How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion

by Derek Sivers

When a person loses their memory, they lose their sanity. When a culture loses its traditions, it loses its sanity too.

Spend time outside. Find happiness and perspective in nature. It reminds you that you don’t need anything the modern world is pushing. Everything they’re shouting about will soon be gone.

Master the fundamentals, not new tricks. Learn the timeless aspects of your craft. This knowledge will never lose its value. In any given field, learn the oldest thing still around, since it’s the one most likely to last.

Whatever scares you, go do it. Then it won’t scare you anymore. Whatever you hate, get to know it. Then you won’t hate it anymore.

Remember what you learn. Know why you’re learning. Information doesn’t stick without emotion. You learn better when you’re having fun.

Knowledge is often described simply — “in a nutshell”. But the inside of a nutshell is complex. So crack open nutshells to understand them better. Put concepts in a nutshell to keep them in your pocket and pass them around.

To communicate clearly, you have to think clearly. Writing is refined thinking. Public speaking tests your writing on a real audience. Great public speaking comes from great private thinking.

Learning makes you a better person and makes the world a better place. Learning is a pursuit you can’t lose. As you age, you’ll lose muscle and beauty, but you won’t lose your wisdom. Learning is how to live.

Morals seem like they’ve changed in recent history. But really, morals haven’t changed in longer history. If you update the language and some references, books written thousands of years ago sound like they could have been written today. The human condition remains the same. Your book has all the wisdom you need.

You don’t lack direction. You have too many directions. An open mind, like an open mouth, needs to eventually close on something.

Discipline gets you to your destination. Without it, you’re led astray by everyone else. If you don’t obey your constraints, persuasive people and technology will pull you their way.

Rules may keep you from some stupendous heights, but they will always keep you from falling too low.

Humor is the spirit of life — a sign of a healthy, vibrant mind and soul.

Besides, it makes you very appealing. Everyone wants to be with someone who’s having more fun.

Vividly imagine the worst scenarios until they feel real. Accepting them is the ultimate happiness and security. Realize that the worst is not that bad.

You don’t have to be a caveman to look around you and appreciate your comforts by imagining life without them. Then imagine the relief of finding shelter, the joy of controlled fire on command, and the satisfaction of hot water.

Luxury is the enemy of happiness because you adapt to its comforts. Luxury makes you soft, weak, and harder to satisfy. (Pity people who can’t enjoy anything less than the best.) Never accept luxury, or you’ll find it hard to do without because it will feel like loss.

Comfort reduces your future happiness. You get upset that your meal doesn’t come as ordered, or angry at your phone for having an imperfect connection. You lose appreciation. You forget the perspective of how bad things could be.

Practice being uncomfortable, even in small ways. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Skip eating for a day, or sugar for a month. Go light-weight camping for a week. B...

Your biggest enemy is insatiability. Recognize your desire to be entertained by life, and break the habit. Practic...

Distinguish between what’s in your control and what isn’t. If it’s not in your control, put it out of your head. Trying to control outcomes makes you disappointed and resentful. Focus only on your thoughts and actions.

When something happens, don’t interpret. No story, no “should have”, no judgment, not even an opinion. This is seeing clearly.

This is how most people are about their emotions. They say, “I can’t help the way I feel.” Wrong! Emotions can be tamed. You are in control. The problem comes from going easy on yourself. Instead, train your emotions like you would a dog.

Shallow happy is having a donut. Deep happy is having a fit body. Shallow happy is what you want now. Deep happy is what you want most. Shallow happy serves the present. Deep happy serves the future. Shallow happy is trying to conquer the world. Deep happy is conquering yourself. Shallow happy is pursuing pleasure. Deep happy is pursuing fulfillment.

All of this appreciation is practice for death. When death comes, you’ll treat it with the same indifference as everything else. You’ve been preparing for it all along.

Helping others is a better path to happiness than helping only yourself. Giving makes you happier than receiving. People with strong social ties live longer, healthier, happier lives.

Ask open-ended questions, asking people’s thoughts. Ask them to elaborate on whatever they’ve said. Show that you’re interested. Allow silence. Don’t fill it. Silence gives space to think, and an invitation to contribute without pressure.

Small talk is just a way of matching the other person’s tone and mood. It helps them be comfortable with you.

Assume everyone is just as smart and deep as you. Assume their temperament is just their nature, and not their fault. Don’t be mad at them for being that way, for the same reason you can’t be mad at someone for being tall.

Whenever you’re thinking something nice about someone, tell them. A sincere compliment can put a lot of fuel in someone’s tank. People don’t hear enough compliments.

Friends or family can give wonderful comfort. You share your problem, and they share the burden. They care for you deeply, but aren’t as distraught, so you see yourself through their eyes, and realize it’s not as bad as it feels.

But really, money is as neutral as math. Because it’s neutral, people have projected all kinds of meaning onto it. Your biggest obstacle to getting rich is the harmful meaning you’ve attached to it. Your biggest advantage can be projecting a helpful meaning onto it. Make it mean you’re on the right path. Make it a game. Make it mean you’re free.

Money is nothing more than a neutral exchange of value. Making money is proof you’re adding value to people’s lives. Aiming to get rich is aiming to be useful to the world. It’s striving to do more for others. Serving more. Sharing more. Contributing more. The world rewards you for creating value. Pursue wealth because it’s moral, good, and unlimited.

Be fully committed to getting rich, or it won’t happen. Adjust your self-image so that you congruently feel that you should and will be rich. If you subconsciously don’t feel you deserve it, you’ll sabotage your pursuit. But if you truly feel you deserve it, you’ll do whatever it takes. So adjust your self-image first.