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July 8 - August 5, 2023
What if we observed our baby first, rather than rushing to fix things?
What if changing diapers, feeding, and bedtime became moments of connection instead of chores to be rushed through? What if we slowed down to make time for language and for conversation, even with a newborn baby?
What if we let go of everything we are told we need to buy, and instead provide a simple, beautiful space for our baby?
When we look into a baby’s eyes, there is a lot of mystery waiting to be discovered. They are saying to us, “If you want to learn about me, watch me.”
the mother’s voice and heartbeat—both of which the baby would have heard in the womb—are familiar landmarks, or points of reference, that can help them orient to their new surroundings. The baby’s hands are another familiar landmark. They have touched their face and moved their limbs while in utero, so they can find comfort in these familiar friends. We often unknowingly take away these references when we put gloves on the baby’s hands or dress or wrap our baby in a way that restricts access to their hands or to free movement.
The baby’s days and activities need to be predictable. We can help them by creating orderly environments and developing routines and cues that will help them anticipate where they are or what comes next.
We humans are problem solvers who need to use our mathematical mind. We often unknowingly rob babies of the opportunities to meet this need. You might wonder how a baby could solve problems. It can be as simple as reaching out for a toy rather than having it placed in their hand.
Repetition is a human tendency that allows us to master skills. When we observe babies repeating an action, instead of assuming they are struggling, need help, or might be bored, we can allow the opportunity and time for repetition.
Babies are in a sensitive period for order. They seem to crave order in tangible and intangible ways. A baby who is always placed on the left side of their bed might notice and react negatively when placed on the right side. We can help the baby by preparing an orderly environment where everything has a place. We can also be as consistent as possible in our processes and routines when caring for the baby. Just as with helping them get oriented (see page 16), we provide landmarks or points of reference to help the child absorb the order. These points of reference could be auditory (a sound or a
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We can help by talking to the baby from the very beginning and using rich, beautiful language. We don’t need to dumb down sentences or use imaginary words. Instead, we use the most beautiful words we can, name objects that the baby encounters, talk to them about what is happening around them, and also listen and acknowledge when they communicate using sound and babbles.
From the beginning of the baby’s life, we can get into the habit of conversing with our baby. When we pick them up in the morning we can say, “Good morning, sunshine! Did you sleep well?” Wait for a response. It might be a smile or a slight movement, and you can respond accordingly:
Observation is really the key to implementing Montessori with our baby.
It is through observation that we can tell if the baby’s human tendencies are being served. Are they able to explore freely? Are they getting opportunities for repetition?
She thought naps would be a good way to transition him to his room, and then they would gradually move to night sleeping in his bed. However, when she would put him down for his nap, he would wake up around 40 minutes later. This was much shorter than his usual 2 hours, so she immediately thought the floor bed was not working.
So when she put him down for a nap in her room the next day, she stayed and observed. She noticed he slept around 40 minutes and then he woke up, lifted his head, looked around, and then went right back to sleep and slept for a little more than 2 hours in total. The next day, she did the same but in his room. She put him down, and right around 40 minutes, he woke up just like the day before, lifted his head, and looked around, and she noticed a change on his face. He did not recognize where he was. He was disoriented! He started to cry, she picked him up. … She had figured out the problem.
When we notice that the baby is focused on something, even something as simple as looking at their own hands or playing with their feet, it is important to not interrupt. When we observe, we start to recognize the baby’s amazing capabilities, and it can be tempting to praise or acknowledge in that moment, but as much as possible, we should remember to enjoy observing and not interfere with or break the baby’s focus.
create a warm, simple, loving space for them, without getting drawn into the commercialization of having a baby. Babies do not need a lot.
An experienced birth attendant will focus on the mother more than measurements. They look for cues like how high the baby is and how it lowers, and focus on how to get the baby into good alignment, not just focusing on dilation.
Ideally, the baby is on their parent’s chest, skin-to-skin, until the cord stops pulsating. If left alone, the umbilical cord eventually narrows to a point where it can then be cut.
The topponcino can become a point of reference for the baby and gives a soft layer of protection.
It prevents overstimulation when handled by family and friends, and it allows the baby to be transferred from arms to bed without triggering their startle reflex. Parents using the topponcino say they take it everywhere.
This is the key: to move through everything you do with a newborn at 5 percent of your normal speed. Don’t allow yourself to get stressed and feed off of the crying baby’s anxiety, rather, offer a calm energy that he can feed off of. This is what is called co-regulation.
Before picking him up, talk to him about how you are going to pick him up. Before each action, pause and look into his eyes, at a distance of 12 inches (30 cm), to see how he is doing, what he is thinking. If you want to see what this looks like, at the very beginning of Bernard Martino’s documentary, Loczy: A Place to Grow
Displaying only a few activities helps develop the baby’s concentration. Display only the ones the baby is working to master, so they don’t feel overwhelmed.
Keep out a few activities, store the rest, and rotate them when the baby is looking for new challenges.
When we notice that they are no longer interested in an activity or it appears to be too easy or difficult for them, we can store it for another time and bring out a different activity.
