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He’s so delighted about this news. He’s like a little golden retriever absolutely thrilled and pleased by just about everything.
“I didn’t want to have to tell you how I got the name. It was quite gruesome and bloody,” he says as he blows on his knuckles like some old-school gunslinger blowing smoke away from a gun. “Oh wow, are you okay?” “Yeah. I’m about one gram lighter but I’ll be alright,” he says. “I don’t know what that means.” “That’s how much a bill weighs,” Bishop says before laughing, probably because of the look on my face. “Stop! Go back to thinking I’m amazing.”
“We aren’t werewolves and no! I think we should at least make sure I wasn’t actually allergic to you and not the lube.” “Can you imagine?” he asks. “Like ‘Hi! I’m your one true love but also the man who makes you break out in hives!’”
“Are you two being weird?” Edward asks as he joins us. “About as weird as normal. You?” Bishop asks.
“Well, we’re going to momentarily step outside and never return. You staying?” Bishop asks. “Sadly. I’m not cute and can’t just slip out whenever I please like you and your commoner… I mean… date,” Edward says. “Such a shame. Let’s go, peasant,” Bishop says.
That’s when someone clears their throat. “Umm… do you guys like want your car or something? Or do you just want to keep talking about offing each other?” the valet driver asks.
Bishop glances at me and I wink at him. “I’ll just have to off you first.” “You’re not offing me first.” I grin at him. “You sure?” “Positive. Why do you think this is so amusing? It’s not funny!”
“I was going to take you back to my room and show you a fun time with regular lube, and now I’m not sure I should. What if you stab me in the back or something?” Alex, who’d been in the process of grabbing a cup for water in my kitchen, instead goes for the knife. “I would never.” “You’re ridiculous.”
“You’re not like colorblind or something, are you? Maybe the red thread is actually another color, like one of us is going to torture each other but for fun. Like kinky torture pink?” “What if we murder each other at the same time!” he says like he loves this idea. “I don’t even know why I try. Why am I trying?”
“Can you imagine if I’d walked up to you one day after not seeing you for thirteen years and was like, ‘Hey, guess what? We’re destined to be together but also kill each other, wanna get a coffee?’”
“I’d have been like ‘Sure. Sounds hot,’” I say.
“If I show you my bedroom again, are you going to get all dramatic and red like last time and have to go to urgent care?” “I’ll think about it… Hey, you wanna get stabbed in the ass this time or want me to?” I start laughing. “Alex…” “I mean… don’t get me wrong, she was a pretty doctor. I just think I’d rather Doctor King stab me in the ass if anyone’s going to,” he says, giving me a wink. “Unless you want to be stabbed in the ass? I don’t mind being your doctor. Hold on… is Iris gone? I feel a little uncomfortable talking like this if she’s still here.” “She’s gone. You’re free to carry on
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“Do I have to call you Mr. Coleman?” Elijah asks as he gets into the back while I get in the driver’s seat. “You have to call me Sir Coleman,” I say. “Sounds a bit pretentious.” “Just the way I like it.”
“So… like Mr. Coleman… I mean Sir Coleman raised you?” He turns to me. “You had to have been like our age, right, Teach? God, I can’t even keep a plant alive.” “She’s a survivor. I’d just wish her luck and if she was there when I got back, it was a good day,” I say. “That’s what he says, but I don’t feel like I suffered too much trauma,” Cali says. “That’s because you were a baby and don’t remember it,” I say.
When I turn into Bishop’s driveway, Elijah whistles. “Is this a house?” “This is the house of Alex’s extremely rich boyfriend. Isn’t it so fancy? Alex still makes me eat off the dollar menu, though,” Cali says.
“Hey,” Bishop says. “I hope you don’t mind that Cali brought a friend.” “Of course not. As long as she doesn’t eat my book like that one time. Chewed the cover right off,” he says. I’m glad Bishop has jumped on the pester Cali train with me. “I wouldn’t do that,” Cali says, acting embarrassed for no reason when Elijah is clearly a “friend.” “Munched away,” Bishop says.
When I reach the pool room, it’s clear I didn’t have to worry about them off smooching in the corner as Cali wallops Elijah right off a crocodile with the blow-up sword. Clearly, she’s found someone she can bully off the crocodile. “I am the winner!” she announces as Elijah breaks through the surface. “Alex, I’m just getting ready to battle you again. Are you coming?” She seems to think abusing her friends has strengthened her enough to battle me.
“Bishop is all looks and is super sweet, but he can’t turn on an oven,” Cali explains to Elijah. I point a finger at her. “Only I am allowed to make fun of him,” I warn her.
“I got the eggs.” “What the hell happened to you?” he asks as he rushes over to me. I look down at my rumpled and dirty clothes. “You should see the Easter bunny,” I say.
“Not take them out in the middle of the woods with a gun!” “Hmm…” I hold on to him tightly, fingers slowly brushing up and down his back.
Maybe we have different ideas of how to handle situations.
“I guess I wouldn’t mind an explanation on how I frustrate you,” Bishop says. “Alright. So after I declared we should find my father, I was all ‘Oh, it’ll be fine because we’ll never figure out where he lives. And then you’re like ‘I’ll just have my very own private detective find him, give me two minutes. Oh, there he is.’”
