Play With Me (Playing for Keeps, #2)

by Becka Mack

I keep my eyes to myself for the rest of the night. Okay, I don’t, but I try really hard. Swear it.

“I just wanna love you out loud. Why won’t you let me love you out loud?”

A love above all the rest. That’s what a soul mate is. Someone with smooth edges to soften our sharp ones. Someone who fits us so perfectly, vibrates on the same frequency, makes all our best parts shine. And together? Together, everything is exactly the way it’s meant to be.”

I don’t need a boyfriend to make me happy.” “I don’t think you do either. You make yourself happy all on your own.

And now I feel cold again, alone, and I’m so fucking tired of being alone in my hardest moments.

The woman simultaneously turns me on and scares me shitless with only the look in her eyes,

“I’m a weak man, and they’re nice tits.”

“You should work on saying exactly what you’re thinking. It’s nice when people are honest, don’t you think? There’s no guessing.” “I struggle with that sometimes when I’m getting to know someone.” “Well, I’m a Beckett. We don’t censor our thoughts.”

“Look, I wanted to come. My friends are gone for the weekend, and to tell you the truth, I was feeling lonely.” “You were?” Something soft and vulnerable dances across her eyes. “And you thought of me?” “I thought of you.”

guess I decided I wasn’t going to let him take something else from me, that I would take control and make better choices.

“News flash, sunshine! I almost never know what the fuck you mean!” “Women aren’t that confusing!” “No, but you are!”

we were finally becoming friends. At the very least, she was no longer so scary that I couldn’t speak full sentences to her. If that’s not friendship, I don’t know what is.

My friends are trading nights at the bar for phone calls in the hotel room with their wives, and hangovers for early morning trips to Ikea, spending all their free time together, nothing but brightness looming in their futures. I’m not bitter; I’m envious.

Well, that won’t work. Absolutely not. If I can’t have her, nobody else on this team gets her.

Listen—not all sex is special, but some is supposed to be, and I’m not sure that’s been Jennie’s experience. Because there’s something going on here, something that ruined this for her.

It’s in that moment I realize what she needs. Encouragement. Reassurance. Praise. She needs to know she makes me feel as good as I make her feel.

“Two weeks ago you couldn’t even string an entire sentence together.” “Yeah, ’cause you’re hot as balls and you intimidated the fuck out of me.” “And not anymore?” “Nah, not so much. Not now that I know I can boss you around just as well, but in a different way.”

I like when you tell me what you want to do to me. It makes me feel …” Her cheeks blaze as she looks away. “Makes you feel what?” “Wanted,” she admits on a murmur. “I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”

“Besides your banging body, pretty eyes, and perfect smile, Jennie, you’re a smart-ass who can hold her own. You dish it out without missing a beat, and you push yourself. You’re also funny as hell, and you yell at the refs when they make shitty calls. I always wanted to know you better than I did. I’m glad I get to now.”

Talking about nothing with her … it’s nice.

The older I get, the more prominent my status as a loner becomes. But the thing is, I don’t want to be alone. Maybe that’s why it’s getting increasingly difficult to balance the I hate them and wouldn’t be caught dead wasting my time with people like that with the I wish they’d invited me.

“I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I want you to have everything you want and deserve, and I don’t know how to express that all, so it’s coming out as tears!”

“Wanna talk about it?” “Uh, right now?” “Sure.” My ears grow hot. “It’s not a big deal.” “Sounds like it is, so we’re gonna talk about it.”

“I’ve never shared this with anyone else.” “I’d be honored if you shared it with me, but I understand if you don’t want to.”

I know this relationship is physical, but the way he treats me tells me I’m his friend first, and he’d take that over the rest if he had to. He knows when to be rough, commanding, possessive, while also knowing when to give me his patient, gentle, and goofy side. But above all, he’s always genuine with me, and it’s refreshing to no longer have to guess what’s going through his mind when he looks at me.

“I think it’s great you’re able to be honest with yourself. That you acknowledge what you want and what no longer serves you, or when you aren’t exactly sure what your next step is. I also think it’s awesome you can look back on your dance career and recognize what didn’t work and what you don’t want to repeat one day when you’re the teacher. I’m really proud to be your friend, Jennie.”

Yes, I meet lots of girls, but there’s no one else I’d rather do this with. I like you, Jennie. You’re fun and you make me laugh. I like to boss you around in the bedroom and you like to boss me around the rest of the time. We’re compatible, and the chemistry is explosive, which is why I think this works so well. On top of that, you’re quickly climbing your way to the top of my best friend list.”

