June First

by Jennifer Hartmann

“Now… cover your ears,” I tell him gently.

“I don’t want to chase my dream because it’s not a dream without you in it.”

“Look for me over the rainbow, Brant. This Junebug will be flying high.”

A tragedy occurred, that much I know. I just don’t know if the tragedy was in her leaving me, or loving me.

I’m sorry for betraying the two people who gave me a second chance at life.

“You’ve always put love first, Brant—regardless of the consequences.

“Just like my own instincts told me that my daughter was never going to be your sister.”

Theodore thinks she loves Brant more than him, but I told him he was wrong. She doesn’t love him more, she just loves him differently. I’m glad he didn’t ask me what that meant because I don’t know.

“Brant means ‘sword.’ Brave, gallant, a stalwart defender.”

“Celeste made me a birthday cake. And when I blew out my candles, I made a wish. It was the same wish I made on my ninth birthday, and every birthday since.”

mornings are hard waking up alone—especially once you’ve experienced how it feels to wake up beside the one you love.

I will never truly feel fulfilled. I’ll always be missing a giant piece. I’ll always be missing him.

“I told you I’d wait forever.”

“You’re not plain, Junebug,” he tells me, looking away and taking a small sip. “There’s nothing plain about a masterpiece.”

“It’s been years. You have a whole new life.” “You’re my whole life.”

Fate, disguised in sinful wrapping paper.

“I’m your man, June. And the only thing I’ve ever needed is you.”

I loved the boy, and I’m in love with the man.

“True happiness is worth every sad, unremarkable minute,”

I know what it’s like to fight for something that feels impossible, even when you know it could be so fucking perfect.

“Twenty-two years ago, I tossed a toy elephant into your crib, trying to give you comfort in the only way I could. And I knew, in that moment, as you gazed at me through the crib slats with your big blue eyes—I knew you were destined to become my comfort.” Emotion syphons through me, stealing my words for a moment. I swallow. “That’s exactly what you became. You were the laughter on the other side of my tears, the solace to quell my nightmares, and the rainbow after every storm. You saved my life, June Bailey.”

“It’s rimmed with tiny sapphires. Blue like the eyes I fell in love with. Blue like the sky that gives us rainbows, and the bluebirds that fly over them.”

On top of being my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, my comfort and my courage… will you be my wife?”

They accept that they can’t change what we are, and they would rather love us than leave us.

Brant says “I do” with tears in his earth-spun eyes, I can’t help myself. I mouth to him, “You mean it?” Grinning, he mouths back, “Of course, I mean it.”

It’s finding a happily ever after within the one person you least expect, yet the only person meant for you.

But the moment you blow out your candles, you better be well on your way to blowing—” Her hand slaps over my mouth as she laughs out, “Brant!”

June eventually told me that Theo was her mysterious date for all those years, so we decided to keep up the tradition.

Our princess is safe. After I said the words, I swore I felt the wind pick up, just a little. Almost as if he heard me. Almost as if he was saying, “I know you are, Luigi.”

I’m so unbelievably happy. That’s all.

Thirty years ago, I was a terrified six-year-old boy who had just lost his whole world. I was curled up on my bedroom floor, hiding under the bed with a toy elephant as my only comfort. Now, I’m sitting on the bedroom floor of my forever home while my own six-year-old boy, my precocious daughter, and my Junebug, have a tickle fight down the hallway, their giggles and squeals the only comfort I’ll ever need again.

Age doesn’t change anything.” With her chin propped against my arm, she glances up at me with big, glittering eyes. “You’ll still be Brant, and I’ll still be June.”

I’m going to put my family first, like my own father never did. Always. Forever. Until my very last breath. They. Come. First.

And as June squeezes my hand beneath the pile of children and sends me a loved-laced smile, her eyes twinkling blue and brilliant, I realize that I no longer fear my lasts. Because I know, Every last will be with them.