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July 13 - July 13, 2023
That’s how we traditionally view toughness: overcoming obstacles with a combination of perseverance, discipline, and stoicism.
In the decades since, no team has been able to match their record.
What about UCLA in 1966-67, 1971-72, or 1972-73?
Our definition of toughness in the broader world is broken. We’ve confused it with callousness and machismo, of being manly and stoic.
Toughness has been hijacked. We’ve prioritized external displays over true inner strength.
Instead, real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective at getting results than the old one.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can.
In the chapters that follow, I’m going to take you through the four pillars of real toughness so that you have the tool kit to navigate whatever obstacle you face. PILLAR 1: Ditch the Facade, Embrace Reality PILLAR 2: Listen to Your Body PILLAR 3: Respond Instead of React PILLAR 4: Transcend Discomfort
How do we get from discomfort to action? Feel → Inner debate → Urge → Decision (freak out OR find our way through) We experience some sort of sensation or feeling while our mind runs rampant with internal thoughts that push and pull us in different directions. Both our feelings and thoughts nudge or urge us toward some sort of decision. To quit, persist, or change our goals before we ultimately make a decision.
In the rest of this book, we will unpack the pillars that allow us to address every part of this cycle from what we feel all the way to the decision we make.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus our perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands?
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Embrace reality. Accurate appraisal of demands + accurate appraisal of our abilities.
We often mask our insecurities with perfectionism and extreme levels of work.
When our confidence is low, our toolbox shrinks.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Confidence is a filter, tinting how we see the challenges before us and our ability to handle them.
To develop true, inner confidence, there are four steps: Lower the bar. Raise the floor. Shed perfection. Embrace who you are. Trust your training. Trust yourself. Develop a quiet ego.
Chapter 5 Know When to Hold ’Em and When to Fold ’Em
When we lack control, our stress spikes.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Our level of control changes how we respond to stress. When we have a sense of control, our alarm is quieter and easier to shut off.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM When we don’t have control, we lose the capacity to cope. It’s when we have a choice that toughness is trained.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Feelings are subject to distortion. They depend on context and interpretation. The better we’re able to interpret, the better our ultimate decision.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Feelings send a message, conveying information and nudging us toward a behavior.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Poor interoception → Poor predictions → Lower toughness and worse decision making
TOUGHNESS MAXIM If the messenger (feeling) shouts loud enough, a corresponding thought will enter our awareness to motivate us toward a behavioral response or action. Our inner speech serves to integrate our variety of systems or selves. To bring concerns and motives to awareness and decide what to do with them.
In a study looking at positive self-talk, researchers out of the University of Waterloo found that positive self-talk worked as long as the subject had high self-esteem. If they had low self-esteem, positive self-talk could be detrimental. In other words, your brain isn’t going to be fooled by false bravado. We need a degree of belief that what we are saying is true. When it comes to self-talk, if you fake it, you don’t make it.
Burnout is epidemic in most Western countries, with surveys indicating that as many as 76 percent of US workers experience its hideous effects.
The author doesn't give us a source for this statement and it lacks two significant components. Is it 76 percent experience burnout at least once in their lifetime, or per year, or some other measure? And he doesn't give us a sense of the severity of the burnout being experienced.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Respond to reality. For most of us, we are not only responding to the actual stress but the reverberations of it. Tough individuals learn to match perception with reality so that they marshal the appropriate response instead of an exaggerated one.
Music grabs attention and distracts us from other feedback. You might have noticed the same phenomenon when working. Listening to music or maybe even a podcast helps when replying to emails, but it impedes when completing a task requiring deep focus. When we need to expend our cognitive resources on staying engaged, even the subtle beat of the music in the background sends us to sensory overload. When effort is required, you need to be engaged. It’s why endurance athletes ditch the headphones to train the capacity to be alone in their heads.
The author doesnt cite any source for this. My guess is that it's valid for endurance athletes, but not for writers or office workers. Personally, listening to a podcast, or anything with words, is distracting whether I'm handling emails or writing.
Scientific research validates such an approach.
Really? What research?
When our attention narrows, our cognition follows. Our
But if instead of trying to force your mood to change you change your behavior—getting out of bed and going for a walk—you often find yourself in a much better, happier place.
Top performers figure out when to go broad and when to narrow.
Easy to say but hard to do. Some how-to here would have been helpful
TOUGHNESS MAXIM The best performers tend to have a flexible and adaptive coping ability. They can bounce between different strategies, depending on the demands of the situation.
When it comes to using coping strategies, the science points to two key attributes that we need to develop: Flexibility to use different strategies Capacity to be able to utilize them When it comes to making tough decisions, we need to practice different strategies: zooming in and out, distracting and associating, and so forth.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM When we satisfy our needs, we are allowed to fulfill our potential. Satisfying our basic needs is the fuel that allows us to put to work all of the tools we’ve developed to be tough.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM Purpose is the fuel that allows you to be tough.
TOUGHNESS MAXIM When we explore instead of avoid, we are able to integrate the experience into our story. We’re able to make meaning out of struggle, out of suffering. Meaning is the glue that holds our mind together, allowing us to both respond and recover.
