Begin Again

by Emma Lord

“I know,” says Milo, his eyes momentarily so intent on mine that my cheeks somehow burn even hotter.

“You could threaten Milo with his mortal life, and I’m pretty sure you couldn’t get him into Barb’s on a Friday n—” Shay’s jaw drops. I follow her gaze, whipping around to see Milo walking gingerly into the establishment, dodging a drunk co-ed with a pint of beer sloshing in his hand. I yank up my arm to wave him over just as Shay mutters, “Well I’ll be damned.”

“Or do that thing where he blinks just long enough that you think he’s fallen asleep standing up.”

Its the way she notices the little things about himmmm

“Hmm,” he says, examining it, then examining me. “What ever should I do with this.” We’re at close range now. If he throws it I’m going to become a human icicle. “You wouldn’t.”

UGHHH SO CUTE

“I should never have let her read it. I don’t even know what possessed me. We just—sang so much that night we went to karaoke that I must have been drunk on the ABBA of it all, and she asked to read it, and I just…”

THEY'RE GONNA GET TOGETHER. JUST WAIT.

“Dear god. It’s a sentient teddy bear.”

BAHSSHJSHSS HELP I LOVE HIM

we’re both laughing so hard at each other that I don’t even see the woman approaching

But people who only like to do stuff they’re already great at? They end up limiting themselves. And they end up regretting it.”

‘Anything worth doing starts with a mess.’” We let the words settle in the air, holding their own quiet weight. Then Milo lifts his head to look at me again. “I like that,” I say. “Like—getting a new start doesn’t mean you have to wipe the slate clean. Just pick up the pieces. Begin again.”

“Are you okay?” “Peachy.” “Milo.”

“Because it seems like you’re telling me to get over my ex when you can’t get over a guy you’ve been running around for all semester, who can’t even be bothered to text you on Valentine’s Day.”

!!!

“Why don’t I get a random tea?” Milo turns back around abruptly, heading for his stool. “Because I wasn’t an asshole to you yesterday.”

Milo smiles this slow, satisfied smile, one so disarming that for a moment it takes everything in me not to stare directly at it. Not to wonder about the origin of it—if it was a smile that he used to smile often, or one that has only ever been reserved for rare moments like this.

AAAAA

And then, for the first time, I’m not reaching for the braver version of myself I once was. This time she seems to reach out to me. This time she seems to shove.

“The, uh—the glitter eyeshadow you have on. It’s really cute.”

THEY ARE IN LOVE BRO

Shay presses a hand to her scarf in the same place Valeria touched it.

and I can’t help wondering if there’s more to it than that.

“I really, really like her.”

“For the record, Milo,” I say quietly into the new air, “I would miss you.”

“I … want to kiss you,”

“I affectionately tolerate you.” Then he uses his foot to hook the chair from Shay’s desk and pull it closer to him, beckoning for me to sit next to him.

The kind of moment that forms a tattoo in your heart before you even fully understand how much it means to you, living in it and outside it at the same time, making it a part of your story before you know how the story ends.

I’m starting to recognize that families take shapes of their own, and I’m lucky to have more than one. It’s like Milo said. I have my grandmas. My friends at Blue Ridge. This town that’s still here for me, even when I’m far from it. Things I never took for granted, of course, but maybe didn’t appreciate for what they were—the peace of being known.

“You,” he says, with more fondness in his voice than my heart can take, “are one ridiculous human being.”

ABSAJHSJSJQKSJ EHEEEH

Milo lets out a laugh, something he very rarely does on air. “Yeah. She’s got that effect on people.”

she’s basically the whole reason I believe in love again.”

OH MY DAYS

“For what it’s worth—me too.”

IM GOING TO SOB