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I want to love Lo without people telling me that our love is too much.
“You think more perverted things than any fucking guy I know.”
Our I love yous encompass years of heartache, of hurt, of laughter and pain. And every time we say the words, I feel the rush of our childhood. I couldn’t imagine ever losing that.
I think we’re all old enough to feel the scars of our upbringing. Now we just have to find a way to heal.
“You’re right,” he says softly. “You don’t need a man, Rose.” He pauses and I barely hear him whisper, “But you do need me.”
No guy touched me. I didn’t touch them. Sex was the last thing on my mind tonight. Each day feels like an obstacle. And a victory.
I am not a Disney Princess. I do not swoon over kissing unless it involves tongue and force and leads to other lustful events.
“In fact, you should stay away from any guy who doesn’t make you come at least twice before he fucks you. Keep that in mind.”
I glare now, propping my elbow on the floor for support. “I’m a sex addict,” I tell him. Saying it feels good. “Maybe you shouldn’t be sleeping in here.” He rolls his eyes dramatically and plops back against the chaise. “I can handle you. I have a greater chance of getting raped outside this room.” “You honestly believe they’ll rape you?” He’s being ridiculous. “She basically already molested me, and guys can get raped too, Lily,” he says. “I thought you had to pee.”
“Giving something up isn’t the same thing as losing control. It’s the opposite, Lily. You’re taking back control.”
“I’m remarrying you, Lil. Fuck, I’d remarry you a hundred times until it stuck.” I pinch my eyes again. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” “Even if I make you miserable?” There’s a long pause before he murmurs, “You don’t make me miserable. You make me want to live. And I want to live with you.”
I hesitate. “Daisy, you don’t…” have a crush on him. She meets my eyes and reads them well. “Like you said before, Lily, he’s seven years older…well, about to be six.” She tries to give me a reassuring smile before she breaks from my side and catches up to Cleo, but I’m not satisfied. Because she glances back at Ryke as he peels off his wet shirt and wrings it out. Her eyes flit over his body, and I see a not-so good future. I’m not sure how Lo would react to a Daisy and Ryke scenario. All I know is that he wouldn’t be happy.
“No, Lil,” he tells me with a short laugh. “You’re the opposite. You’re my stability…my home.”
“I love you,” he says again, “and no other man will ever say those words and mean them the way I do.”
