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“I know when you look at me, you see everything that went wrong, but when I look at you?” He licks his lips. “Violet, when I look at you, I still see the love of my life.”
Just thought you should know that if you ever find it in you to love this house—or me—again, we’ll be right here.”
“You’re killing me, V. Truly fucking killing me.” I laugh. “Same goes to you, Seaberg.” He lifts his head up. “As much as I want to keep doing this, I don’t know when people will be coming back, so how about we go to the beach.” “The beach?”
“Can I ask you just a little more about the girls you met at college?” “This again?” he says, laughter in his voice. “You can’t fault me for being curious.” “Of course, you can ask.” He turns to me. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
Maybe two or three, I don’t remember.” I nod, then look back to the water. I know it isn’t that many, but it feels tremendous. All these people who’ve known Will in ways I never have. “Hey,” he says, bringing my attention back to him. “All that, it doesn’t matter.” “Easy to say.” “Yes, easy to say, because I know these girls are not who I want. You are.” I know he could be talking crap, but I also know Will, and this is serious to him. I can see it.
Will chuckles, deep and smooth. “Hey, it’s okay,” he says as he pulls my hands away from my face and wraps them in his again. “I was actually really happy to learn that.” One of my eyebrows climbs up my forehead. “I know it’s stupid, and it wouldn’t have mattered if it was any other way, but there’s this caveman part of me that’s happy no other guy has ever touched you.”
“Say it.” “Y-yes.” He spreads kisses over the column of my throat. “Yes what, V?” “Touch me.” My voice is airy, almost unrecognizable. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than his hands on my throbbing center. I feel him smile wide against my neck as he says, “Gladly.”
“And who do you think about when you do it?” My cheeks and neck must be flushed, but right now, I’m way past embarrassment. It’s Will who’s touching me there for the first time. He knows every single part of me. There’s nothing to hide anymore. With a moan, I say, “You.” “Good girl,”
“That’s it, baby,” he says against my skin as he continues his circles. When I finally come back to earth, Will is leaning over my board, gazing at me with a smug grin. I’m still catching my breath, which seems to amuse him. “So? Better than by yourself?” he asks. I shove him, laughing. “You know it was.” “Just making sure.”
I clear my throat. “This might not have been planned, but it’s really good seeing you.” Lips still pursed, she gives a single nod. “I guess you’ve forgiven him,” she says, tone dry. “It’s complicated,”
“Let’s cut the bullshit, please,” she snaps. “Why did you think it was okay?” “What? What do you mean?” My mouth is dry, voice raucous. “Why did you think it was fine to just go and never talk to me again? Hm?” Her words are a punch to my sternum. I open and close my mouth, but really, I have no answer. “Because I never did anything to you, Ti—Violet.”
Ignoring me, she continues walking around the room as she says, “You know, it made sense for you to be pissed at my parents. I guess it made sense for you to be pissed at Will too.” She jabs a finger at her chest. “But I never did anything.” Her voice breaks on the last word, and she stops talking as she takes in a shaky breath. A tear falls from her eye, and she quickly wipes it, but another falls, and then another. And with every new one, the fissure in my heart deepens. “They hurt you, not me. So why did you decide to stop replying to me? Huh?”
“I don’t…” A sob racks my body, and I hiccup, barely able to breathe. “I was hurting. I don’t have a better one. I wish I did, but I don’t. I was hurting.” “And you think you were the only one who was hurting?” I shake my head. “No, I—” “Because, you know, I was in pain too. Everything in my life was falling apart, and you weren’t there for me. We should’ve been there for each other.”
“I told Caleb I’d meet him at the motel not too late,” she adds. When she takes a look at my confused—and shocked—face, she clarifies, “my boyfriend.”
I lick my lip. “And I really did miss you.” He pulls my head back to his chest, both hands squeezing me hard. “Oh, baby, I really missed you too.”
“I couldn’t be mad at you for listening to your heart. Ever.”
“Do you love him?” she asks out of nowhere, dropping this bomb I haven’t even given me the permission to ask myself. My mouth opens, but no word comes out. “Because if you do, then don’t wait to tell him. You wouldn’t want to miss your chance.” Chewing on my lip, I say, “I don’t want to ruin things.”
