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“You’re so weird,” Jude said, pulling her close. “I love you.”
“I’m yours whether you’re here or somewhere across the globe. That was never my question.”
“You’re so damn precious to me, Dira,”
“I love holding you. I don’t ever want to let you go.”
“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
Their eyes locked. And, like a pair of lovestruck fools, they giggled.
Trusting her so thoroughly. So completely.
want to see every feeling in those eyes.”
Numbness was the only way he could stay whole.
“Forcing yourself to do the thing that’s slowly killing you.”
When you get stuck in those dark, terrifying places, that isn’t you.
“Living—fully, unabashedly, fearlessly living—isn’t the easy way out,
“It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever fucking do.
Numbing yourself is the easy part. Hiding in self-loath...
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choose yourself, Jude. Choose us. Choose your health. It’s okay to let go of some...
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you can move away from something that doesn’t serve you. That doesn’t make you weak, that makes you brave.”
the person I love. You’re the person I would do anything for. I’m not here to fix you, Jude. I’m not. And I never was. No one can single-handedly fix another person. We all hurtle through life, getting bumped and cracked and broken along the way, but we are solely responsible for our own healing.”
I do know what it’s like to feel broken and unlovable,”
“I know what it feels like to think you’re unworthy of someone’s care and support, that you don’t deserve to lean on others while you get your shit together.
just because we tell ourselves something, doesn’t make it true. I’m not here to change you or heal you.”
“I’m here to support you. To love you. Every step of the way. Let me help you. Let’s figure a way out of this.”
the world collapsing around him. He couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t stay and keep hurting her.
“Get the air you need. But when you come back, we go forward together.”
Leave Indira to be happy and loved and free of his complications. He wanted her future to be as bright and warm and wonderful as she was.
If those people couldn’t have a happy future, why should he?
Jude had an ocean of guilt that it felt like he’d drown in.
He didn’t have to imagine a better future, because he was actively experiencing the best he could have ever wanted.
He was with a woman he loved, adored, cherished beyond measure. And, by some cosmic magical blessing, she loved him too. Ferociously. His future was here. Now.
Happiness was soft. Uneventful.
Happiness was them.
a sadness still lining her eyes. Then her face morphed into a smile. It wasn’t a smile of radiant, unabashed happiness, but one of soft hope. An invitation for Jude to hope too.
walked over and burrowed himself under the covers with her. This had become their safe space, their perfect nest to talk and cry and laugh and kiss.
tucked beneath those covers as they discussed fears and bridged intimacy.
In their little cocoon, anything felt possible.
“It’s you, Jude. You and me. We’ll get through this.”
“I’m scared I don’t deserve release from these feelings,”
It hurts so badly it seems impossible sometimes. I don’t understand these feelings.
How can I hurt, how can I do awful things, but still feel so much love for you?
“You want that because you deserve that. Trauma and happy endings aren’t mutually exclusive.
You can hurt. You can struggle and suffer and learn to heal while doing it. You can stare into the face of your pain and also choose to love.
That’s how I love you and I know you love me too. I want you to feel, Jude. Feel everything and do it with abandon. Because no matter what you feel, what rises up from all of that, you will always have a safe space in my heart.
“Everyone deserves that,” Indira said simply. “That’s what makes love so beautiful. We don’t have to be perfect.
I know I can fall apart with you,
struggle and slog through my demons and your arms will always hold me. Let m...
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group therapy. Being around people who know what it’s like. Have experienced situations similar to yours. It could be really validating to share in that kind of space. Help you learn to love yourself like you deserve.”
Giving yourself love won’t diminish the love and caring you give to others. In fact, it’s one of the best things you can do for the people in your life.”
“When you love yourself, you commit to knowing yourself,
“And when you know yourself, you also know your needs. Space. Attention. Help. Tenderness. Being able to acknowledge these needs in yourself lets you voice them to others and also understand more fully when others voice their needs to you.
allows you to experience your emotions more fully. Be more present in each one wi...
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