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For a moment, the pain of missing her is almost too much. When you lose someone that close, the enormity, the finality of it, sometimes hits you full force when you least expect it. When you are least prepared. And your heartbeat stutters and your knees nearly buckle, just like when you first heard they were gone.
“You didn’t have to imply anything, Si.” She tugs, freeing her elbow from my grip and looking down. “You obviously see our son’s emotional well-being as something worth fighting for, worth going to therapy for. I think it’s awesome.” Except it sounds like she may as well have said “I think you’re an asshole.”
Cause you didn't see her wellbeing or the future of ya'll's marriage as enough so yes that makes you an a-hole
“Wonder what, Yas? Why Josiah wouldn’t go for you?”
Exactly what she's wondering
“What I mean is my son was anxious about talking to someone and I wanted him to see he had nothing to worry about. That it’s fine for people to go to therapy, so I’m modeling it for him.”
Not even trying
Why would I unpack one of the most painful nights of my life with this stranger? My mouth is open, and the refusal rests on the tip of my tongue, but an image intrudes, shakes my absolute certainty that this dude can’t do a damn thing for me. It’s Kassim, walking into Dr. Cabbot’s office, looking back over his shoulder at his mom and me. Nervous, scared, uncertain, but assured because Yasmen said it was okay not to always be okay. You, too, Dad? Me too.
Yeeees... Give it a chance
“Sorry I’m late.” Our business manager, Harvey, rushes in and flops into the armchair, dropping his briefcase to the floor.
Read the rooooom
Josiah and I would have separate rooms, of course, but still…the idea of the two of us in another city with no kids, no Grits. No Vashti.
Shouldn't even be thinking about the idea if wanting to avoid it~ Take a friend along cause otherwiiiise.
She trusts me to be a good guy, and I will be.
Will you? Feels little sus...
She has proven she cannot be trusted, and I’d be a fool to ever believe otherwise.
Okay not wanting to get hurt again is valid, but this attitude is unfair.
“I mean, you could bring Vashti with you,” she says after another three seconds. “To Thanksgiving dinner, I mean.”
Girl. What are you trying to prove. . .
“You thought it was a good idea,” she continues, eyes narrowed behind her red-framed glasses, “to invite Josiah and his new girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner.”
Mhmmm tell her cause this was an awful idea
“What do you mean?”
Do not play stupid with your mother
“So you’re both moving on.”
If dating a guy when you know you have no interest in cause your ex ia dating is moving on
He’s wearing a Morehouse hoodie and dark jeans, and I’m not sure I prefer him business fine-ass or casual thirst trap. The man really needs to stop working out. And
You just prefer him - period. Trying to pretend otherwise while inviting his new gf to Thanksgiving is a recipe for disaster.
We seem to realize at the same moment that his thumb is tracing the sensitive skin above my chin, below my mouth. I’m sure it was merely muscle memory that made him touch me this way. Our bodies recall things we’ve chosen to forget.
“I know. I just wish you had told me.” She jerks her hand away, ostensibly to take another sip of her tea, but I can’t help but feel it’s a gesture of censure.
Oh, it is. She knows she wouldn't have told her at all if she hadn't asked AND she had to find out after that intimate display with your ex that everyone saw...
“I would have if it was important,” I say, loudly enough for only her to hear. “But it’s not. It’s just business.”
Who are you trying to convince
“Boy, you ain’t dumb, and I ain’t either.” The smile fades. “I know you, Josiah, and I know my daughter.”
Tell him! Especially before he crushes Vashti
I nod and glance around, searching the clear counters for any stray dish. “Your mom said Vashti left one of her dishes?” “I don’t think so.” A frown puckers Yasmen’s brows. “She double-checked before she left.” I hesitate, knowing I have no reason to linger, but feeling compelled to speak. “It was good, what Seem said today, huh?”
Fell for that easy trap set by the MIL
Not sure anything ever will, even though I have to try because she made her choice. It wasn’t me. Isn’t me.
Not fair. You didn't choose her either when she wanted to try therapy.
But maybe I need to stand still until I feel less for her than I do right now.
Looks like therapy is helping
“Yes, I have some unresolved issues from my marriage. No, nothing’s going on between Yasmen and me. I don’t plan for there to be.”
Don't plan for it buuuut
“I’ll be fine,” she cuts in, eyes going harder and chin set to a defiant angle. “I’ve worked too hard for too long to let a relationship derail my career. Grits is one of the hottest spots in the city. I’m not giving it up.”
You got this, Vashti
First Mama sent him into the kitchen for a dish Vashti did not leave behind. Now this. I see you, Mama.
Hah Carole knows what she's about
“You think other people can’t see it? That you still want him, and he still wants you?”
They allllll see it
“I got this, but you need to think about what I said, Yasmen. It’s not too late yet, but what if he marries her?”
Yes, exactly
The world has been shaken in a matter of a day. One event can fundamentally change the course of our lives forever. I know it’s one night, but it will be our first time under the same roof overnight in more than two years.
