qingqiu was still singing the same tune: he just wanted to sleep! “Shizun…” said Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu knew what he wanted to ask and mercilessly spoke first. “Awful.” However, this time, even after receiving criticism, Luo Binghe wasn’t depressed. Rather, he exuberantly declared, “Yes, it was awful. Unacceptably awful.” “What are you saying…?” “Because it was simply awful, this disciple requests that his shizun assist him with further exploration.” Well.

Normally, Shen Qingqiu was very self-conscious around any woman who Luo Binghe had touched. Forget voluntarily approaching them to cause them trouble, he avoided them like the plague. As for why he’d steeled himself and joined in on the fun this time, he had two reasons. The first was that the crying of the old couple at the foot of the mountain had been too heartbreaking to ignore as they bemoaned the plight of their only son, whose soul had practically been stolen away. The second was Madam Meiyin’s promiscuity. Outside of Luo Binghe, she had an uncountable number of husbands and lovers. Her affair with Luo Binghe was only a one-night stand; she never actually entered his harem. The purpose of her episode had mainly been to give readers the vicarious pleasure of cucking a whole bunch of people. So, to be precise, Madam Meiyin didn’t count as one of Luo Binghe’s wives!

The longer Madam Meiyin looked at the petals, the more solemn her expression became. Finally, she said, distressed, “Sir, about the red thread from your past—my skill is insufficient, so I can’t…see it clearly. At first glance, it seemed like you were alone, but if I look carefully, I can catch a faint glimpse of another thread.” She concluded regretfully, “This thread has been cut… Such a pity.” Shen Jiu had once had a fiancée, but Shen Yuan was a single dog! Their two threads were tangled together, so it was no surprise that the madam couldn’t see it all clearly. Shen Qingqiu expressed his understanding. “Don’t worry about the past. If the madam doesn’t mind, please look into my future.” He desperately wanted to know if he’d ever find a woman over here. She didn’t have to be a peerless beauty, as long as she wasn’t a tranny! Yet who could have guessed that Madam Meiyin’s face would become even stranger, like she couldn’t find the words to explain. This expression made Shen Qingqiu’s heart thump heavily. Shit, could it be…he’d be single for life?! At last, Madam Meiyin began to speak. “Ah…the other party…is younger than you,” she stammered. “And their seniority, or perhaps their status…isn’t as high as yours.” Well, if he only considered the older, more senior women he knew, as of now, Shen Qingqiu had only met a handful of elderly female nuns from Tian Yi Temple a couple of times, and they really weren’t to his taste. By his guess, even if you took into account the entir...

Zhuzhi-Lang had attempted to alert his lord to this reversal of roles, to tell him that he needed to retrieve his dignity as the highest ruler of the demon realm, but Tianlang-Jun seemed to find pleasure in this sugar daddy, sugar baby relationship. The blind passion that he had in the past directed to the entire human race was now poured entirely upon a single person.

It truly is difficult, it thought. But no matter how difficult, it’s less difficult than making one’s heart stop loving.

At least the portrayal of the male lead was all right. The transformation from innocent and upstanding to hateful and sinister was detailed and natural; debts of kindness and grudges were both repaid, and those who should have been killed were mercilessly cut down. Every time I see a useless male lead, I just want to slap him in the face. Bing-ge deserves that “ge”—he’s cool enough and darkened

Vicious sniping that flowed like a running stream; a cucumber forged of iron. Even though this famous Lord Cucumber spewed criticism constantly and without end in “Great Master” Airplane’s comments sections, his subscription payments and demands for updates never waned. Because of this, “Great Master” Airplane had come to suspect that this person was a masochist.

In the end, he concluded: This guy was just like a woman married to a disappointing husband; she itched to jump on his back to grab and shake him by the neck, filled with love and hate as she simultaneously kissed and spat on him. Peerless Cucumber was locked in precisely this type of conundrum, unable to extricate himself from following this novel while he cursed, “Why can’t I control this damn hand that just keeps clicking on the READ button?!”

A storm of icy arrows swept through the air, and heads slammed to the ground one by one. One side of Shang Qinghua’s mind shrieked while the other howled: So scary! But also so cool! Really fucking cool!

