Revive Me, Part One: The Act (New Haven, #2)

by J.L. Seegars

“I think desires can be born out of any circumstance, good, bad, or ugly, and still be valid representations of the things we want for ourselves. The source of the desire doesn’t matter so much as what we do with the dream it sparks in us.”

“I don’t have an issue with giving you my truths, Mallory. I’ll start right now with the most obvious one. Do you want to hear it?” I’m trapped in his gaze, drowning in soft and serious ochre eyes and trying to appear unaffected. “Sure.” “You look beautiful tonight.” My throat is dry, so the chuckle I force out is raspy. “Just tonight?” “No.” His eyes glow. “Not just tonight.”

“What like my favorite color?” “No.” He shakes his head, looking exasperated. “I already know that.” “You do?” “Yeah, it’s pink. But not like bubblegum pink or salmon pink, it’s a very specific shade. Softer.” He gives me one of those infectious smiles, the ones that make it impossible not to smile back. “Lighter,” he continues, “like a blush.”

“Okay, but just keep in mind I was deep in my Disney era, and they were hitting us with goodies left and right. Plus, when the version of Cinderella with Brandy and Whitney Houston came out, every girl in my class was obsess—”

“Mallory, as long as we’re doing this,” he gestures between the two of us, “I can promise you that you won’t see or hear about me being with anyone else. All of my time, attention, and affection is yours.”

I grip the edges of her phone so hard I swear I hear the metal

and glass creak under the pressure.

I was mesmerized by her. Drawn in by her beauty and held hostage by the serious frown tugging her lips down into a pretty pout while she waited for Eric to get his key from me.

It wasn’t a conscious thing, watching her, but it felt necessary. Imperative. Like if I took my eyes off of her for even half a second she would disappear forever and that was the last thing I wanted.

Both of Mallory’s dimples are showing, little potholes in her face that I want to kiss because I know that they only come out when she’s happiest.

“I don’t know. Maybe you don’t pay enough attention to me.” It was supposed to be a joke, but the way he looks at me, with a soft gaze that’s unfairly serious, suggests he took it as anything but. “No one gets as much of my attention as you do.”

“I know that the way you feel about me and the way you’ve treated me ever since I started this program is rooted in misogyny and racism. And I also know that I wouldn’t be hard pressed to find another Black woman in this department that you’ve subjected to this same harassment.”

Hearing the man you want refer to relationships as a distraction he can’t afford while he’s standing on the cusp of a life that will only demand more from him, is a different kind of heartbreak.

“Right. And then you ended up here with me.” In the only kind of relationship he, by his own admission, can do right now. Fake. Transactional. Confusing as fuck. “Yeah,” he says softly, hands flexing around my waist. “Then I ended up here with you.”

Right where I’ve always wanted to be.

“Don’t apologize.” His voice is soft as he scoots in closer. “I’m just glad you’re safe. You have no idea how relieved I was to walk in here and see you.” “Even though I was on your kitchen floor?” “Yes.” The smile he gives me melts me from the inside out. “Even though you were on the kitchen floor.”

“It doesn’t have to be forever, princess, but for tonight just…” he pauses, warm brown eyes pleading with me, “stay with me. I know you don’t need me to fight your battles, but I need you to do this for me. I need you to stay here, so I can know that you’re safe.”

“Why do you want to take me to Disney?” His voice is silk and butter as he answers me. “I’ve heard it’s the happiest place on Earth, and I thought you could use a little happy right now.”

Mallory could do anything she wanted, and they would cheer her on without a second’s hesitation, but she’s so used to anticipating their needs and putting them first, she doesn’t realize it. Or at least she didn’t until just now.

She doesn’t seem to notice all the eyes on her. All the people taking in her beauty, admiring her graceful stride and the compelling power of her bone structure. Her lack of awareness only makes her that much more alluring. And the longer you stare at her, the more it mocks you, laughing in your face for ever thinking you could have her.

“Is that what I did?” I ask. My voice small despite trying to convey how little I like that phrase and the way it makes it seem like our relationship was some sort of compromise. “Forced you to make a choice? Got you to abandon all your viable options?” “There were no options before you, princess. No choices to be made. Just you, me and the connection that’s existed between us since you chose dare instead of truth. You sealed our fate that day and neither of us knew it until our lips met.”

“You’re not just my girlfriend, Mallory. You’re my mission. My purpose. The only thing in my life I can’t afford to fail at, so forgive me if I don’t give a fuck about what another man in my position would do because I can guarantee you there isn’t a man in this world who….”

“Who what? There isn’t a man in this world who what?” “Loves you.” He swallows. “There isn’t a man in this world who loves you like I do.”

“You love me,” I say slowly. Incredulous. He nods. A solemn, severe gaze burning through me. “I love you, Mallory.” “Really?” I ask, laughing. Crying.

There’s only her. And in this lifetime and every one after it, that’s all there will ever be for me. Amber eyes that see into my soul. Lush curves I’ve made my home. Smooth mahogany skin that glitters like stardust. Long elegant fingers that one day, when she’s ready and I’m braver than I am right now, will be adorned with my rings.

“Hey.” He blinks at me, chestnut eyes urging me to be here with him. “I love you, princess, and I’m not giving you up. I don’t care what that costs me. My trust fund. My name. None of it matters more than you do.”