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“Don’t do this,” he pleaded. You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me. “Please. For me.” But you won’t stay with me any other way. “Please.”
“Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find.”
He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.
“It was Edward.” The words were just a choked whisper. “He thinks you’re dead.”
“Please, Bella. I’m begging.” His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat. “Jake, I have to—” “You don’t, though. You really don’t. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me.”
That would be just like me—ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.
And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived.
His voice was like honey and velvet. “Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,” he murmured, and I recognized the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb.
At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.
It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.
After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?
You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.”
What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I’ll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that!
“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason.… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.
“Then be nice to Edward, because he’s going to be where I am.”
When I did think of Jake, I always felt guilty for not thinking of him more.