Again

by J.L. Seegars

“I can’t do that,” he says quietly. “Why not?” “Because doing that only makes me think about how everyone should still be calling you Mrs. Daniels.”

I opened my stupid mouth and all but confessed that I still think of her as mine because I’m perfectly content with staring at her, soaking in her beauty and wondering how successful my plan to get her back into my bed and my life will be.

Instead, I called my assistant and gave her all of Amina’s information, so she could call the airline and upgrade her ticket to first class. Putting her in the extra seat I always purchase when I fly, to avoid having to make small talk with strangers, just so I could have the honor of being ignored by her for the six hours it took for us to reach our destination.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to be ignored by someone, but that’s what Amina does to me. She makes everything—even the most mundane or insulting thing—feel like a gift.

“Funny. And what word would you use to describe your habit of making everything I do about you?” Obsession. Reckless compulsion. Love.

Clearly, she doesn’t know I’ll take anything she’s willing to give me. An insult. A slap to the face. A kick to the balls. As long as she’s close enough to deliver the blow.

The idea of any part of us being resigned to the past, deemed an insignificant relic of an era that has been forgotten, makes my entire being ache. Amina could never be my past. Our love—our history, our future, and even this impossible present where she won’t acknowledge that she’s mine— lives in a place where time doesn’t exist. A boundless space where the brand she left on my heart has never faded. A ceaseless oasis that will continue to be even when this world is gone and our bodies are nothing but dust floating in the cosmos.

but watching Amina eat is like a religious experience. Like looking into the face of God or having serotonin and dopamine injected straight into your veins and being able to feel every ounce of it flow into your body.

“Yes, I would. Tell me what you want, Amina. I’ll give you anything. It’s all yours anyway.”

“I don’t give a fuck about those papers. Everything I have is yours, and it always will be because I wouldn’t have any of it if it wasn’t for you.”

At one point in my life, I never would have believed he would give them to anyone but me. But that was before Little Miss Wide Eyes and Deep Pockets walked into his life and served him his dreams on a silver platter with her panties as a complementary side.

want. I took her calls no matter what. I dropped what I was doing to attend events with her. I shared meals with her and her friends and spent more time in her world than my own. And when I started to notice the toll trying to conceive was taking on Amina, I leaned on her. I talked to her about things I should have been discussing with my wife. I believed her willingness to listen was innocent, but it wasn’t and now I know that confiding in her cost me everything.

“I can think of a few games I’d like to play with you, baby, but this—” I gesture between the two of us, and she narrows her eyes. “—is not a game to me. You have never been a game to me. Not even when I was a thirteen-year-old boy obsessed with beating you at everything.”

“You make the end of our marriage sound so simple, so easy, like letting you go didn’t kill me. Like not knowing why I had to figure out how to live life without you hasn’t made every fucking day unbearable.”

“I haven’t breathed since you left me, Amina.”

And she should be worried because I’m not leaving Tulum without her heart.

“I’m happy to help you forget everything but the way my dick feels when I’m moving inside of you, but I just want to be clear on something.” I lean down and let my lips brush the lobe of her ear. She shivers against me. “When we do this, it changes everything. There’s no going back to normal or pretending that this never happened.”

“Oh, no. I’m going to fuck you tonight, baby. And I’m going to do it so thoroughly you’re going to wonder why you spent so much time fighting with me about something that’s an inevitability.”

I’m not afraid of hard work. Not if it gets me you.”

“I want to bend you over this table and fuck you until you can’t see straight. Can I?”

“Hold on to the table, baby.”

“My goal for this trip was to come back with your heart, Mina. You’ve always had mine, but I knew I was going to have to put everything I had into reclaiming yours. I knew you weren’t going to make it easy on me, and I was prepared to use everything to my advantage. The romantic atmosphere, the emotions from the wedding, the proximity of our villas. Everything. And then I saw you at the airport, and I knew I couldn’t wait to start the process of winning you back. So I called my assistant, gave her all of your info, and got you the last seat in first class. The one by me.”

I wish I could climb underneath her skin. Burrow into her heart, make her soul my home.

I woke her up with her legs on my shoulders and my tongue in her pussy.

“You’re going to let me have you wherever I want, however I want.”

She is my religion. Her body is my place of worship, and I will spend the rest of my life at her altar.