Excuse Me While I Disappear: Tales of Midlife Mayhem

by Laurie Notaro

days. Let’s get this straight: My experience with menses was never walking hand in hand through a daisy field. It was more like a joust. Every month, she tried to kill me with pain, leg cramps, and the very real possibility of humiliation. I might wake up in a pool of blood, like there was a horse head looking at me. I tried to kill her with copious amounts of Advil, Midol, heating pads, and special period-time bike shorts that fit like a black condom and prevented