Unraveling the Threads of Fate

by Alice Winters

“Yeah, and I’m starting to think you need to give him a call,” Dad says. With a grumble, I hang up both shirts and pull out a royal blue one. “Eh?” “Better. You’ll just look like a blueberry, which is much superior. What about that gray shirt?” he suggests while pointing to it.

“You are the strangest thing I’ve ever made in my life, and I’ve made some weird shit. One time in high school, I tried rolling a joint with a condom wrapper. And you’re still weirder than that joint.” “Is that why you knocked Mom up? You used your condoms for weed instead?” “One hundred percent.”

“Lovely.”

“Just like buy him a car or something,” Dad says. “I tried taking him to a fancy restaurant and he made me leave and take him to a place that cost a total of twenty-four dollars.” Dad raises an eyebrow. “What the hell’s he want you for, then?”

“You look very nice,” Alex says before I can say the same about him. “You do too,” I say. “You sure I don’t look like a blueberry?”

“Blueberries often do look quite sexy in my eyes,” he teases. “Oh yeah? You wanna do dirty, dirty things to those blueberries?” He’s laughing now. “So dirty. But alas, you just look like a human wearing a blue shirt.”

“Same. Last club I was in, I started a fight. Whole club just went fucking nuts. Busting bar stools over each other. The bouncer punched someone so hard his head went through a glass door. What about you?” Alex asks like there’s even the remotest possibility my story could one-up his.

“Want a beer?” I shout.

“A bear?” “Beer.” “Oh, sure. I want a bear too.” “Like fuzzy bear or like… human fuzzy bear?” I ask. “I’ll let you pick,” he jokes.

I try not to strut up like a rooster but do sidle up to him before passing him his beer. “Thanks,” Alex says with a smile. The guy glances at me, then back at Alex before saying “I’ll see you around” and moving on. “I’ll see you around?” I ask, faking an incredulous tone.

“Down, Cujo, it’ll be alright. He was simply asking if I live around here because he’s never seen me around here before. And he’d definitely remember a face like mine,” Alex says as he turns his sly grin onto me. “I’ll beat him up,” I announce. Alex’s grin is widening. “Oh?” “I’ll tackle him right here and now.” “He told me he’s a black belt.” “How long did you talk to this man?” I ask.

“Were you two playing twenty questions while I was gone for two minutes?” I ask. “My house is bigger. Have you seen my house?” “Is that what you do when you want to fight? Strut up and just go ‘My house is bigger,’” Alex teases. “Works every time.”

He starts laughing and holds up both hands. “I swear! He really did just ask where the bathroom was. Maybe he had like an awakening when he talked to me or something.” “You waken something inside me every time I talk to you, so I can’t even blame him. Frustration, anger, arousal, those kinds of things,” I say as we snatch the seat before some younger guys do. We slide in side by side since it’ll be easier to people watch while we sip our beers. “One of those was not like the other.”

She took a big cup of water, and while my eyes were closed, she poured it right into my nose.” “Do you ever wonder if she was just trying to get a better brother or something?

Like thought this one was getting a bit boring?” “Huh.” “I always wanted a brother or sister. So I’m jealous that I never got waterboarded by my imaginary sister,” I say. “I could do it to you sometime if you really want?” “Hmm… no, that’s a special memory for you, I don’t want to take that away from you. Hey… you wanna dance?” Alex raises an eyebrow at me. “Like… with my feet?” “I doubt the floor is clean enough to use your hands.”

He shrugs before finishing off his beer. “Let’s go. I’m gonna show you how fast I can turn you off.”

He tips his head back to look at me. “I feel like I’m just floundering around, swaying my body in a disturbing fashion.” “You are absolutely delightful,” I tell him, which makes him grin.

This new information delights me. “Oh my god. My dad thought we had a raccoon problem and hired some guy to like… snipe the raccoons or something.”

Cali laughs as she smashes my face down against the bed, oblivious to the torment going on in my mind, but when I grab her and pull her into my arms to squeeze her tight, she smiles at me, big brown eyes watching me closely as her hair sticks up from rolling around. “Fuck. Thank god I have you or I think I’d go crazy,” I admit. She pokes me in the nose, like she thinks that’s the best answer to this. “Fuk,” she says, pleased with herself. Great. I’m not meant to be a parent but I’m the best she’s got.

