Revive Me, Part One: The Act (New Haven, #2)

by J.L. Seegars

They love her, and occasionally they’ll find cause to worry about her, but then she’ll do something spectacular like make an A in every class during a semester with a bloated course schedule, and they’ll believe that she’s fine.

It’s not a lack of care on any of their parts; it’s just damn good acting on hers.

She turns to me quickly, her eyes pleading with me, asking me for things I won’t hesitate to give her, things I think I might have been born to give her. I flash a reassuring smile, one that doesn’t even hint at the riot of emotions happening inside me.

His smile slips, revealing the depth of ugly emotion it was designed to hide for just a second.

“I don’t have an issue with giving you my truths, Mallory. I’ll start right now with the most obvious one. Do you want to hear it?” I’m trapped in his gaze, drowning in soft and serious ochre eyes and trying to appear unaffected. “Sure.” “You look beautiful tonight.” My throat is dry, so the chuckle I force out is raspy. “Just tonight?” “No.” His eyes glow. “Not just tonight.”

“You just cut them both off?” “Yes.” And I used the shards Trent left me in to do it.

He nods. “Gotcha. So what did you wish for?” “Promise not to laugh at me?” “No,” he snorts. “I can’t promise you that, but you have to tell me anyway. For the sake of the mission.”

In a matter of seconds, I hallucinate giving her everything she never had, when I know that my ambitions will only allow me to give her this.

“I’ll always be in the mood to hold your hand.” My heart does that crazy squeeze thing again.

“It’s my house, man,” Chris says, smiling. “Every room is my room.” Nic rolls his eyes. “It’s a damn hallway, ass hat.

When he finally does, she’s red in the face and gazing up at him like he hung the moon and the stars. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nic watching them, his dark eyes swimming with something close to tortured jealousy.

“You’re welcome, Mallory.” I give him a funny look because I haven’t even said thank you yet, and he laughs. “I’m just pretending like you have manners.”

“The way she did love you,” I correct her gently. “You didn’t get the chance to know her, but she knew you. She carried you for nine months, felt every kick and turn and hiccup before you even took your first breath outside the womb. She laughed at you and sung to you and plotted a big, beautiful life for her baby girl. You’re everything she could have ever dreamed of, of course she loved you.”

Now, I know there’s more to her than that—a girl who dreams and jokes and makes wishes to become a princess when she was born to be queen—and

“No.” But I want you to let me, you’ve been fighting long enough.

And they’re not untrue. I know she doesn’t need me. I just wish that she did.

It’s almost like out of all the other things he’s worried about—gaining his father’s acceptance, solidifying his spot at MUSC, and taking full control over his future—making me feel safe is the most important of them all.

And it’s like I’m back in that library study room, hoping for private regard while he’s occupied with public perception.

“I don’t know. Maybe you don’t pay enough attention to me.” It was supposed to be a joke, but the way he looks at me, with a soft gaze that’s unfairly serious, suggests he took it as anything but. “No one gets as much of my attention as you do.” My mouth goes dry. “I was joking, Chris.” “It was a bad joke, princess. Now stop deflecting and tell me why I’ve been walking around for weeks not knowing that my girlfriend could lay me out if she wanted to.” My girlfriend.

but this version of Mallory—this vibrant burst of sunlight that’s been waiting to shine—makes it hard.

Because he finished his statement—the one where he said his car, which everyone knows he loves more than anything, didn’t matter more than me—with

“Go on and have fun, babies. No one here is worried about a few dollars.”

“Yeah,” he says softly, hands flexing around my waist. “Then I ended up here with you.”

Right where I’ve always wanted to be.

Now Mallory can rest easy knowing she doesn’t have to deal with him for the rest of her undergraduate career, and I can feel okay knowing she’ll have that peace when I leave for medical school.

“Speaking my truth only matters if my audience is open to hearing it.”

know my answer to this question can change my entire life.

“Because Eric and Nic would have killed Trent, and I couldn’t let Mama lose her sons when I wasn’t sure she was going to be able to keep her daughter.”

including the one I love.

“It’s more than nice, Mallory. Your smile is the thing I want most in the world. I spend every waking moment trying to find new ways to get you to give it to me. I wish for it on every shooting star and repeating number on a clock.”

“I’ll probably spend the rest of my life wishing for it to always be mine.”

I want to tell him that he can have my smile whenever he wants. That he’s the only person I want to give it to, but I have to be sure I understand what he’s saying.

He shakes his head, earnest eyes boring into mine as he finally says the thing I’ve been wanting him to say for months. “Not fake, princess. Real. Everything I feel for you, everything I want with you is real.” “Real,” I repeat the word, tasting the possibility, savoring the potential, the reality of us. “Is that something you could want?” Doubt plays over his features, and seeing him so afraid that I don’t want him, pulls my answer from my throat before I have the chance to think. “Yes,” I whisper fiercely, nodding to emphasize my answer. “It’s all I want, Chris.”

When my mouth starts moving, they tell him that I’m not going anywhere because his lips are anchors and every carnal swirl of our tongues is the knotting of a rope, tethering my soul to his.

but this thing between us is too good to ever be considered a distraction or a hindrance to my goals, especially when all of them include you now.”

Mallory Kent could ask me for the moon, and I’d find a way to get it for her. She could ask me for the stars, and I’d steal them from the sky. She could ask for my heart, and, well….she already has that. She just doesn’t know it yet.

and in love with this stupid man who won’t reap the benefits of the trust he worked so hard to earn.

“Keeping you safe? Making sure you’re okay at all times? It is a job, and it’s my fucking job. One I signed on for long before you knew you were mine. One I’ll keep doing even if one day, down the road, you decide I’m no longer fit for the role.”

“Who what? There isn’t a man in this world who what?” “Loves you.” He swallows. “There isn’t a man in this world who loves you like I do.” “You love me,” I say slowly. Incredulous. He nods. A solemn, severe gaze burning through me. “I love you, Mallory.” “Really?” I ask, laughing. Crying.

We stare at each other, and the happiness bubbling between us is tangible. A living, breathing thing.

She didn’t want to be another ghost living in your head.”

Anyway, son, I want you to know I love you, and I have always known how much you love me. No amount of time or space could ever alter our bond, so you take it easy on yourself. Don’t spend too much time regretting the decisions you made when it came to handling my diagnosis. We all do what we have to do, and I understand you felt like you couldn’t survive seeing me like that.

I know it hurts to think about her, Chris, but I need you to do it for me. I need you to read these and learn her.

Discover how she saw the world. Find out her hopes, fears, and secrets. Carry them with you in your heart. Because if you don’t, she’ll die with me.

Your father has tried to erase her since the day they met. Don’t let today be the day he succeeds.

And when they placed him on my chest, his weight grounded me. Anchored me to the world

I’m not the girl I was before Trent, and part of me hates that I’ll never be her again, but I like this new version of me. She’s a nice mix of the girl who was hurt and the one who saved her, and I can’t wait to see how she continues to grow and change.

He was always a monster masquerading as a human, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

But nothing could ever change the way I feel about you, Mallory. You’ll always be it for me.”