His body: fallen right in front of Mobei-Jun’s boots. His sword: still halfway in its sheath. His heart: not quite decided as to whether he should draw his sword. Mobei-Jun sneered, an ice-cold glint of blue flashing through his eyes. No sooner said than done, Shang Qinghua threw himself forward to cling to his thighs with a plop. Every one of his shixiong made an aggrieved face. Mobei-Jun made a blank one. Shang Qinghua fell to one knee. “My king, please let me follow you for the rest of my life!”

Shang Qinghua muttered to himself back and forth, a mischievous cast to his face. He looked around on the ground for a while before finding a stone about half the size of a skull and hefted it up; it was quite heavy. One, two, three—he got in position above Mobei-Jun’s head, the demon’s eyes still closed. The System offered neither warning hints nor prohibiting alerts. Shang Qinghua relaxed. There was no warning, which meant, in other words: Go ahead and kill him! “My king, ah, my king, this is the will of the heavens—don’t blame me.” With a thoroughly insincere prayer, Shang Qinghua’s hand rose and the stone fell. And braked to a halt, right above the tip of Mobei-Jun’s arguably perfect nose. To tell the truth, this Mobei-Jun character held an unusual significance to him. It could have been said that Mobei-Jun was the type of man “Great Master” Airplane had always dreamed of becoming: strong, cool, doing as he pleased—just like how every little kid had dreamed of becoming Ultraman. How could he just stand by and watch himself kill Ultraman with his own hands?! Shang Qinghua bemoaned his dilemma for a while. After he finished, he had a perfectly shameless thought. It would be fine if he just didn’t watch, right? So, he turned his head and raised the stone up high… Nope. He still couldn’t do it. Shang Qinghua chucked aside the cumbersome murder weapon with a plop. His eyes shone with excitement, and by now he was almost completely on top of Mobei-Jun. I can’t, I can’t—the m...

Finally, he decided: Time to get a room! He would go to an inn to get a room—no, to find somewhere to stay.

He hauled Mobei-Jun onto it, face-down, so as to conceal the face that made him lose control every time he looked at it.

He boldly scooped up a large lump of ointment and shoved it into the hole above Mobei-Jun’s kidney until it was more or less closed, then flipped him over, arranging his hands palms-together in a Sleeping Beauty pose. After spending some time admiring this perfect face, which he had modeled after his mind’s-eye ideal, he pillowed his head on his arms and fell asleep on the outer edge of the bed.

Mobei-Jun sat straight up on the bed, eyes shining with blue light like an overcharged battery about to explode. Shang Qinghua had thought up his lines long ago. He beat his chest and stomped his feet, saying with deep expression, “My king, you’re finally awake—” Mobei-Jun was unmoved, looking at him coldly. “Do you remember who I am?” Mobei-Jun didn’t respond. Shang Qinghua felt not a bit of embarrassment. Delightedly entertaining the possibility of amnesia, he barreled onward. “We met on a little road just a moment ago. I said I would follow you for the rest of my life, my king, as close as—” Mobei-Jun cut him off. “Why were you hugging me just now?” “…as a little padded jacket…” Shang Qinghua started. “What did you say? I did what just now?” “You were hugging me.” A sudden realization, thunder from a clear sky. Sleeping in this damn heat was like being baked in a furnace, and Mobei-Jun’s body temperature just happened to be cold. In a muddled state of sleep, Shang Qinghua had subconsciously moved toward the cooler side of the bed, and the closer he got, the cooler and more comfortable he’d become. No wonder he had dreamed of a giant popsicle around which he’d happily wrapped his four limbs like an octopus as he licked and cried happy tears. Shang Qinghua carefully peeked at Mobei-Jun’s face and neck. Seeing no unusual shine of moisture upon them, he couldn’t resist letting out a thankful prayer. “Your body was ice-cold,” he said cautiously. “I was afraid you weren’t goi...

If this Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge were playing out a scene of a friendly senior and his respectful junior, full of harmonious fraternal love between fellow sect members—oh, heavens, maybe in a few days, Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe would be striking up flirtatious banter!

“Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’s heart nearly crumbled.

When he looked at them today… Was this still that renowned Qing Jing Peak that produced countless poser youths full of literary airs? This place had become a daycare center for ADHD children.