It is recommended that babies sleep in the parents’ room, close to the parents’ bed, but on a separate surface designed for infants, ideally for the first year of life, but at least for the first 6 months.
We offer as little help as possible and as much as necessary, observing before intervening and allowing the baby to solve problems.
Observation is a form of respect: When we observe our children before responding or to understand them, we are effectively saying to them, “You know something I don’t. Show me. Help me understand more about you.”
When we say something to our baby, it can take 8 to 10 seconds for them to process it, so we can build this time into our interactions and wait for their response.
A baby who is throwing objects might be communicating a need for more gross-motor movement, and a baby who is throwing food might simply be communicating that they are full or not interested in the meal.
We don’t need to constantly entertain the baby. It becomes exhausting for the adult and can be detrimental for the baby. Babies learn through active experience and by doing instead of being entertained. So we provide an environment that encourages our baby to engage themselves.
Toys that entertain also affect concentration. These are the toys that sing, flash, beep, talk, and do all sorts of things at the press of a button. This kind of entertainment leads to passivity and takes away that sense of wonder and accomplishment that comes from direct discovery.
Put on a cartoon or a typical children’s television program. Take out a stopwatch and count how many scene and color changes happen in 3 minutes. The real world moves much more slowly. Children can get used to this stimulating pace and will struggle to slow down and focus. This passive entertainment is often very noisy. Our babies are sensorial learners best suited to learning through their mouths and hands, so we can turn off screens and let them discover this beautiful world we live in.
Once we have recognized concentration, we do not interrupt. Not to help, not to congratulate, not to correct. We can simply smile to ourselves, enjoy their achievements and process, and watch from a distance. During their development, concentration is fragile. It is easily broken, and when the baby experiences this a few times, they can stop trying to concentrate. It is so beautiful to watch a baby completely absorbed and engaged in something.
Offer food and wait for baby to accept and take it. If breastfeeding, from birth, the baby can be placed on the tummy and chest and, if we wait, they will find and move toward the breast by themselves.
Our baby’s cry can trigger our freeze, fight, or flight mode. This is not a rational mode, so it is important to take a moment to take our brains out of that mode before responding. It can be a deep breath and a reminder to ourselves to calm down.
Modeling: Montessori parents, like Montessori teachers, can be our child’s guide. This means that we are neither their boss nor their servant.
when it comes to gender, we can be careful not to unconsciously assign qualities like strength, beauty, or specific interests to one gender over the other. Girls can be strong and boys can be caring. Boys may enjoy playing with dolls and girls may enjoy playing with vehicles. By the way we talk to our babies, the way we dress them, and the opportunities we offer them, we can frame the way they perceive gender and the roles they assign to each gender. Research has shown that there are actually very few differences in the first year between girls’ brains and boys’ brains.
A choke tester can be used to check the size of objects offered for children under 3 years. This is a cylinder that is 2.25 inches long by 1.25 inches wide (5.7 cm long by 3.2 cm wide), about the width of two fingers. A toilet paper tube can also be used to check for safety. If it can fit in the toilet paper roll, it is probably a choking hazard.
We could have one activity out for a 1-month-old, two for a 2-month-old, etc. Ideally, we do not want more than five or six things available at a time in one place even for an older baby.
Every time an activity comes out of rotation, it feels new or like a long-lost friend.
Our role is to prepare the environment, not to entertain
It is important to understand our role in the baby’s play. We are to gain knowledge about our baby’s development, prepare the environment, link the baby to the environment, and allow freedom and time for the baby to explore. We avoid entertaining or initiating the baby’s activity. What does it mean to link the baby to the environment? It means that we simply put them in the movement area or in the space where they have freedom to explore.
As much as possible, we avoid placing toys in the baby’s hands or rattling them above their faces to get their attention or entertain them. We place an item within view and within reach, leaving it up to them to choose to reach for it. This is practice for them in making choices and requires persistence and patience. When we allow these choices, we are allowing the baby to follow their own initiative and laying the foundation of intentional and purposeful actions.
When babies entertain themselves, they are in control of this aspect of their day and can choose what, how, and for how long they engage with each activity. We try not to interrupt or interfere, even to compliment or praise. Babies are amazing, and when we prepare the environment and observe, they will do amazing things. We have to learn to celebrate internally or maybe wait until we can tell a partner or friend or relative to recount and celebrate, or we can surreptitiously take a picture. But as much as possible, do not distract the baby. When we observe them, we will start to notice that
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The baby is the main actor in their play. They are their own entertainer. This means we avoid toys that talk or light up and make all kinds of sounds when buttons are pressed. We choose materials that come to life because of the baby’s action. We also don’t use the television as an entertainer.
Feet are better left exposed. They are used for a lot of transition positions, and shoes can interfere with both the baby’s perception of the feet and their development.
Hands are best left exposed, too. As tempting as it is to cover a newborn’s hands to stop them from scratching their face, having their hands near their face is a tactile experience they had in utero.
Pacifiers can also be obstacles to the proper development of language.
