Moth (Monstrous, #5)

by Lily Mayne

“Want to get something to eat?” I asked Moth. We’d been walking all day and hadn’t stopped since late morning.

She eyed Moth warily as she handed him his menu. He’d left his hair loose today, and he kept his head bent low over the menu so it shielded him a little from view. I felt a pang of sadness. His face wasn’t inhuman enough for people to be able to immediately work out that he wasn’t entirely human, but they still got that uneasy vibe I’d gotten when I first saw him.

I could sense Moth watching me. When I glanced at him, he flushed and looked away, but his eyes darted back when I licked my lips, making my gut lurch with arousal.

One corner of his lips tipped up into a tiny smile, the rings piercing them flashing in the harsh overhead lights of the diner. He looked even paler under the fluorescent light, and at the very base of his throat, between tattoos, I could see just a hint of the pink scales I’d seen elsewhere on his body.

“Moth.” My voice was only slightly hysterical when I hissed his name. A few moments later, I heard him jog up behind me. His citrus scent filled my nose when he peered over my shoulder at the body on the ground. “Whoops,” he said. My lips parted on a stunned little puff of breath. I turned to face him. “Whoops?”

God, Moth was the most infuriating person I’d ever met—and I’d spent over a decade in the company of Hunter. I inhaled a long breath through my nose, trying very hard to calm down.

“He was a lying asshole.” “So? You can’t kill people just because they’re assholes!” I stilled and focused intently on Moth. “Do you kill people just because they’re assholes?” He gave a tiny, noncommittal shrug, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to admit it or not in case I started yelling.

Try and think of him like you do Edin, my brain suggested, and I almost physically cringed at the idea. I couldn’t. Mainly because I definitely did not want to fuck Edin—I’d seen what he was packing beneath that kilt; there was no way in hell I’d ever let that baseball bat anywhere near me. But when I looked at Moth, I could never decide if I wanted to strangle him or start tearing off his clothes. He was infuriatingly attractive. His face was like a work of art—almost too perfect to be real. Definitely too perfect to be human. Didn’t stop me wanting to punch it, though.

God, I was so attracted to him it was ridiculous. And it was obvious that he was attracted to me too, at least physically. The urge to just ask him if he wanted to fuck to relieve some of this pressure between us was overwhelming.

“Moth, you… you don’t have to sleep in your coat,” I said hoarsely. “Or your boots.” “It’s fine,” he said quickly. I pursed my lips. We didn’t bring up the incident of me walking in on him naked. Ever. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t give a shit about his monster feet or his tail, but I knew it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t make him any less self-conscious about it.

When the tip of his tongue played absently with the ring going through his bottom lip, the arousal bloomed bigger, and my heart sped up just a little. I imagined him leaning in slowly, pale eyes hooded, and flicking his tongue against my lips before fitting his mouth to mine.

For the millionth time, I wondered what Moth would be like in bed. Slow and seductive, or fast and rough? Despite the big windows and all the people outside, I pictured him hoisting me up onto the counter and stepping between my legs. Grabbing my face roughly and thrusting his tongue into my mouth.

The bartender’s rough, unfriendly voice pulled my attention back to him. “Your friend blind or something?” He shot Moth a sour look, his lip curling. “The fuck’s wrong with his eyes?” Anger flared, making my hands clench into fists, but before I could say anything Moth sneered. “I can see well enough to punch you in the fucking mouth.” My lips curled into a tiny smile as the guy’s face blanched, but that mildly disgusted look continued to twist his features.

“Sorry about him,” I added, my voice still rough as we stepped back onto the street. He gave a stiff shrug, keeping his eyes averted. “Used to it. I don’t care.” But his posture was tense, and I could tell he wanted to get away from the bar as he started walking down the street. I caught up with him, still quietly seething. Did literally everyone treat Moth like that? Just immediately treat him like shit?

I’d lie beside Moth at night picturing it. Not picturing us having a threesome with a stranger, but just the two of us fucking. Because I really, really wanted to fuck Moth. Not just because I hadn’t fucked anyone in a painfully long time—although that was a part of it. He was almost overwhelmingly gorgeous, even when he was scowling and being snarky with me.