“Of course it does. Your expression of suspicion, then confusion, then terror while you’re dancing is just exquisite.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “There was never a moment of terror.” “There were a lot of moments of terror,” he teases as he takes me back to find a table.

“I’m so pleased I won the wrestling match so I could take you home tonight as the rightful champion,” Bishop says. “Wrestle? I missed you wrestling?” I ask. “I was so brave.” “Oh, I bet.” “I even took my shirt off.”

I give him a look of mock surprise. “Wow… and I missed all of this? Up against that buff guy, right? The guy with the muscles that were like protruding through his shirt? You think that shirt was shrink-wrapped on him?” “Yes, you missed it because I took him down so quickly,” he says. “Can you reenact it for me since I feel like I missed out?”

Bishop looks around then sidles up to me before pulling his wallet out. “I was all ‘If you never look at my Alex again, I’ll give you a hundred dollars,’” he says as he slides a hundred out of his wallet. “And he just fucked right off!”

My grin is no longer able to be kept at bay. “I didn’t know that’s how the rich wrestled.” “Oh… you mean there’s a different way?” “No wonder why you nearly got stabbed when you went to tackle the guy going after Nikki. You hadn’t pulled out your wallet first.” Bishop starts laughing as he leads me into the house. “I promise I’d have tried to fight him for your attention. Does that make it better?”

Bishop steps back. “You actually… look worse. I mean… You look phenomenal, like nor—” “Did you get the soap and lube from the same place?” I ask as I grab the bottle only to find it looks similar. “I did. They were really expensive… And I’m now wondering if the ingredients you’re allergic to… are in both. I’m so sorry…” “Was it money?” I ask with a gasp. “Oh. My. God. STOP. I’m not abusing you with money!” I’m trying not to laugh as I wave to my body. “I’m turning into a freaking strawberry!” He looks extremely apologetic. “You’re really cute still?” My eyes couldn’t possibly get wider. “Different soap maybe?” “Or maybe we need to get you to urgent care,” he says. “I’m not going to urgent care and telling them my dick is on fire because you bought soap made of money and unicorn hair.” “Oh my god, they see weird stuff all the time. People are always like stuffing shit up

their ass or in their nose or something, it’s fine.”

He squirts some other stuff on me but now I just feel like a burning, itching ball of misery. “You scrub, I’ll go get you some clothes.” “I’m not going!” “You’re going!” “I refuse!” “Allergies are super serious, Alex. The Benadryl is clearly not cutting it.” “I’ve handled worse. No fucking allergy is going to take me down,” I declare.

housekeeper that I thought he fired. Iris narrows her eyes until she gets a good look at me, then turns quite confused. “What did you do to him?” “He’s having an allergic reaction.” “To all of Bishop’s money,” I interject. “All you need for that is some mayonnaise,” she says. “I think that’s for lice,” Bishop says. “I don’t care, I’ll take it,” I say, more than happy to do anything to not have to go to urgent care.

“Bishop, I really think I’m fine,” I say as I squeeze the tube of hydrocortisone cream into my hand and start to slather it. “Like I can’t even look at you and remotely think you’re anywhere close to being fine.” “I’ve dreamed about this night for years,” I admit. “I thought we’d do a fun little handie, and then we’d cuddle a little and we’d fight over who wanted to be the big

spoon and the little spoon. And instead… I’ve turned into a fucking strawberry.”

“My skin might be dying, but there’s this weird part of me that is still like ‘I’m with Bishop which makes me happy!’” “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” Bishop says. “Oh good, I thought you were going to think I was a masochist and a nudist.”

Can you imagine if we’d had sex? I’m buying the lube from now on. Normal poor people lube.” “Deal.” “None of this fancy burning-balls stuff.” “I agree.”

“Are they going to dote on you instead of me again?” “There’s no way they’d pick me over the way your skin glistens such a unique color even under that film of cream.” I grin at him. “You do know how to make me blush.” “I honestly can’t tell, you’re so red all over.” “That’s just how much I’m blushing,” I say as I’m taken inside the walk-in urgent care center.

I glance up at Bishop. “I want you to look me in the eyes while this happens.” He grins at me. “Okay, I will. Need me to hold your hand too? Help you with your breathing technique?” “I think that’s for having a baby, but I’ll take it. I don’t like needles. Wait… are you going to pass out again?”