Shang Qinghua was struck dumb. He was choking down so much that his heart was about to stop. This scene featuring Shen Qingqiu as the ever-attentive teacher and Luo Binghe as the clingiest hanger-on—what the hell was this?! Don’t fucking tell me Shen Qingqiu really did go to Bai Zhan Peak and mess with people just to avenge Luo Binghe!

This benevolent father and filial son act—no, no, no, it was more like “lifting one’s tray to eyebrow level”—no, no, no, “treating each other as honored guests”!8 This was even more fantastical than Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge’s harmonious spar. If things kept going on like this, maybe there really would be a day when they exchanged flirtatious banter. Pah, if that day really came, he’d eat three kilos of shit!

At that moment, the “Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky assiduously struggling to recover from this episode had not yet realized that the scum villain Shen Qingqiu had already been replaced by that unmatched hater, Peerless Cucumber.

“If you hold unique feelings for a certain person, how can you make them understand your intentions?” Luo Binghe asked.

Mobei-Jun thought about it. With the paths his mind was given to take, there was no telling how he had interpreted “unique” feelings. “Beat them up three times a day?” Luo Binghe made a stop gesture with one hand and said wisely, “You don’t need to answer.”

But this was the first time in months that Bing-ge had expressed an opinion on Shang Qinghua’s existence! Immediately, Shang Qinghua started up an ecstatic internal chant of, My son noticed me, he noticed me, ha ha ha ha!

So, Shang Qinghua braced himself and said decisively, “Well…of course I have something to say! The secret lies in two words: ‘Be clingy’! As they say, ‘A fierce woman fears a clingy man; a brave hero fears a pampered lady.’ As long as your skills are up to par, you can grind an iron bar into a needle. Even if he’s as straight as an embroidery needle, you can still bend him into a paper clip!”

Mobei-Jun looked askance at him. “So, if you want to be liked by a man, the best method is to act pathetic?”

You’re here doing this cheerful, romantic, cottagecore roleplay while you just left Mobei-Jun alone in the Demon Realm and made me force myself to step up! How tragic, my fate!

“You really want to return to the modern world?” Shen Qingqiu asked. “So shooting your airplane too often really is bad for your eyesight—you can’t even see the crux of your own problems anymore. Wake up. You’re just waiting for him to apologize, then scoop you back up and continue to lightly beat you three times a day.”

Ugh, but look at the sort of godly days Shen Qingqiu’s living, then look at the sort I am. Then again, constantly comparing yourself to others will drive you to an early grave… Really, though, this is preposterous. Clearly I’m the author; I’m this world’s divine creator deity. Can’t you all be a bit better to me?! Love your authors! Protecting authors is everyone’s responsibility!

This story was riddled with landmines, a whole chaotic mess with grade school-level writing, and maybe the more serious readers would throw it down with a curse of “What dogshit is this?” But “Great Master” Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky was used to making excuses for his own fraudulent behavior. He could throw out a thousand “it’s justs” to smooth things over. For example: It’s just reading a novel, it’s like living your life. Just have a good time—why take it so seriously? It’s just a silly novel the author wrote for fun. Don’t set your expectations too high, everyone, and please bear with me! It’s just a brainless satisfying read. Wake up—what did you expect to read?! It’s just… It’s just. …It was just that he really, very much liked this story he’d written.

“Shizun.” “Mm.” “Shizun, I can’t hold on for much longer.” Shen Qingqiu didn’t speak. Luo Binghe smiled. “It’s true. Shizun, if you don’t wake up soon, I…I won’t be able to hold on for much longer.” But Shen Qingqiu knew that he would hold on. He would hold that ice-cold, lifeless corpse and hold on for almost two thousand more of these days and nights. His heart ached with an overwhelming pain, so much so that it exploded within his chest. Shen Qingqiu saw a hand stretching forward, futilely trying to touch that stark-white face of Luo Binghe’s. He watched that hand as it trembled, unable to touch anything, then suddenly realized, with a shock, that it was his own. “Shizun—Shizun?” In his daze, Shen Qingqiu felt someone grasping his shoulder as they sat up. He drowsily opened his eyes. Luo Binghe was inches from his face, nervously staring at him in concern. “Shizun, what’s wrong?” Shen Qingqiu had yet to recollect himself mentally; he stared at him blankly. At the sight of this, Luo Binghe became increasingly anxious. The day before, he’d reached a critical point in his cultivation. That night, he’d shut off his consciousness and so had no opportunity to control his dream realm. After falling into a troubled sleep, he’d been shocked awake in the middle of the night. Next to him, Shen Qingqiu’s brow had been tightly knit, his forehead dripping with sweat. Luo Binghe knew something was wrong. He realized he must have failed to restrain his powers and forced his shizun to b...