I’d thought he would have liked a night away from me. Even though I was pretty sure he was attracted to me, I was under no illusion that he really liked me. And he was an intensely private person. His own room meant he could actually sleep comfortably for once and not have to worry so much about staying constantly covered up.

was suddenly doubting my decision to bring this up when the door swung open and Moth scowled at me from inside the room. “What do you want?” he snapped. “You’ve got your own room.” “I… I wanted to talk to you,” I said cautiously as he stomped back to the bed and sat down with his legs crossed. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me, watching as he fiddled with a cheap charm bracelet between long fingers. “About what?” he muttered petulantly. “Want me to go and stay in a different fucking building so I’m even further away from you?” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, even as my lips twitched as I realised why he was so pissed. He was offended.

“Okay, so…” I licked my lips. “Uh… We’re both pretty tense, right? This is stressful and… this whole thing has been gruelling.” Moth stayed silent, but I could tell he was listening intently, his head bent to stare at the bracelet in his hand. “And I, um… I had an idea I wanted to ask you about. I’m…” I licked my dry lips again. “I’m really attracted to you, Moth. Like, really attracted.”

“And… maybe I’ve got it completely wrong, but it feels like… you’re attracted to me too?” I asked uncertainly. I heard Moth’s breath catch and saw his tongue dart out to lick his lips. He cleared his throat, but his voice was still croaky when he gave a tiny shrug and said, “I… Y-yeah. I guess.” I paused, then snorted before teasing, “You guess? Real flattering.” His face went pink, but he still didn’t look up at me. “Yeah. I am,” he mumbled, shoulders hunching up like he was worried about admitting it.

Some of the nerves fled. Lust heated my belly. I tried to ignore it as I continued. “Okay, so, I know that doesn’t mean you… actually like me or want anything with me. You know, like a relationship. I know you’re… You have feelings for Ghost. And I’m not in a position for any kind of relationship anyway.”

“I’m… You know I’m not all human,” he croaked. That wasn’t a no. “Yeah,” I said easily. “I know.” His head lifted, and his eyes were a mix of wariness and something like longing as he stared at me. “Don’t you care?” “No,” I said simply. “But you’ve…” His face deepened even more in colour. “You’ve seen that I—I’m…” My chest ached for him. I wanted to reach out and rest my hand on his back, but didn’t know if he wanted any kind of touch. He hadn’t said yes or no yet. “I’m attracted to people, Moth,” I told him. “Not… specific genders or body types or whatever. I know you’re not all human. That doesn’t factor into it one way or another. I just…” I shrugged. “Want you.”

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, my voice lower as arousal started pumping through my blood. His eyes darted back up to mine before dropping to my mouth. He licked his lips and gave a nod. As I started leaning in, his breath hitched. “Will you… will you tell me if I’m doing it wrong?”

“I told you,” I said gently, “I’m not attracted to specific body parts. I’m attracted to people.” I hesitantly raised a hand, and when he didn’t move, I rested it on his chest. His heart thudded against my palm, hard and fast.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t want to lick every inch of you,” I told him with a little grin, pleased when his pupils expanded in a rush. “When you’re comfortable with me doing it, that is. I guarantee, Moth, I’m going to love every part of you.” When he lifted his eyes to mine, the yearning in them threw me off guard, even though I knew it wasn’t yearning for me as such. It was for acceptance. Being able to be intimate with someone for the first time in his life. Being touched.

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’m… I want this, Charlie.” I nodded and gave him a smile. “Me too.”

Our lips moulded together gently, a simple press at first to let him get used to it. I was shocked by the intense rush of lust that tingled over my skin and tightened my balls from such an innocent kiss. I pulled back a little to kiss him again, my lips slightly parted this time so I could lightly suck his lower lip into my mouth, feeling the hard, thin ring of metal piercing the centre. Moth’s breath hitched, and I felt him hesitantly rest a hand on my side. I shivered from the skin-on-skin contact.

He’d been kissing me back tentatively, but as soon as I released his bottom lip, he pushed his mouth against mine with a touch more force. Our lips parted just a little with each kiss. When I brushed my tongue just inside his mouth, between his teeth, he shuddered and gripped my side tighter. The next time I did it, the tip of his tongue timidly met mine. There was something slightly different about it compared to a human tongue—the tip was pointier, and the texture was still slick and soft, but… patterned.

I wanted him. Moth. Even though he was prickly and arrogant and closed-off most of the time. It wasn’t just his looks, despite the fact that he was ridiculously beautiful. He was smart and quick-witted and kept me on my toes. It was fun having verbal sparring matches with him.

“Charlie,” he mumbled shakily, long fingers still cradling the back of my head. I bit my lip and gave him one more kiss, unable to stop myself, before pulling back so I wasn’t rubbing my aching cock against him and taking a sharp breath.

