Your Table Is Ready: Tales of a New York City Maître D'

by Michael Cecchi-Azzolina

A well-run dining room is an art, a ballet, a confluence of pieces that come together to bring a guest a meal.

Do I love the industry? Yes. Do I hate it? Fuck yeah.

But for the moment, these strangers love you like family. It’s perfect, partially because it lacks any of the painful connections or remembrances from your past.

To not tip is to not acknowledge the expertise and effort of serving that bottle.

If you can’t behave and treat other human beings with kindness and respect, just get the fuck out.

Please, when it’s time to go, realize that and go because, one day, you will most certainly be one of those people standing at the bar and getting pissed because your table is not ready at the appointed hour.

Nothing’s good here, you fucking twerp. All the cooks wake up in the morning and the first thing they think about is how to fuck up the entire menu when they arrive.