The Fiancée Farce
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Read between August 13 - August 25, 2024
57%
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sang ‘Santa Baby’ while wearing totally sheer Mrs. Claus lingerie.”
safari booker {hiatus}
that’s disgusting
57%
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“Did I mention she was seven months pregnant with twins at the time? Or that she gave Victor a lap dance in front of all of us?” Gemma grimaced.
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it just keeps getting worse omg
57%
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Tansy joked. “I might like to see it.” “I beg you.” Gemma let her arms fall theatrically behind her head. “Spare me, please.”
58%
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“And you are mine, aren’t you?”
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AHHHHHHHHH
58%
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“I’m yours.” Her smile widened. “For better or worse.”
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STOP MY HEART
59%
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Gemma (8:49 p.m.): I wouldn’t say no if you wanted to kiss it better. Tansy (8:50 p.m.): 5535756459 Tansy (8:50 p.m.): Better? Gemma (8:51 p.m.):
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they’re so cringy bro lol
61%
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Gemma (8:14 p.m.): And you can’t say it *is* too much if *you* don’t know how much it is. We can keep going in circles all night.
61%
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Gemma (8:18 p.m.): Tansy, sweetheart, just . . . I’ve never gotten the chance to woo anyone before. It’s new. All of this is new for me.
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“just…” - why’d the author have her text that…no one text like that
61%
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Tansy (8:19 p.m.): You hardly have to woo me. I’m already yours, remember?
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OOOF
61%
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That sounded an awful lot like Gemma was thinking long term.
61%
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Gemma (8:22 p.m.): You’re thinking small, sweetheart. I can do all of that *and* build you a rare books room *and* whisk you away to Al Barbacani Venezia for the best Italian food you’ve ever eaten in your life. It’s not an either/or deal.
61%
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Tucker lifted a hand to his chest, a faux pout twisting his lips. “You wound me, Tansy.”
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dumb bibbliy bitch
63%
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Lucy had taken the news that Gemma and Tansy were dating better than expected, far better than she’d taken the news of their engagement.
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she’s apart of it
64%
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“Shh.” Yvonne pressed her finger to his lips. “Enough, mon petit chou-fleur. It’s good.” Max grinned at Teddy. “You hear that? I’m her petit chou-fleur.”
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bitch what lmaooo
65%
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sharing a loofah,
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that’s disgusting. why would you ever want to do that?
68%
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crosshairs???? not crossfire?
70%
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“I feel like I’m living in a Taylor Swift song!”
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no tf you don’t…TS is not the one for this moment
70%
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“Maximillian,” Gemma gasped. “You didn’t.” He cringed. “I think I did. Guys, I think I fucked up.”
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this bitch lmaoo
70%
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This would never happen in a Taylor Swift song!
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stop bring this girl up omg no one cares!
70%
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“Four, if someone is willing to ride in the trunk.”
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“My butt?” Tansy snorted. “You’re offering to kiss my ass?”
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sounds like my gf lol
75%
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Tansy (3:56 p.m.): I think I’m going to need the whole day to properly express my gratitude.
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OH?
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Tansy (9:24 a.m.): I’m always thinking about
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Van Adams sounds weirdly presidential, don’t you think?”
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it does actually lol
75%
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“Mom?”
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WHOA? I WAS THINKING AN EX BUT OKAY??
76%
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“That, too.” Brooks coughed into his fist. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
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i knew they liked each other
76%
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“Gemma,” Mom scolded softly. “Calm your tits, baby, it’s champagne. Not a marriage proposal.” “Yet.” Brooks smirked. Mom arched a brow. “You, hold your horses.” Brooks positively beamed. “Yes, ma’am.”
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STOP- why i love them together 😭
77%
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“Quite frankly, my only love.”
77%
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“Lena’s right behind me, isn’t she?”
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very lame very cringy
78%
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Gemma had foregone earrings in favor of a showstopping diamond choker.
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definitely could’ve worn both
79%
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Gemma leaned in, shutting Tansy up with a kiss. “I never promised to play fair,” Gemma whispered against her lips. “Now, let’s go home so you can motorboat me some more in private.”
safari booker {hiatus}
very cringy but still very cute :)
80%
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“I’ll be right beside you the entire time. You say I do, I say I do, they pronounce us wife and wife, we kiss, boom, hitched. It’ll be a piece of cake, and after it’s all said and done, we get to eat cake.” Her smile went sly. “And if you get nervous up there, just picture me in my underwear.”
81%
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White ranunculus, pink roses, and—oh. Tansies.
81%
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“This is the happiest day of my life.”
81%
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“Bitsie, control your son. He’s ruining my daughter’s wedding day.”
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love that love that
82%
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Tucker was staring directly at Lucy.
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I FUCKING KNEW IT THAT BITCH
82%
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So, really”—he smirked—“this is all your fault, Tansy.”
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he’s a bitch and i hate hun
83%
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“Because.” Lucy smiled, a cruel, twisted little slash. “You Van Dalens are all the same. You don’t know what love is, and you ruin everything, everyone, you touch.”
safari booker {hiatus}
shut the fuck up bitch ouuu i hate her baddddd
84%
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Gemma had made Tansy one promise. That she wouldn’t let Tucker or anyone else in her family hurt Tansy again and— She fucked up. She failed.
safari booker {hiatus}
oh honey :(
84%
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It wasn’t what Mom had said, and probably wasn’t what she meant, but all Gemma could hear was haven’t you done enough damage?
84%
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All promises Gemma had broken.
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:(
86%
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“That’s it, then? You’re just going to give me this and—and go?” Her lower lip wobbled. “Am I ever even going to see you again?”
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right, y’all were literally dating ?!
86%
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“If that’s what you want.”
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“You dodged a bullet. Trust me.”
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hate when they do this!
87%
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Money could do plenty, but she doubted it could buy her a new heart.
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technically…it can, but let me not dtm
87%
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“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Don’t I seem fine?”
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dky but i hated this line
88%
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And I ignored it because . . . I didn’t know what else to do.
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not a good enough answer for me but i like that you’re taking accountability
88%
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every boundary Tansy had ever established.
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were they ever boundaries, if you never put down consequences?
88%
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“I don’t want her to protect me,” she muttered.
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you piss me off every day
88%
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“Of course, as soon as you have the funds to purchase . . .”
safari booker {hiatus}
why can’t she just pass the store down to her??? her father literally gave it to her, she didn’t even purchase it?????