How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion

by Derek Sivers

All misery comes from dependency. If you weren’t dependent on income, people, or technology, you would be truly free. The only way to be deeply happy is to break all dependencies.

Rules and norms were created by the upper class to protect their privilege — to categorize people into high versus low society. None of it applies to you. Long ago, people had to follow norms to have high social status, otherwise they’d be ostracized and couldn’t survive. But now you can survive, mate, and thrive without social status. So it’s both irrational and unwise to follow those norms.

The only opinion that matters is your own. When you know what you’re doing, you won’t care what anyone else is doing.

Don’t believe anything anyone says. Listen if you want, but always decide for yourself. Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. Wait a few days to decide what you really think. Don’t let ideas into your head or heart without your permission.

Being independent means you can’t blame others. Decide everything is your fault. Whoever you blame has power o...

You don’t see things as they are. You see them as you are. Change yourself and you change the world.

Learn the skills you need to be self-reliant. Learn to drive, fly, sail, garden, fish, and camp. Learn emergency medical and disaster preparedness. Assume nobody will help you.

Earn multiple passports. If a country enters into war or makes your life hard, just leave. To be nomadic is to be a pacifist.

Make friends wherever you go, so that no one place has all of your friends.

Own your own business with many small customers to avoid depending on any big client. Offer products, not a personal service, so your business can run without y...

Then you can appreciate everything from a healthy distance. You can appreciate your country from abroad, once it’s not your only option. You can appreciate family, once they’re not forced upon you.

What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it. Your dedication and actions make any choice great. This is a life-changing epiphany. You can stop seeking the best option. Pick one and irreversibly commit. Then it becomes the best choice for you. Voilà.

When a decision is irreversible, you feel better about it. When you’re stuck with something, you find what’s good about it. When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it. So remove the option to change your mind.

When you keep all options open, you’re conflicted and miserable. Your thoughts are divided. Your power is diluted. Your time is thinly spread. Indecision keeps you shallow. Get the deeper pleasure of diving into one choice.

The English word “decide” comes from Latin “to cut off”. Choose one and cut off other options.

Ignore other aspects of your life. Let go of every unnecessary obligation. Each one seems small, but together, they’ll drain your soul. Focus your attention on the few things you’re committed to, and nothing else.

Find a community of like-minded people. Don’t waste your energy fighting norms. Trust helps your happiness more than income or health. Invite your neighbors over for a meal. Make friends. Make the effort. Borrow and lend. Trust and show you can be trusted. Let them know they can lean on you because you’re here to stay. They’ll reciprocate.

When you stay in one place, daily life is better. There’s little incentive for businesses to give good service to someone who’s only passing through. But by committing to a community, people treat you better. The rules are different. They know they’ll see you every week so it’s in their best interest to treat you well. You’re more of a friend than a stranger.

You and your best friends don’t decide anew each day whether you’re friends or not. You are friends, without question. You’re committed to each other, even if you’ve never said so. That’s what’s wonderful about it.

Once you decide what’s important to you, you know how your ideal self will act and what your ideal day will be. So why not act that way and live that day every day? Commit to your habits to make them rituals. If it’s not important, never do it. If it’s important, do it every day.

Commit to one career path. Build your expertise and reputation over time. Because you cut off other options, you won’t be derailed by distraction. Since you’re committed, you can’t fail. Even if it takes you years longer than expected, it’s not failure until you give up.

This even goes for technical choices, whether hardware or software. Pick one. Commit to it. Learn it deeply. This is much more rewarding than always switching and searching for the best.

Marry. Marry someone full of kindness who is committed to putting you in the center of their life. Marry someone you don’t want to change, who doesn’t want to change you. Someone that doesn’t punish you for mistakes. Someon...

Falling in love is easy. Staying in l...

Marriage is for getting through the times when you’re not in love. Expect things to get bad. Your mutual commitment gives you the security to weather the storms, knowing they won’t destroy the relati...

Commitment gives you peace of mind. When you commit to one thing, and let go of the rest, you feel free. Once you decide something, never change your min...

Simple decisions help avoid repetition.

Remember: no repetition. But after decades of this, you’ll need something radically new. Stay in one place. Be with one person. Buy a home. Raise a baby. It’s terrifying, but if you don’t, it will be the one experience you never had.

People mistakenly say yes to work, people, and places they don’t like, then need to escape to get away from their mistakes. People make bad decisions because they felt they had to decide. It would have been wiser to do nothing.

Don’t hope. Hope is wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting to change yourself is self-loathing. There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing. Desire is the opposite of peace.

Most of what people say and do is unnecessary. Most talk is just noise. The English word “noise” comes from “nausea”. Say nothing unless it must be said. People will appreciate your silence, and know that when you speak, it must be important. Shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.

Skip the actions. Go straight for the emotion. Practice feeling emotions intentionally, instead of using actions to create them. You don’t need marriage to feel security. Marriage doesn’t make you secure. You don’t need recognition to feel pride. Recognition doesn’t give you pride. You don’t need a beach to feel tranquility. Places don’t make emotions. You do.

Your whole experience of life is in your mind. Focus on your internal world, not external world.

When a problem is bothering you, it feels like you need to do something about it. Instead, identify what belief is really the source of your trouble. Replace that belief with one that doesn’t bother you. Then the pr...

You make decisions to feel forward motion. But it’s a treadmill that takes you nowhere. When someone asks you to decide, just refuse. The longer you go without deciding, the more information is revealed. Eventually, th...

To be wise, shut out all media and opinions. No news, no gossip, no entertainment. Most of it is not worth knowing.

Live where nothing is happening. Move to a quiet place with lots of nature and no ambition. Doing nothing is normal there. Walk and appreciate nature for hours a day. Your life and mind will be tranquil and serene. Peace is the absence of turmoil.

The stock market takes money from the active traders and gives it to the patient.

If an action feels necessary, and you can’t let it go, just write it down for later. Everything seems more important while you’re thinking of it. Later, you’ll realize it’s not.

Live like this. Serve the future. Do small things now with huge benefits for your older self, your descendants, and future generations.

Imagine your future self judging your current life choices. When making a decision, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it when you’re old. What would your future self and family thank you for? Simple actions now will compound to give them a better life.

Delay gratification. Today’s discomfort brings future rewards. When you have a clear view of the future, you won’t mind the small sacrifice. You never regret not indulging.

Only spend money on things that do long-term good, like education. In other words, never spend, only invest. The earlier you start, the...

People with incredible skill just practiced every day.

We overestimate what we can do in one year. We underestimate what we can do in ten years. If you take up a new hobby at the age of forty, or whatever age you think is too late, you’ll be an expert by the age of sixty.

Be extra-careful of habits that seem harmless. Imagine each choice continuing forever. Eat a cookie, and eventually you’re obese. Shop for fun, and eventually you’re deep in debt. When you choose a behavior, you choose its future consequences.

You owe your quality of life to people in past generations. We say someone is lucky if they are born into a rich family, in a stable country, full of opportunity. But that luck was created by the grandparents that moved to that promising place, then worked hard and saved money for the next generation instead of spending it themselves. Make your grandchildren lucky like this. Move to a place with good values that’s headed in the right direction.

Climate change might make everything between 40° and -40° latitude quite unlivable, so start getting legal resident status in a country outside of that, like Canada, New Zealand, or the Nordics. These might be the last livable places on Earth. Make sure your grandchildren will have citizenship. Be a great ancestor.

You have kindreds scattered around the world. People who are weird like you are spread out everywhere. One of the best feelings in life is to meet someone who grew up in an opposite culture but has your same humor, thoughts, or taste.

Those who shout, “my country is the best!” are those who have never left.