Play With Me (Playing for Keeps, #2)

by Becka Mack

I don’t want to be alone anymore. But I don’t want to be lost either.

For once in my life, I just want to be loved. Loved for who I am, for what I have to give. I want someone to see everything I bring to the table and eagerly sit down with me.

“I’m so fucking tired of pretending.” “Pretending what?” It’s nothing but a breathy whisper as he prowls toward me, matching each of my steps backward. His strong hands cup my face, piercing gaze locked on mine as he looms above me. My heart slams in my chest as his thumb sweeps across my lower lip, and his eyes dip, watching as my lips part on a jagged inhale, before flipping back up to mine. “I’m so fucking tired of pretending I’m not in love with you.”

“Circling back to your impatience … I love that too. It’s not selfish or tiring, but the opposite. You’re so genuinely hyped up about so many things that you want to take them into your hands right away. It makes me want to experience everything with you. Your happiness is addicting.”

“How many more reasons do you have?” He scratches his head. “Uh, I dunno. I was going through all of them on the plane ride home today. It was six hours long, and I ran out of time.”

“You’re my best friend, Jennie, but I don’t want to be just friends anymore. I don’t want some of the benefits, I want all of them. I want all of you.” “I’m already yours, Garrett, because of the friendship we built.”

“This mouth gets you into a lot of trouble, huh?” “You call it trouble; I call it fun.”

I radiate happiness because he gave me the space to shine.

“I don’t like lying to him anymore, Jennie. Not when I don’t see an end in sight for us.” My heart pitter-patters. “You don’t?”

“You are so good for me, Garrett. But more than that, we’re good for each other. You’ve helped me overcome things in a few months that I haven’t been able to get over in several years. I think in the end that’ll be what matters to Carter.”

I’m not going to let her be just my Sunday night anymore. I want her to be my sleepy Monday morning, my thank-fuck-it’s-Friday, my stay-in-bed Saturday, and all the other days too.

“None of you would have ever found me if it weren’t for Carter.” My heart squeezes for her, the way she’s convincing herself that she’s losing more than just Carter, that without him, she has nothing to offer.

and no matter what, you’ll always be my best friend, and I’ll always be your safe place to land.

Maybe I’d grown accustomed to being alone. To the thought that I wasn’t just right for anyone, any relationship, friendship or otherwise. Maybe I convinced myself I was okay with that. The solitude had become a peaceful reprieve for me. It was my quiet place to rest, to take off all my masks, and let myself be without fear of rejection.

And suddenly it clicks. I can stand on my own, but I don’t have to. I’m allowed to be one part of a whole.

Real love isn’t conditional. It’s seeing somebody for everything they are and accepting all of them. It’s knowing you’re friends first and lovers second, understanding that arguments are opportunities to know each other deeper. It’s dinner waiting in the microwave, lights left on to welcome you home safely. It’s showering together so you can kiss a little longer. It’s two a.m. secrets spilled while you’re wrapped up in each other, dancing in the kitchen, Disney movies on the couch while crying your heart out. It’s supporting dreams, growing together, and growing separately. Because when you can stand strong on your own, you can stand strong together.

“Jennie deserves the world.” “And I want to give her it.”

I got to have all of her, even the parts I didn’t know I wanted. Now that I’ve had them, I don’t know how to slow down. All I want to do is barrel forward, but I don’t want to push her.

You’re my best friend, and we found everything we needed when we found each other. Falling in love with you is like checking the very last thing off my bucket list.”

“You know, I’m not sure we ever really fell in love. I think we built it from the ground up. We made each other a priority, made our friendship a safe place to be together and learn together. We wanted honesty and trust, and we worked every day to get it. We planted the seeds, and when I bloomed, it was because you took my hand and made sure all of me got space to shine, even the parts I was content to leave inside the shadows.”

he’s not sorry. He wasn’t before and he’s sure as hell not now. What he wants is forgiveness he doesn’t deserve. He wants to walk away without the guilt of what he’s done.

Nobody took the time to get to know me, so I put up walls to keep everyone out, to avoid the heartache altogether. In the end, all I did was lose bits of myself. I placed myself in a box and hid my most vulnerable parts, the pieces I was too scared to show, the parts that made me exactly who I was, because I was afraid people wouldn’t love me for me.