“Do you wonder sometimes what would’ve happened if my dad and Amy had never met?” Will asks, bringing my thoughts back to the here and now. “No, I’ve never thought about that. Why?” “I don’t know.” He scratches his head. “I’ve thought about it a few times, but honestly, I don’t think it could’ve been any other way.”
“I can’t believe it’s a coincidence that out of all the people in their engineering class, your mom and my dad met and connected, and that that connection somehow led me to…” He gulps. “Led me to the most important person in my life.”
“I don’t know if our parents were meant to meet, but I can’t shake the feeling that even if they hadn’t, we would’ve somehow found each other.” Will’s body shifts to face mine. His eyes roam all over me, filled with a glint that means so much. “You want to know why it didn’t work with any of these girls in college?” I swallow. Do I? Of course I do. After I nod, he brings a hand to my face and traces the shape of it with the tip of his index finger. Goosebumps form on my flesh, his touch so delicate yet so meaningful. “They weren’t you,” he declares simply, like this is a well-known fact.
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“I love you,” I say, because how could I not feel this way? He’s it for me, too. Always has been, always will be. Will’s face lights up like the Fourth of July. “I love you, too.”
“How did I get so lucky?” he whispers before plunging his mouth back to my body, kissing again lower and lower and lower.
“Oh God,” I moan when he pinches one of my nipples. “You taste so good, V. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this.” His lips are glinting in the moonlight from me, and I think I’m close to coming from the sight alone.
“Good.” The shit-eating grin he gives me is worth all the money in the world. Then, he starts moving in and out of me, his pace slow and steady. At first, it’s still a little uncomfortable, but the more time passes, the better it feels. “I’m sorry, V. I don’t think I’ll last long,” he groans against my neck. “It’s too good.”
An empty family room, a destroyed father, a pair of high heels forgotten in the foyer back home in Syracuse making me fall to my knees in pain. A tear threatens to spill,
“You think I don’t know that?” His eyes are wide. Pleading. I’m hurting him. I hate how my pain overpowers everything in me. I hate how I can’t stop saying things I know will cause him heartache. I hate myself. Will blinks. “I tried contacting you after it happened. Over and over again. Don’t put this all on me.”
An unsteady exhale fills the space behind me. “Will you… Will you be back?” His voice breaks at the last word, and even through all the things my heart is feeling, it still succeeds in cracking for him. “Yes, I’ll be back.” Then, I run out of the house.
“What the fuck were you two doing there together?” “Alan, it’s—” “Because from what I’m understanding, there was no reason for you and my wife to be alone, naked, in a FUCKING HOTEL ROOM!” No. That’s not— It can’t. They wouldn’t do that.
Like when you learn your mother is having an affair. That she’s had a stroke. That she’s being operated on.
You don’t hear Nora’s pleas for the pain to stop. You don’t see your little brothers huddled together, praying for their mommy to make it out alive. You don’t notice when the pair of hands that was on your shoulders disappears, or when the voice of your lover arises in your ears, telling you he’ll call you soon. You don’t realize all of the family you always considered your own has left. You don’t try to make sense of what it means that your mom is lying down unconscious on an operating room table.
You follow her orders, and she tells you that everything is fine, but how could she lie that much? Isn’t she a doctor? Didn’t she swear an oath to never lie to patients? She must be the worst doctor in the world, then. How could you be fine when not only your biological family, but your chosen family, was broken, too?
“Fuck, V, I’m so sorry. For everything.” You don’t know how to answer, so you grip his hand instead. “At least you’re here,” you say, and at that, his face crumbles. “I… I can’t.” You sit up straighter. “What do you mean?” “I have to go, V.” He jumps to his feet and starts pacing the room, hands tangled in his hair. “My parents are going to try to work things out, and they said we need to… put some space between our families. For now.”
