The Infinity Between Us

by N.S. Perkins

“Oh, nothing,”

“I’m just having a little fun breaking the pipes above my head in the...

“Please be careful.” She smiles stiffly. “Platonic and romantic feelings can easily shift, but once they do, it’s hard to go back.”

Ever since that night, when there’s a thunderstorm during summer, he comes to my room and sleeps on the ground.

“I… I just knew.”

BECAUSE HE THINKS UR THE ONE

It felt good for once to not feel alone in my grief.

I thought our subconscious was supposed to forget about traumatic events to protect us.

“You finally did something for yourself, and that makes me really happy.”

In complete silence, Will comes inside with the same pillow and navy-blue comforter he had as a teenager, before placing them on the ground next to my bed. I’m frozen in place under my covers. I don’t think I’m even breathing.

So why in the world am I thinking Will Seaberg coming into my room and sleeping on the hardwood floor just because he thinks I’m scared is the most tender thing I’ve ever witnessed?

His thumb gives a single swipe, then he lets his hand rest on me.

It doesn’t matter how I feel about it anyway. I know I could never ask him to let me go, even if I wanted to.

“I swim because water’s where I belong.”

“I’m still going to make you bust your ass this summer so you stay on the team,” I say, making him chuckle lightly, “but even if you come in last at competitions, I’ll be just as proud of you.”

“Did you really just jump in the pool with your clothes on to calm me down?” “It was time you noticed!” He laughs and hugs me again. “Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” His mouth is pressed in my hair.

Until my eyes meet Will’s across the fire and my whole body bursts into flames. A simple look, and it’s like he’s touched me everywhere at once.

“IcloggedthetoiletandI’mnotabletofixit.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re not going in like that.” He tries to raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Is there a nuclear bomb in there?” Eyes closed, I sigh. Why did I even bother waking up this morning? “I don’t want you to look.” I put approximately an entire can of Febreze in there, so the smell should be fine, if only a little extra fruity, but there’s no way I’m going to let him look down the toilet. “How am I supposed to do it if I don’t look?” “I don’t know, Einstein, just figure it out!”

“What good beach house would not keep a pair of ski goggles just in case someone clogs the toilet?”

“I won’t laugh at you, even if it’s the biggest turd in the world.”

“What the hell, Violet? Is there a rock in there or what?” I shove his shoulder. “I have IBS, okay!”

“You won’t win this,” he mumbles, pumping and pumping and pumping, and I’m not sure exactly, but I think he’s in a mental argument with the toilet right now.

“I can’t believe this just happened,” I say in between bouts of laughter. “Me neither, Violet. Me neither.” “You’re a real lifesaver,”

“I’m glad you aren’t with any of these tools anymore.” My heart stutters before he adds, “You deserve better than them. Better than all of them.”

“You look beautiful. Colin’s a lucky guy.”

Who cares if he looks at me differently than all the men I’ve been with? It doesn’t mean anything.

I might be a very bad feminist, but when someone tells me they’ll do the work for me, I don’t complain, so I wait for him in the car.

After an hour and careful consideration, the game is not on. It’s actually very well off.

This is so not two people simply surfing at the same time, but I want the answer too much to care.

For the second time in a matter of minutes, my heart bleeds, but now for the man who lost the thing he loved the most.

“I don’t understand why you want to keep this place if you had a hard time once we left too.”

“But it’s possible to get out of it. To choose to focus on the good parts. To choose not to give up.”

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Will says as he looks down at me. He’s smiling softly, and boy, he’s beautiful.

“My hewo.”

“Not your hero, only your best friend.”

“You. I think about you.”

“Are you okay? What do you need from me?”

he is so sweet i need a will

Why my mom did what she did. What she might’ve been thinking before she died. What truly happened in the days, weeks, and even years before it happened.

omg what did her mom do

sudden. Actually, it’s like I’ve been tired for the past five years, never able to have one true good day that isn’t filled with grief-stricken thoughts and chest pain from memories I wish I could release like petals in the wind.

“Talk to me, Violet.” And that unlocks something in me.

“Or would you rather I tell you about the other times when I’d be so sad that I couldn’t talk, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, because what was the point of living when the person who loved me the most was gone?”

“Come here.”

the hug

In one quick move, he’s right next to me and his arms are wrapped around my body.

“I’m not going anywhere,”

my hurt/comfort trope heart is bleeding

For my dad, who lost the one person who was supposed to be by his side forever. For my brothers, who were so young when Mom died and who were probably scarred by it.

And for myself, who’s so broken that she agreed to rely on the one who hurt her the most, despite all the times she told herself, “Never again.”

“But seriously Violet, what you do for others is amazing. I just want you to try to give yourself the same compassion you give others. Okay?”

“I promise I won’t tell you again about all that you’re missing by not ordering mint chocolate chip.”

A weight is taken off my chest, small enough that I know our conversation will stick in my mind for days, but still big enough that I can nod and take his offered hand.

“You look beautiful. It’s actually much less swollen than yesterday.”