Bishop is silent for a moment before turning to me. “Stay at my place tonight?” I nod. “I’d like that. Unless… what do you wash your sheets in because I still feel like I need to strip and just soak in mayo. I think your housekeeper was right.”

When we reach his home, I’m feeling a smidge better but still coat myself in the cream we’d picked up from the pharmacy.

“I don’t think you are supposed to wear it,” Bishop says as he reads the label. “Apply a thin layer. You literally have a second skin.”

“You were in them? I don’t even remember that. Was there anything super kinky involved?” he asks. “So kinky. You were in all black, dominatrix style.” “Oh, I was a woman?” “Male… dominatrix.” “You’re clearly up on the BDSM scene.” “You had like a horse smacky thing.” “A crop?” “And you were like ‘Ride that pony!’ But I was the pony, and it was very confusing but equally arousing,” I decide.

“I’m just glad you didn’t leave in the middle of the night after all of that.” “This is my house.” “Yeah, but you’re rich enough to go buy a new house to avoid me,” Alex says.

“I would hands down do the opposite for you. I’d literally buy a house for you just to snag your attention. Want a new house? A car? Am I coming off a little strong? I feel like this is a little strong,” I say. Alex shakes his head at me, clearly amused. “What about a coffee sometime?” “Made with gold and diamonds? Coming right up.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready?” Cali asks as she walks into my bedroom where I’m lying on my bed petting Pascal. He’s purring up a storm while also shedding all over my pillow. The flick of his tail tells me he’s quite pleased to do this. “I don’t wanna go,” I declare. “Oh my god, you sound like a child,” she says with a grin. “Shh, don’t judge me, mere child.” “Like isn’t it just some super ultra-fancy get-together for rich people where they can sniff out the mundane?” she asks.

Cali suddenly looks excited. “Maybe it’ll be like one of those places where the rich hunt the poor for sport!” “I think I’ve been letting you watch too much TV.” “No, no, no. I totally think this is what’s going to happen.” “What they don’t know is that I would win.” “Would you?” “I’m lightning fast,” I say as I hook her leg with my foot and her arm with my hand so I can yank her onto the bed with me.

“Why are you so evil?” “It’s fun,” I say before squeezing her tighter. “Promise me or I’ll just keep hugging you until I’ve crushed you.” “You wouldn’t,” she says. “Because you need to get ready for your D-A-T-E. Hold on… you’re not forty yet. How come you can date?” “Because I’m special. And you are not.” “Alex!” I give her a loud kiss right on the forehead before grabbing my blanket and wrapping her up like a burrito. “This is where you shall stay while I’m gone.” “No!”

I grab a cord and wrap it around her before tying it. “Stay, Calrrito. I’ll put water within reaching distance.” Pascal, unsure why we’ve interrupted his nap, climbs on top of Cali. “That’s my good boy. You make sure she stays right there,” I say as I scratch behind his ears. “Smack her face if she tries to move.” “No! This is child abuse!” Cali says as she struggles. “Pure child abuse.”

“Oh, now you want fashion advice while torturing me?”

The valet is waiting to take the car and I’m considering finding out if he’ll park the car with me still in it.

“You don’t mind holding my hand? Aren’t you afraid they’re going to smell my low funds?” I ask. Bishop leans into me. “You smell phenomenal.”

“Hey, Bishop, and…” Bishop’s dad says as he turns to look at us. “Alan.” “You know his name,” Bishop says reprovingly. “Alabaster,” he says with a snap of his fingers. “Yes,” I say with a smile. “Elvin, right?” “It is!” he says, even though I know his name is Edward. “So… hmm… let’s see… It is…”

“Pleasurable for him to make it, right?” Bishop asks. “Not the word I was looking for, but yes,” Edward says. “The moment Bishop told me I’d get to spend the evening with you, I asked him how I could sign right up,” I say. Edward laughs. “Of course. Want a drink?” “Are you putting something in it?” “Just spit.” “Sure, thank you,” I say.

Before I can say anything, Edward returns with the drinks. “I forget which one I spit in,” he says before shrugging and passing them over. “I’m sure Bishop deserves it as well.” I’m really hoping he’s joking, but honestly, who knows.