New Moon (Twilight, #2)

by Stephenie Meyer

Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy.

This is why I’d picked Jessica over Angela—though I’d always liked Angela more—for the girls’ night movie. Angela was too perceptive.

That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them. Just like me.

“Bella, if I told you that I couldn’t fix these bikes, what would you say?” I didn’t answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression. “I would say… that’s too bad, but I’ll bet we could figure out something else to do. If we got really desperate, we could even do homework.”

“Here’s to responsibility,” he toasted. “Twice a week.” “And recklessness every day in between,” I emphasized. He grinned and touched his can to mine.

This didn’t feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacob was very warm.

I was terrified. I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Jacob.” I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head. “Why are you apologizing for bleeding?”

His skin was such a pretty color, it made me jealous.

“What?” he asked, suddenly self-conscious. “Nothing. I just hadn’t realized before. Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?”

After all, it wasn’t like I hadn’t been able to land myself in the ER before with no more help than my own feet.

I feel that.

As always, Jacob was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.

I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up, but he didn’t complain.

“Bears don’t want to eat people. We don’t taste that good.” He grinned at me in the dark cab. “Of course, you might be an exception. I bet you’d taste good.”

“Doesn’t the radio work in this thing?” Mike asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Jacob mid-sentence. “Yes,” Jacob answered. “But Bella doesn’t like music.” I stared at Jacob, surprised. I’d never told him that.

How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our relationship when I enjoyed being with him so much?

“Oh, he’s in there, all right,” he said, rolling his eyes. “What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit.” “I’ll keep my eyes open for someone like that.”

There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he told me. I nodded, grateful. “But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay?” Jacob patted the back of my hand. “Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time.” I sighed. “You shouldn’t waste it on me,” I said, though I wanted him to. Especially if he was willing to accept me the way I was—damaged goods, as is. “It’s what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me.”

“The problem,” I said, “is that it means something different to me than it does to you.” “Well.” He tightened his hand around mine. “That’s my problem, isn’t it?”

It was so wrong to encourage Jacob. Pure selfishness. It didn’t matter that I’d tried to make my position clear. If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other than friendship, then I hadn’t been clear enough. How could I explain so that he would understand? I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house—condemned—for months I’d been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was a little improved. The front room was in better repair. But that was all—just the one small piece. He deserved better than that—better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.

“It’s just that, I know how you’re unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m always here. I won’t ever let you down—I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?”

How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now.

One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you.

He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.

It seemed that Harry had been in the hospital… some kind of tests for his heart.

The dreams got hard again. I could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness—half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed.

What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain—the pain that had me now, had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without him.

I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I’d discovered the meadow with Jacob… well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now. How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing me apart? It was so much better that I didn’t have an audience.

The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I’d expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. Here was the connection I’d sought. The proof, however remote, that—somewhere in the same world where I lived—he did exist.

The question made him pause. “I like Tanya very much,” he mused. “And her sister Irina even more.… I’ve never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult.… I’m surprised that any of them can keep it up for long.” He smiled at me conspiratorially. “Sometimes I cheat.”

I missed him horribly. It had been bad enough to be alone before I was scared silly. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my cold fingers.

Holy crow, I knew exactly what was going on with Jacob. It was Sam Uley.

There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.

“If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?”

Not as bad! Not as bad! my mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn’t as bad. This wasn’t the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what little peace there was left behind. That was all. Not as bad, I agreed, then added, but bad enough.

I’d thought Jake had been healing the hole in me—or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn’t crumble into pieces.

“Look, Bella, haven’t you ever had a secret that you couldn’t tell anyone?”

“It’s not something I can run away from, Bella,” he whispered. “I would run with you, though, if I could.”

What kind of a place was this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories?

But Jacob? Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to.… And he wasn’t even human. I fought the urge to scream again. What did this say about me?

Jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? A real one? A bad one? Should I warn him, if he and his friends were… were murderers?

Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.

“Well, I’m so sorry that I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I’m just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?” I jumped to my feet and glared back. “No, you’re not!” I shouted. “It’s not what you are, stupid, it’s what you do!”

“Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing—our one enemy. It’s the reason we exist—because they do.”

This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love.

My chest felt better as soon as Jacob was beside me.

No, Edward wasn’t a killer. Even in his darker past, he’d never been a murderer of innocents, at least. But what if he had been? What if, during the time that I’d known him, he’d been just like any other vampire? What if people had been disappearing from the woods, just like now? Would that have kept me away from him? I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.

I do spend most of my time with Jacob, though. He’s my best friend.” Mike’s eyes narrowed shrewdly. “Don’t kid yourself, Bella. The guy’s head over heels for you.” “I know,” I sighed. “Life is complicated.” “And girls are cruel,” Mike said under his breath.

Sounding like an incel there, Mike

“We’re a pretty messed-up pair, aren’t we?” Jacob said. “Neither one of us can hold our shape together right.” “Pathetic,” I agreed, still breathless. “At least we have each other,”