More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
One of the worst parts of depression is that in its cunning, it wholesale convinces you that it will last forever. But that, of course, would be impossible.
Similarly, Smith’s music and other music that might seem—or even be—sad or blue makes sense to me, because I listen to it and think, “That’s how I feel inside,” so why not accept that and listen to music that helps me find some equilibrium between my interior and my exterior?
I must confess I now find it difficult to truly and fully relax around people who haven’t had some significant tragedy and pain in their lives. Just another one of the many things that make me a fun hang.
The pressure created by the machine sucking on my thumb or forefinger that many times gave me callouses. After Henry died, those callouses began to fade away. I hated that. I hated it so much. Please let me have my little hard bumps on my fingers that I can rub and think of him. They reminded me of helping him breathe, which it was my privilege to do. I could touch them and know they were there because of him. They told me that I loved him and he needed me and that he was real.
One time, Oscar got into Henry’s bed (which was a full bells-and-whistles hospital bed) after setting up his nightly feed. I read to them and Oscar fell asleep before Henry did. Henry was AGLOW looking at his big brother asleep next to him. The greatest possible treat.
in quiet moments I do what I think a lot of people do, and try to parse it all and understand it, though that’s so rarely possible.
Whenever someone tells me they’re expecting their first baby and they’re nervous, I tell them the following: “Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. Listen, of course you’re nervous but here’s the deal: you’re ready for all the bad stuff. You’ve been very tired before. You’ve been in pain before. You’ve been worried about money before. You’ve felt like an incapable moron before. So you’ll be fine with the difficult parts! You’re already a pro. What you’re NOT ready for is the wonderful parts. NOTHING can prepare you for how amazing this will be. There is no practice for that.
...more
Rather, I suspect I am a glass of water, and when I die, the contents of my glass will be poured into the same vast ocean that Henry’s glass was poured into, and we will mingle together forever. We won’t know who’s who. And you’ll get poured in there one day, too.