Yep, here we go
“Yeah, I am. It sounds like you’re scared to be in the room for one night with your ex-wife.” “Scared?” I stop pacing. “Pfftt.”
Terrified is the word
“Is that what you want?” I swivel my head back around to stare at her. “Compliments? You need me to tell you how good you look and smell? Mark not pumping up your ego enough?”
Oof no... no, no, no
“Look, Yas. I’m sorry.” Coward that I am, I address the apology to my window instead of to her face. She’s so damn perceptive, and I don’t need her knowing what’s really going on in my head and in my pants.
Well at least you're smart enough not to lean after into that mistake
“What?” My head pops up and I latch on to her words. “You two aren’t married? But how long have you—” “Thirty years we’ve been together.” Ken kisses the top of Merry’s head. “One successful business and two successful kids, but no rings.” “That’s…unconventional,” Josiah says. “We are that,” Merry says and laughs. “But it works for us. We didn’t need the paper or the hardware. Most of the marriages I saw growing up were traps, a means to keep women minimized. Not that I think my Ken would ever do that.”
Wow. A book actually portraying not getting married positively, and makes it clear the relationship is just as valid.
“I like the idea of you being gentle with yourself,” I reply, not looking up even when I feel her eyes land on me.
<3
When she said it, I didn’t want to think too deeply about what she wasn’t saying, but I’m learning not to ignore hard conversations. Hard feelings.
Damn...
“In every way possible. I needed to stop. To process, and maybe I stayed in that space too long. I’m sure I did, but I felt like you didn’t stop at all. It felt like you were running from everything I needed to work through. And we didn’t talk about any of it.”
Each handling grief in their own way and resenting each other for it...
Josiah pulls me over to him, wraps his arms around me. I huddle into his warmth, into an embrace so familiar it makes me ache that I haven’t had it. With our past coming back to haunt us, he’s tethering me to this night, keeping me from drifting back into a black hole that some days doesn’t feel far away.
“Si.” I push his name out, and my chest rises and falls with upheaving breaths. “Ask me again if I’m sorry you and Vashti broke up.”
Not a good idea, ya'll
“It’s not a good idea. I can’t…I can’t go there with you again.” The wildness of passion in his eyes is overlaid with resolve and caution.
Mhm this is not clear headed thinking
“Once,” he says, his voice hoarse but controlled, eyes hot and unwavering. “We do this once, get it out of our systems, and forget this night happened. That’s the only way it works.”
No. Leave now. This is a bad idea. Neither of ya'll really want one night.
“I see.” Understanding clears the frown from his face but clouds his eyes. “Is it that I’m not the one or that he still is?” A grin-grimace is all I can manage, his insight and straightforward question taking me by surprise. “I guess both?”
Smart man
Boyfriend? The hell he is. She wasn’t thinking about her boyfriend when I fucked her twice
Oh don't even. . . You're the one who made the final call AND said once then never again
Otis lumbers to his feet, yawns and strolls over, passing me to wait at the door, like I’m the holdup. I roll my eyes and brush a few stray hairs from Kassim’s shirt.
Lol sounds like how our poochies act
Even if we could start something back up, how could I ever trust Yas not to push me away at the first sign of trouble?”
While the feelings are understandable, this still feels unfair. It isn't like she called it quit as soon as stuff got difficult.
“Well, make another chance, and this time don’t fumble the bag.” “Fumble the bag? I didn’t
I mean you aren't without blame. Even you know that. . .
Edward laughs. “You’ve got good friends, honey.”
Let me smack him
“One of them,” Soledad says, her words soft, but laced with a bit of steel I’m not used to from her. “Things change, right?” A long look passes between husband and wife, and they are definitely holding a silent conversation the rest of us aren’t privy to. Hendrix kicks me under the table. I grunt and shoot her a glare.
Mhm something happened. Wonder if she learned something about dear ol' always working hubby. Wonder if he's cheating?
That seems awfully magnanimous from the man who usually does the bare minimum to help out. The thought must also occur to Soledad because her eyes narrow with suspicion.
Oh, he's definitely cheating
He runs a glance over me from the top of my ponytail down to my shoes, lingering on the ample curves in between. “I think we both know he has plenty of reasons to want a woman like you. The question is whether he deserves you, and I say hell no.”
And you get to have an opinion why? She wasn't allowed one about Vashti. But now you realize you want her back and get to have one suddenly. . . Please
“Yeah, but it did happen. I just want to make sure you’re okay with everything and it didn’t make things weird. You know I cherish your friendship. I wouldn’t ever—”
No. No, did not just bring up the night you said wouldn't be mentioned after all that jealous behavior then feed her this bs line...
I giggle, but walk closer. “Isn’t it bad luck to pop bottles before midnight?”
Girl, leave that cellar.You're gonna hurt yourself more.
“Happy New Year, baby,” he whispers, his breath misting my mouth.
Not the baby... Don't play with her or yourself. . . Argh, I need this man to make up his mind.
