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To take away the horror of being haunted by images that refuse to leave your brain.
“Trauma induced shock doesn’t stop once the trauma stops. Your brain needed time to recover, to get to a point where it was functioning and able to get you to safety.”
“Tell me that you know none of this was your fault. He took advantage of you. He coerced you into giving him something he could never deserve and when you changed your mind he stole it from you. Those were his actions, Mallory, you don’t have to carry around the shame of what happened that night. It was never yours to begin with, it was always his.”
“That’s
good. You deserve someone who’s willing to wait for you.”
The weight of her hand in mine reverberated through me, rattling my bones, shaking my soul, and just like every other time I’ve touched her, I felt like the only thing right in my world was her. Every scent, her jasmine-soaked skin. Every color, the amber of her eyes, and the rich mahogany of her complexion. Every sound, the sweet, melodic lilt of her voice. Every beat of her heart, my reason for breathing.
when I’m with Mallory. Talking to her, laughing with her, touching the smooth skin of her cheek and fantasizing about caressing her in other places, watching her bite the supple flesh of her bottom lip while I memorize every curve of her frame.
“It’s more than nice, Mallory. Your smile is the thing I want most in the world. I spend every waking moment trying to find new ways to get you to give it to me. I wish for it on every shooting star and repeating
number on a clock.”
“I’ll probably spend the rest of my life wishing for it to always be mine.”
“Not fake, princess. Real. Everything I feel for you, everything I want with you is real.”
An extension of connection. A reminder that I’m the one in control. I take a step forward, placing my hands in his, my heart swelling when relief shines in his eyes. He flexes his fingers, giving mine a gentle squeeze, pulling me out of my head and back into the moment with him the way he did the first time we kissed.
“I’ve always wanted you, Chris. I’ve never been more sure about anything, about anyone, in my entire life.”
“It’s also become an excuse to stop living. After everything that happened, I just wanted something I could control. Because that’s what I felt like he took from me. My power over my life, my sexuality, my desire. It’s like it’s all still there in that dirty ass dorm room, and I want it back.”
“Your life is yours, Mallory. You’ve already proven you can make it whatever you want it to be. No one could have come out of what you went through completely unscathed, but you picked up the pieces and built something beautiful out of the destruction.”
“Taking control of your sex life means knowing what you like during sex and what you don’t like. The only thing this moment has taught us is that you don’t feel secure being pinned down. Now, that can change or it can stay the same, but either way, the power is in knowing. In acknowledging that limit and seeking different ways to find pleasure while still respecting it.”
His eyes roll into the back of his head for a second as another dark, guttural sound climbs from his chest and spills into the room. Turning the air thick with lust. When his irises are visible again, there are endless rings of gold and stardust. Swirling clouds of wonder and desire. Hope and fear. Disbelief and joy.
“You smell even better here, Mallory. There’s no jasmine or citrus, just you.”
And then when our lips met, it just felt….” There are a million words I could use to describe the feeling I got that day, the feeling I still get when he kisses me, but it’s all too big for this moment in our burgeoning relationship. I don’t want to scare him. “Right. It just felt right.”
“I’m still afraid of having good things taken away from me, yeah, but I’ll do any and everything in my power to keep them. To keep you.” He lifts a brow, answering the question I didn’t ask. “I don’t know what a relationship with any other woman would have looked like, princess, but this thing between us is too good to ever be considered a distraction or a hindrance to my goals, especially when all of them include you now.”
Mallory Kent could ask me for the moon, and I’d find a way to get it for her. She could ask
me for the stars, and I’d steal them from the sky. She could ask for my heart, and, well….she already has that. She just doesn’t know it yet.
promise I’m still going to want us in the morning, nothing is going to change my mind about that, especially not time away from you.”
Just the peaceful perfection of a heart that’s finally found its home.
“There were no options before you, princess. No choices to be made. Just you, me and the connection that’s existed between us since you chose dare instead of truth. You sealed our fate that day and neither of us knew it until our lips met.”
“Keeping you safe? Making sure you’re okay at all times? It is a job, and it’s my fucking job. One I signed on for long before you knew you were mine. One I’ll keep doing even if one day, down the road, you decide I’m no longer fit for the role.” His nostrils flare.
“You’re not just my girlfriend, Mallory. You’re my mission. My purpose. The only thing in my life I can’t afford to fail at, so forgive me if I don’t give a fuck about what another man in my position would do because I can guarantee you there isn’t a man in this world who….”
“I love you, Mallory.”
I turn and steal a kiss, all of the worry about the miles that will soon be between us and the doubt I felt when he pulled away from me earlier fading away. “I love it, and I love you.”
There’s only her. And in this lifetime and every one after it, that’s all there will ever be for me. Amber eyes that see into my soul. Lush curves I’ve made my home. Smooth mahogany skin that glitters like stardust. Long elegant fingers that one day, when she’s ready and I’m braver than I am right now, will be adorned with my rings.
A symbol of our love, of the forever I won’t give to anyone but her.
because the grief is so heavy, the weight of the guilt so impossible, I don’t want to exist anymore.
That even when I feel like I have no one, I have her.
Actually, I want more of everything. The warm glow of happiness. The heated passion. The sad and quiet and everything in between. Whatever life looks like with Mallory, is what I want, and when we get back to our room tonight I’m going to make sure to tell her. To let my words close the gap I allowed my silence to put between us. She was so kind and understanding last night and today, but I know me shutting down like that has to bother her. I don’t want her to think I’m pushing her away, especially when all I want to do is hold her close and never let go.
Celeste was my best friend and the love of my life, but I don’t want to take her memory with me. I don’t want to be the last person on this Earth to utter her name, to be moved by her words and changed by her heart. Your father has tried to erase her since the day they met. Don’t let today be the day he succeeds. I love you, my sweet boy.
