How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion

by Derek Sivers

The English word “decide” comes from Latin “to cut off”.

Focus your attention on the few things you’re committed to, and nothing else.

The more social ties we have, the happier we are. The bond of friendship is one of the deepest joys in life. Notice those words: ties, bond. These are words of commitment. We say we want freedom, in theory. But we actually prefer this warm embrace.

Once you decide what’s important to you, you know how your ideal self will act and what your ideal day will be. So why not act that way and live that day every day?

Expressing your anger doesn’t relieve it. It makes you angrier.

Actions often have the opposite of the intended result. People who try too hard to be liked are annoying. People who try too hard to be attractive are repulsive. People who try too hard to be enlightened are self-centered. People who try too hard to be happy are miserable.

Desire is the opposite of peace.

Most actions are a pursuit of emotions. You think you want to take action or own a thing. But what you really want is the emotion you think it’ll bring. Skip the actions. Go straight for the emotion. Practice feeling emotions intentionally, instead of using actions to create them.

Thats why mastery of emotions is required.

When a problem is bothering you, it feels like you need to do something about it. Instead, identify what belief is really the source of your trouble. Replace that belief with one that doesn’t bother you.

The unintelligent jump to conclusions. The wise just observe.

Live where nothing is happening. Move to a quiet place with lots of nature and no ambition. Doing nothing is normal there. Walk and appreciate nature for hours a day. Your life and mind will be tranquil and serene.

Thats what I dream of doing in Dharamshala.

If an action feels necessary, and you can’t let it go, just write it down for later. Everything seems more important while you’re thinking of it. Later, you’ll realize it’s not.

Imagine your future self judging your current life choices. When making a decision, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it when you’re old. What would your future self and family thank you for?

Delay gratification. Today’s discomfort brings future rewards. When you have a clear view of the future, you won’t mind the small sacrifice.

Our hunter-gatherer ancestors had to live moment-to-moment, so our tendency to focus on today is built into our biology. But times have changed. Now the surviving fittest are the ones who plan ahead.

How you feel about anything is based on how you look back at it. Your memory is influenced by how you feel now. In a bad mood, you might see only the dark side of events that are actually neutral. In a good mood, you might see the bright side of trauma.

When you make a big mistake and want to learn its lesson, deliberately amplify the pain, the deep regret, and the consequences. Keep the bad feelings vivid and visceral. Make the lesson memorable, so you won’t do it again.

The most rewarding things in life take years. Only bad things happen quickly.

The passion comes after you start getting good.

Beginning is fun. But real expertise comes only after years of hard work. The challenge is staying on the path. You need ritual, not inspiration. Every day, no matter what, you must practice. Your practice ritual is your highest priority — an unbreakable commitment. Stubbornly protect this time against the demands of the world.

Fame tries to pull you out of the deep path of mastery into the shallow gutter of flattery. The best response to fame’s endless requests is a simple mantra: “No. No. No. No. No.”

Stoics and Buddhists work hard to feel indifferent to outcomes. But you’ll feel detachment as a natural side effect of every day being random. Since nothing has consequences, you’ll greet everything with healthy indifference.

Remember: you want the pain. The sooner you pay a price, the less it costs.

To be passionate about something is to be willing to suffer for it — to endure the pain it’ll bring.

Once you tame pain for yourself, tame it for others.

Do whatever you like. You don’t need explanations.

When people ask the meaning of life, they’re looking for a story. But there is no story. Life is a billion little moments. They’re not a part of anything.

You don’t need plans. Plans are just predictions about what you might want in the future. But your future self shouldn’t be bound to what your past self predicted. So never make plans.

Heaven is not what’s at the end of the path. Heaven is the path itself.

If you’re not embarrassed by what you thought last year, you need to learn more and faster. When you’re really learning, you’ll feel stupid and vulnerable

Don’t be consistent with your past self. Only idiots never change their mind.

Learning leaves a trail of little deaths.

Information doesn’t stick without emotion. You learn better whe...