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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can.
Toughness should not be defined as inherently masculine but in a neutral sense with no gender roles required
The lesson wasn’t that we just need to put people in difficult spots and force them to deal with adversity. We need to teach them how to navigate the discomfort they’ll soon face.
Toughness is about embracing the reality of where we are and what we have to do. Not deluding ourselves, filling ourselves with a false confidence, or living in denial. All of that simply sends us sprinting off the line, only to slow to a walk once reality hits. Being tough begins long before we enter the arena or walk on stage. It starts with our expectations.
Our ability to be “tough” and handle adversity starts well before we even encounter any difficulty. It starts with embracing the reality of the situation and what you’re capable of.
When we don’t think we have a shot, whether it’s in a race or in class, our brain shuts us down. Our mind jumps into protection mode, thinking, “Well, we aren’t going to win, so why waste any energy trying?” We are unintentionally killing our drive if we define success and failure in such a narrow way.
Simply being alone in your head goes a long way.
If all you do is leave the phone and headphones at home when you go on a walk, you’ll start to stretch your mental muscle. But we can also be intentional about the skills we’re trying to develop. I split them into three levels: noticing, turning the dial, and creating and amplifying. This progression builds upon what we learned in developing our interoceptive ability in chapter 6 and our inner voice in chapter 7
Upekkha is a concept that Buddhist monk Bhikkhu Bodhi described as such: “A spiritual virtue, upekkha means equanimity in the face of the fluctuations of worldly fortune. It is evenness of mind, unshakeable freedom of mind, a state of inner equipoise that cannot be upset by gain and loss, honor
Maslow wrote, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
