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You never hear about the reasonable people. It’s always the caricatures that get the screen time.
back to your Sect.” I decided aloud.
Sect,"
For what reason could Master Jin want them for?
Omit one of the two instances of "for".
I dunno If I could do profound.
if
He may need to make a request
might
thank you, Ren Ji,” He told the guard,
he
go, Fang Hei. and close
Hei,
I know the “traditional” garb of jolly Saint Nick was invented by a certain corporation. But
Actually this is a myth.
just as happy before the Master’s revelation.
as happy as
however large that it may be.
Omit "that"
Wa Shi, dangling from her mouth.
Omit comma
No, I am a lady, and ladies didn’t drool!
Narrative tense inconsistent
he continued, the decision was swift and brutal.
Comma splice
The Spirit Beast was perched primly on his shoulder, and a cat who laid upon
a cat lay upon
Just what was the great formation fading into the distance.
?
“I’m proud of you.” he rasped,
you,"
Such a thing may be a Spirit Beast.
might
as his weapon splinted
splintered
they had not improved her cultivation nearly as much a simple meal and a revelation from a master.
as much as
These were the standard repairs,
There
I’m going to be honest. I don’t really know how to deal with his problems. It was something I certainly had no experience in. All I could do was be there if he wanted to talk, I guess.
Narrative tense all over the place
Yeah, I know little buddy.
know, [comma before term of address]
until the preening cock had put a stop to her fun.
But it wasn't the cock, it was the sow.
it was mostly borne out of frustration
born
compensating for something.” Gou Ren snickered,
something,"
with a world of thanks.
word
They noticed Jin watching their progress too. The young man was watching their progress
Repetition
the amount of the Xong brother’s Qi,
brothers'
start to fall out; And she didn’t
; and
the snow truly began their melt.
snows... their or snow... its
the cultivator rose a bite of pancake and syrup to her mouth.
raised
we both got a cup, connected by a red string.
we each got
Xian looked like he was to bow,
was about to
his anger waned; The stark beauty
; the