WHEN HE WOKE UP, Shen Qingqiu slowly turned over in bed, but he didn’t find an arm locked around his waist as he usually did.

At the sight of Luo Binghe’s face going from red to white to dark, Shen Qingqiu practically gave himself an internal injury from trying not to laugh. “You were so impetuous when tormenting this master last night; suffering the consequences today, are you?” “Wasn’t it Shizun who seduced this disciple first?” Luo Binghe cried out, betrayed. This made Shen Qingqiu’s face flare red as he internally gasped in shame. He righted his expression and quickly let go. Caught off guard, Luo Binghe slipped into the water, disappearing in a stream of bubbles.

“Great Master” Liu! Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky didn’t write a green Jinjiang mpreg novel!

Shen Qingqiu sat down next to him, thought for a moment, then asked, “Are you so unhappy to be back at Qing Jing Peak?” Luo Binghe gave him a faint smile. “What is Shizun saying? How could this disciple be unhappy?” Shen Qingqiu slowly got up and went to head outside. But suddenly, he couldn’t move his feet. Luo Binghe had jumped down from the table and grabbed onto his legs. “You’re right,” he ground out through gritted teeth. “This disciple…is unhappy!” “There you go. If you’re unhappy, just say so. From now on, if you have something to say, don’t shut it up inside your heart and stifle your feelings. If you really don’t like Qing Jing Peak, we’ll leave once you recover your original form. It’s just that in your current state, you’re unsuited to constant travel. If anything happens, Cang Qiong Mountain can at least protect you.” “I do like it! But the Qing Jing Peak I like is only Qing Jing Peak—it’s not Cang Qiong Mountain. And aside from Shizun and myself, it has no other people.” But, Shen Qingqiu thought, the Qing Jing Peak you like has never really existed, has it? Luo Binghe mumbled, “Shizun, is it true that being with me has made you lose a lot of opportunities to do things for yourself?” Shen Qingqiu burst out laughing. “You put on quite a good act of being asleep. Your ears are sharp too. How much of your martial aspect have you recovered?” “Shizun…the reason I didn’t want to come back wasn’t because I don’t like this place. Rather…it’s too easy for you to be st...

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t speak. Holy shit, what the motherfuck is this?! Who the fuck was this guy crying “like raindrops on flower petals”?! And who was Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deadly?! The one who cried the most every time they got in bed was Luo Binghe, okay?!

Luo Binghe nodded. “My eyes have been opened.” And he continued, “So, this disciple can’t have had his eyes opened for nothing, can he?” “Luo Binghe, even though this master has allowed you to… I never allowed you all this variety,” Shen Qingqiu said in a warning tone. Luo Binghe started. “Oh. This disciple understands.” He looked a bit disappointed, but he didn’t push the issue. Now Shen Qingqiu was the one feeling uneasy. Luo Binghe had never made any requests of him when it came to these matters. Because of his lackluster skill, he was always cautious in the extreme, and he even somewhat capitulated to Shen Qingqiu. Now he had finally acquired some instructional materials and found a bit of self-confidence, hoping to try them out together, only for Shen Qingqiu to toss a basin of cold water over his head… Shen Qingqiu squirmed in his seat. After a while, he finally picked up his fan to cover his face and said with some reserve, “How do you want to do it?” All at once, Luo Binghe came alive, like a flower blooming in the warmth of spring. Shen Qingqiu was inwardly pleased by this, and he told himself he might as well forsake his poor face and play along. They had already done it either way; what did he need face for?

Wait a minute. The props were all prepared—had Luo Binghe just been putting on a pitiful act to mess with him?!

Luo Binghe truly deserved the title of star student. He could overwhelm someone simply by copying from the lesson materials!