I learned it was safer to keep my mouth shut. If I was quiet, I was less likely to be on the receiving end of his words. Sometimes I still have trouble speaking my mind, like I’m worried someone might not like what I have to say.”

What you need is a partner, a best friend. Someone who’s patient with you, who waits for you to open up when you’re ready and wants to walk through all your battles with you. Someone who makes you laugh, who complements your incredible qualities. You have such a big heart, Jennie, and I wish you’d open up a space in it for someone. I know you’re afraid. But life is too short to be afraid.”

I feel a little bit more me when I’m with this man. He sees past all the bravado, sees both the bold and the quiet, the gentle that simmers below the fierce, and instead of turning away, he takes my hand and walks with me.

“I think you’re my best friend.” She drops her gaze to my chest, cheeks radiating with heat. “It would really hurt me to lose you.”

But that doesn’t mean he feels what I feel. I’ve been wrong before, and I don’t want to be wrong about Garrett. That feels a lot like losing him, and he’s not a loss I’m willing to risk.

Being with you is like watching my favorite TV show. I’m always on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what comes next.”

It’s just … sometimes it feels like I don’t fit in with anyone.” “You weren’t made to fit in, Jennie. You stand out way too much to hide in the shadows.”

Garrett’s my solid and my steady. He’s the constant in my life, the smile always waiting for me, the friendship that never wanes, the connection that grows stronger each day. He’s the warm arms that hug me, the fingers that drift down my back, the quiet voice that eases my worries at the end of the day and promises to be my safe place to land.

“Thank you for coming back.” “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” “You’re allowed to have feelings, Jennie, and it’s okay if that feeling is anger.”

“I think I just want to feel like I have a space in this world, people that love me for me.”

And he said no. He saw my struggle and instead of taking something he wanted, he gave me what I needed.

“Are you proud of who you are now?” “I want to be, but sometimes I’m not even sure who that is anymore.” “I know who you are, Jennie. You’re a dedicated friend, sister, and dancer. You’re hardworking, competitive, and you always strive to be better than you were the day before. You’re committed and loyal to the people you care about, even though not everyone has been loyal to you. You’re sassy and sarcastic, and you don’t hesitate to clap back most of the time, shut everyone up and put us all in our place.”

“But you have a quiet side too. A side that craves downtime, that likes to snuggle in bed and whisper about the best and worst parts of your days. You overanalyze everything because you think about every possible ending. You hate that you do, but you care too much about what people who don’t matter think about you. You have a big heart, and you cry at every single Disney movie, even the parts that aren’t sad, because all that love hits you hard. You’re a secret softie, but you like everyone to think you’re a little bit scary, that you’re unshakable. “But here’s the thing, Jennie. You don’t have to be strong and confident all the time. You’re allowed to have insecurities, to be afraid, to feel lonely. Those things don’t make you weak; they make you human.”

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, but if you’re not, know that I am.

“I know your walls are there for a reason. All I ask is that every once in a while you let me in and show me around. I’ll hold your hand while you do it, and I promise I won’t let go.”

My forever has been a lonely one so far. I hadn’t realized the weight of the emptiness until Garrett filled it so effortlessly,

She’s all my favorite things rolled into one.

“What are you waiting for?” I drag my thumb across her lower lip. “Just looking at you. Sometimes I can’t believe you exist.”

“Why?” Why? Why the fuck not? She’s beautiful, my best friend. She makes me smile when she’s not even doing a damn thing, and she lives rent-free in my head twenty-four seven. Who had any right making her this magnificent? When I look at her, a thousand emotions swirl inside me, and it’s hard to choose just one to focus on.

I know things are complicated with her brother and her looming job offer, but I’d rather take the leap and commit to figuring it out together than never try. I’m not reckless enough to let her slip through my fingers.

because I didn’t really find myself until I found him.

Don’t you like her?” “I’m not sure like is a strong enough word.” “Doesn’t that answer your question?

“She called me this morning. Asked if I knew where you were because you’d had a fight, and she went to your place to talk to you, but you weren’t there. It wasn’t my place to tell her, Garrett, so I didn’t, but you need to. She’s either part of your life, or she’s not. You don’t get to ask her to let you in and then not do the same for her, especially when it affects your relationship. You have every right to be upset about everything, what happened with your dad, what she said, even though I doubt she meant it … but you don’t shut her out. You’re better than that.”