“Oh lord. I can’t win, can I?” I think about it for a moment. “You can win more if you’re naked. I heard that was a thing.”
“I guess it depends where I’m naked at. A park? Eh… I think I’d win a first-class ticket to jail.”
“All I know is one place I don’t want my dick whipping around is on those ‘whirly things,’” Bishop says. “That’s weird. I thought it sounded fun to watch,” I admit.
“Right? Alex, right? Please… don’t break my heart like this,” he says. “Ever since, every person I’ve dated I’ve been like ‘Are you getting paid?’ And they’re usually like ‘Wait, I can get paid for this?’”
Only Bishop can make me grin on the way to hell. “Hold on, let me check my contract to see what I’m legally allowed to say,” I say as I pretend to scroll through my phone. “Okay. ‘I have not not been paid to like you. You are the best human I could ever have laid my eyes upon. I am merely dirt beneath your royal feet.’” Then I end it with a smile. “You are purely evil.”
He pops a fry in his mouth before flexing for me. It’s hard to see anything really going on with his shirt on but he still looks sexy. “Ooh.” “Right?” he asks as he flexes this way and that. “Wow.” “Thank you, thank you,” he says. “You better put them away before someone gets hurt.” “For you, I’ll do anything,” he says before leaning in and kissing my cheek, which is good because I’d just shoved a fry in my mouth.
“Is that a gun?” Alex asks in shock until he pushes my coat aside a bit more to get a better look. “God no, it’s a taser.” “Ah… you came packing heat,” he says with a grin. “My dad made me bring it. He said to tase you if you started acting up,” I admit. It was a whole thing. He absolutely insisted I take it while I told him I wanted nothing to do with it. Instead of letting me get away without it, he body blocked the door and told me to “Use protection” while everyone in the office turned to stare. Horrified, I snatched up the taser, debated long and hard about tasing him, and ran.
The first thing I see is Alex’s face as he looks down on me. “Hey, babe,” he says with a sweet smile. “Did I catch him?” I mumble. “You did! Good job.”
I try to give him a thumbs up but I can’t seem to remember where my thumb is. He gives me a fist bump which seems to be the opposite of what I was going for but at least he helps me up.
“Sorry I tased you,” Caleb says, trying to look all cool and shit while I’m trying to get my legs to understand that they do still work. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to get run over by an electric bull. Not pleasant, if anyone is wondering,” I say.
“I got my driver’s permit!” she announces as we walk in. “I drove here!” “How many people did you run over along the way?” Alex asks. “Just one but it was someone really old, so it’s okay,” she teases.
“Hold up. You got tased? Did it hurt? What’d it feel like? Can I tase someone?” Cali peppers us with questions. She and Nikki seem to think this sounds like a fun way to spice up the evening, when, in fact, it definitely isn’t.
As he does, Pascal decides to sit in his spot so when Bishop returns, he just gets to stare at the cat. “You know if I move him, he’ll murder me, right?” Bishop asks. “I do see the little black thread hanging off his little kitty paw,” I tease. Bishop reaches down and Pascal’s tail flicks. “See?”
Bishop gives me a reassuring smile. “I’m fine taking work off. My dad has it handled. I’m pretty sure he’s positive you and I are going to burn the whole city down and is trying to make me take his lawyer around with me. Like the lawyer will just watch over my shoulder and somehow twist it so it looks like I was a perfect innocent angel the entire time.” “Your dad’s scary,” I decide. “Scary but impressive.”
“I hope you can find something… like… I don’t know. Use the power of a dollar or something to solve the case,” I say.
“Cali, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “So… deal drugs, cuss at rich men, raise a baby. Got it!” she says before giving me a sarcastic thumbs up. “You’re grounded when I get home,” I declare.
“Well, Cali and Nikki have finally picked which room they wanted to sleep in. Cali couldn’t decide between the one as big as our living room or the one that was also as big as our living room but blue,” I say.
“Let’s focus on this. Like how hot this water is.” “I might have turned it up too much,” he says. “My balls are gonna start baking.” Bishop slides his hand down and gives my balls a gentle squeeze. “Still feel pretty rare to me.” “What, are you testing their doneness like you can a steak?” “I don’t even know what that means,” he says.
“Glad you do and don’t think I’m just sad and incapable.” “You made us dinner the other day!” “I did!” “I’m so proud of you,” I say. “Now I’m starting to feel like you’re making fun of me again,” he decides. “I would never!”
He leans down and runs his tongue over my cock before making a funny face. “You taste a little… chemically.” “God, that’s hot,” I say, which makes him laugh and me grin. “You know just the words to make me hard.”
He grins at me before situating it. “Nah, I’m a gentleman at heart. Just don’t expect me to keep you fed or any of that stuff. Here, let me help,” he says as he tries to roll me onto it. “I was expecting a bridal carry, but you know, being rolled is also pleasant,” I say as I decide to use my own limbs.
When I find Cali, the first thing she does is stuff her diploma into my hands. “I did it! You always told me I was too dumb, but I did it!”