I smiled widely at him when he opened the door. “Morning.” He returned it with a tiny smile of his own, even as his cheeks flushed pink. “Morning.”

We’d shared one final kiss—which had gone on longer than it probably should have—before he mumbled goodnight and slipped through the door.

Fuck, I wanted to kiss him.

It had all felt so much… better, because I’d felt like I actually had permission to stare at him. To want him. There hadn’t been the fear that if I stared for too long, he’d sneer and ask me what the fuck I thought I was looking at. He wanted me back. He’d wanted me to look at him.

“I really hope I at least get to kiss you one more time before we both possibly die painful, parasitic deaths.”

but he pulled his hand back at the last second. “I’m sorry, Moth.” His eyes were uneasy as he looked at me. “I’m sorry for hiding it from you. But please believe me—I’m not going back. And even if I was, I wouldn’t tell them anything. I promise.” I cleared my throat and nodded. “Okay. I believe you.” I did. And I had no right to judge him for keeping it from me, when we’d barely trusted each other in the beginning. I was keeping things from him, too.

“Are you sure your pack’s not too heavy? I can carry it.” I grinned over at Moth as I adjusted the straps of my backpack to tug it higher. “Are you gettin’ sweet on me, Moth?” He flushed pink and looked away. “You’re so annoying.” There was no heat behind it. And when I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tugged him close to place a big kiss on his cheek, he let me. “I’m good,” I said, releasing him. “Feel great. Having a sexy nurse helped speed up my recovery immensely.”

“Moth, you don’t have to—” “No.” He released my hand and shoved his white hair back from his flushed face. “It’s not fair to make you touch me when I’m not… normal, if you haven’t even… seen.” Before I could protest that, he cringed slightly and added in a flat voice, “And I’d rather know if you’re not into it before we—Before anything else.” “Moth, I’ve already told you,” I began hoarsely, “I want you, exactly as you are. You don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You don’t need to worry about—”

“You’re perfect,” I croaked, forcing myself not to dig my fingers in and hold him tighter.

I turned my head to kiss his trembling thigh as I glanced up at him. “You okay, baby?”

“I’m s-sorry,” he got out. “I d-don’t know w-why I’m c-crying.” But I did. He’d finally let himself be vulnerable with someone for the first time in his life. He’d forced himself to push aside all his fears and insecurities about his body and let someone touch him. See him.

Going with my gut instinct, I leaned over and gave his cheek a quick kiss before I carried on eating. Moth let out a quiet breath and started eating again too. After a few minutes, I felt his free hand creep cautiously onto my leg beneath the table and his fingers threaded through mine. I swallowed, my chest aching, but I didn’t comment on it in case it embarrassed him. I squeezed his hand back, holding on tight as we finished eating in silence.

I knew that what I felt for Moth was already growing from casual physical attraction to something deeper. How could it not, after witnessing his intense emotional reaction to us having sex? Knowing why he’d had it—knowing how he felt about himself, and what it must have taken to gather up the courage to be that vulnerable with me. With anyone.

I still wanted Moth fiercely, but it was more than just sexual gratification. I wanted him to see how desirable he was. How there was someone who wanted him just as he was, even if he didn’t want anything more with me.

“I love every part of you,” I told him. “You’re perfect.” “God, Charlie.” He let out a shaky breath and rested his forehead against mine, fingers trailing down my back to fiddle with the band of my underwear. “What?” I murmured, tilting my head to kiss his cheek. He shook his head. “You’re just…” He buried his face in my neck, pressing his lips there. “Thank you. I’m sorry I was such an asshole at the beginning.”

“I just hate everyone.” He was silent for a moment, before he croaked, “I don’t hate you.”

I don’t hate you either. I like you, Moth. I want you. Do you want me back? For more than just sex? Are you still in love with Ghost?

“Please tell me,” I repeated. “I was so worried. I don’t care if it’s something bad, Moth—if you’re involved in something. Please just tell me why you keep vanishing into thin air. Why you’re hurt.”

“You’ll hate me if I tell you.” My brows furrowed. “No I won’t.” I slid off the bed to kneel between his legs, resting my forearms on his thighs to clasp his waist beneath his coat. “I won’t, Moth,” I said, staring up at him. “You can’t control what your parent does. Why would I hate you for it?”

Um… I moved between families a lot because—because no one knew what was wrong with me and no one wanted to deal with it.” I guessed he was referring to the differences in his body. Rage spiked again, making my fingers flex against his thighs. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Moth.”

They’d left him behind? When he was fucking five? I was breathing hard through my nose as I stayed quiet, letting him speak.