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September thirteenth. Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday. I was officially eighteen years old.
Bellaaaa, virgo twinnnnn, my sept 4th is coming up tooooo! Birthday month <3
The idea of Edward ceasing to exist, even if I were dead, was impossibly painful.
“I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.” “Don’t be melodramatic, please.” “Well then, don’t you be ridiculous.”
Oop-
Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight—a lunar eclipse, a new moon.
I saw no reason for fear. I couldn’t imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of, not physically at least. One of the few advantages of losing everything.
Sometimes, kismet happens.
I’d forgotten how much I really liked Jacob Black.
My inner child that was team jacob is screaminggggg
Jacob was a gift from the gods.
Jacob being stuck in the friend zone and not realizing he is the friendly rebound </3
I was beginning to think it was mostly Jacob. It wasn’t just that he was always so happy to see me, or that he didn’t watch me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for me to do something that would mark me as crazy or depressed. It was nothing that related to me at all. It was Jacob himself. Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him.
Thats my jacobbb <33333
I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up. “Oh, Jake, it’ll be okay!” I promised.
Awwwww i love themmmm
I didn’t normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level. Not human beings.
Hanging with the vAmPiReS does that
“I’ve never seen anyone paler than you… well, except for—” He broke off, and I looked away, trying to not understand what he had been about to say.
Bruuuutherrrr
This had to be it, the recipe for a hallucination—adrenaline plus danger plus stupidity. Something close to that, anyway.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Jacob.” I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head. “Why are you apologizing for bleeding?”
Bahahah he aint a vampire
His skin was such a pretty color, it made me jealous. Jacob noticed my scrutiny.
Bella loves that melaninnn
“What?” he asked, suddenly self-conscious. “Nothing. I just hadn’t realized before. Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?”
<3333
As always, Jacob was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.
I bet you’d taste good.” “Thanks so much,” I said, looking away. He wasn’t the first person to tell me that.
Oop-
I couldn’t stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own.
“The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?” I raised one eyebrow. “Some people are hard to discourage.” “Then again,” Jacob said thoughtfully, “sometimes persistence pays off.” “Most of the time it’s just annoying, though.”
Uhhh awkwrddddd
How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our relationship when I enjoyed being with him so much?
There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything. “What?” I muttered sourly. “You like me, right?” “You know I do.”
“It’s still the other one, isn’t it?” I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name—just like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said.
Jacob >>>
“I can’t imagine how I could not like being with you,” I told him honestly. Jacob beamed. “I can live with that.” “Just don’t expect more,” I warned him,
If i didnt know how this series ended, i wouldve 99.9% believe they wouldve been endgame :')
“It’s just that, I know how you’re unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m always here. I won’t ever let you down—I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?” “Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know.”
How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now.
Bruuutherrrr
Even more, I had never meant to love him.
But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug.
He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.
There was nothing special about this place without him.
Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn’t matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you.
There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved. I could only think of one possibility, locked in horror as I was. Yet I’d never imagined that a wolf could get so big.
My good vampires were never coming back; how soothing it was to imagine that the other kind could also disappear.
Jacob’s a kid; he was probably just messing around. I’m sure he’s fine. He can’t spend every waking minute with you, after all.”
Ouch
What was with these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?
There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.
More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly. I wanted to be a vampire.
“If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?”
He said itttttt
“Are you… breaking up with me?” The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger. He barked out a bitter laugh. “Hardly. If that were the case, I’d say ‘Let’s stay friends.’ I can’t even say that.”
I’d thought Jake had been healing the hole in me—or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole,
If whatever Jacob has going on with this Sam character sends her back into that depression, then Jacob is going to have to answer to me.
Tell him charlieeeee
This wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes. The black-brown, familiar eyes of Jacob Black.
But Jacob? Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to.… And he wasn’t even human.
“Well, I’m so sorry that I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I’m just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?”
“How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it’s like you can read my mind.” “Naw. I just pay attention.”
Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.
When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn’t wander. I was holding Emily’s scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.
Awww "our werewolves" <3
“We’re a pretty messed-up pair, aren’t we?” Jacob said. “Neither one of us can hold our shape together right.” “Pathetic,” I agreed, still breathless. “At least we have each other,” he said, clearly comforted by the thought.
A date with Jacob, a date with Edward… I laughed darkly to myself.
I’d lost too much already—would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind?