“You’re leaving me? Now?” A tear streams down his cheek. “It’s not like that, V. I have to.” Ignoring him, you say, “Your parents tell you to let me go, and you just agree? Just like that?” He falls to his knees next to your bed, hands holding tight to the white railing. “We just think you and I should spend a little time apart. That’s all.” Your shoulders stiffen. “You think or your parents think?”
Shaking his head, he says, “Please don’t ask me to choose between you and my family.” Your throat tightens, like the God who decided to ruin your life with a flick of his finger is crushing your windpipe with his stiff hands. “Seems like you already did,” you get out, voice barely more than a whisper. Will closes his eyes, another tear following the path the first one drew on his tan cheek. Then, he leans forward and takes your hand within his, kissing each knuckle one by one. “I love you, Violet. Please remember that.”
And when you hear the door close, you know you haven’t only lost your family, but also the man who owns your heart. A few days later, you receive a call. Then another. And another. Next, you receive texts. He tells you he’s sorry, that he made a mistake. He asks you to please call him back. He tells you he loves you. He says you and he can still work. You just need to call him back so he can explain. This doesn’t have to be the end of the two of you. But it’s too late. You’re already broken.
“Don’t waste your time being angry when you could be in love.”
“It drives me crazy that you think that. You don’t have to do anything to be extraordinary. Just being you is enough. You’re enough.”
“Actually, I have some lessons I need to plan, but you go ahead.” The smile he gives before leaving smells fake from a mile away, but I don’t pester him on it.
“Yes, it matters, goddammit!” He throws the glass he had collected to the floor, and I’m thankful I don’t see red all over his hands. “Everything’s slipping through my fingers. Summer’s almost over, and you still want to get rid of the house, and I have no idea what that means for you and me, and I can’t even salvage this fucking photograph!” I become immobile. That’s the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth, and I’m not sure what to make of it. I end up saying, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s all going to be okay,” I say as I face him, my hands sliding down his arms. “Is it?” “Yes.” It’s rare that I’m the optimistic one, but if Will is down, then someone needs to take the role. “How can you know that?” His voice is soft. I’ve never seen him so desperate before. It does something weird to my chest. “I can’t.” My hands grip his forearms harder. “But if I want to keep going, I have to believe that after all the shit we’ve been dealt, our future will be okay.”
Tilting my head up, I brush my lips to his scruffy chin and whisper, “What if I said I wanted it too?” That single sentence seems to be the key to his resistance because one second he’s staring at me, and the next his lips are on mine, soft and warm and possessive.
“The first time you come, I want it to be on my tongue.”
“What are you waiting for?” He licks his lips, already glistening and swollen from my kisses. “Fuck my face, baby.” Will Seaberg is no longer a simple hugger or neck kisser. He’s also a dirty talker, and it must be one of the sexiest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
I swallow down, heat rising to my cheeks. “I just… Um, since you and I…You know…It’s been hard for others to…” He lifts himself on his elbows so he’s looking me in the eyes. “Are you saying no other man has made you come?” I avert my gaze as I nod. “I’m not sure this will work. I don’t know why, it’s just—” “Don’t worry, V. I got you.”
“You don’t have any fucking idea how much I dreamed of tasting you again.” He flicks his tongue against me. “So sweet.” Another flick. “So perfect.” Then he wraps an arm around my hips and holds me down, mouth devouring me.
“I won’t lie. I love that it’s only me. So much.” I bite my lip before grabbing his face and kissing him hard. His mouth is glistening, and I can taste myself and him both on his tongue. When we break apart, he stays close and murmurs, “Don’t ever disappear on me again.”
“We’re not just good. We’re perfect.” One of his hands dips between my legs and starts circling my clit in delicious circles. I’m already so close, heat building and building as he moves faster in and out of me. “Because it’s always been you.”
Staying inside me, he exhales and drops his damp forehead on my chest. “This is impossible,” he mumbles. “I didn’t think it could ever get better than before, but somehow, it did.”
Will keeps throwing me glances as he sets himself up to patch a part of the ceiling that had water damage.
“Nora, I mean. You’ve asked me about my family but I didn’t ask a lot about yours.” “She’s…” He sighs, stretching his head back. “I’m not sure how she really is. She hasn’t talked much about their divorce.”
