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Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. —Oprah Winfrey The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. —Mahatma Gandhi
More than anything, I want you to be safe.
“forgiveness…is like a door. You can open yourself up to it or close yourself off from it at any time.” Forgiveness can be a powerful tool. It can loosen the knots we often tie ourselves. It can bandage up wounds, large and small. It can heal traumas, visible and invisible. But withholding forgiveness can also cause more harm than good. It can tighten its grip on you and keep you bound to the person who hurt you.
But I challenge you to define forgiveness for yourself. Because forgiveness is for you, and you deserve to be free.
Trauma doesn’t punch a clock, but you can set your watch by it. It works overtime most of the time. But it can be smothered like a whisper in a storm.
Whitman believed that the worth of life lies in life and suggested that in our brief time on earth, we should contribute to the greater good.
“But now? We fight. No more running.” There is strength in her words, a power, a call to action. The idea of being free from this burden calms me.
We all must be held accountable for our actions.”
“You don’t want to keep her from discovering their good points on her own, but they shouldn’t be granted a pass for all the bad. My dad used to say that good comes with the bad.”
You don’t have to carry this around alone anymore. I will help you any way I can. You can stop thanking me.”
“Time doesn’t work backward, so what’s done is done. Time is a measure of change, and change can only happen in forward motion. I like the idea of playing with time. Giving a moment or moments more time.”
“He said he marched into his father’s study and told him that he was in love with me and that he didn’t care what they thought.”
“Love is never complicated. The circumstances are but never the love.”
“I focused on Alana and her needs, her protection and safety, falling into my daily routine, always moving forward.
I’m in awe of her and all that she is. I can honestly say that no one has helped me understand love and all its fullness like she has.”
Sometimes our dreams are manifestations of what our heart wants.”
He smiles at me with the warmth of a thousand suns.
“We’re not bad people, Sara,” I say, noting the distinction in her you. “Just damaged. Hurt people hurt people. That’s not an excuse. But it’s true.”
I’m learning that the way to do that is through forgiveness. And eventually, when we’re ready, we need to let go and forgive.”
Next comes the rain, in sheets that pepper the ground in a chorus of a thousand claps.
“Deliberate. Calculated. When he touches you. Really touches you…” She shudders from what I assume is a vivid memory. “He’s a feast, and he’ll treat your body as one.”
“There’s no way of knowing if what’s happening between us is genuine or circumstance.” “Genuine is real. It’s true and easy. Circumstance is obligation. It’s stiff and hard. You’ll know the difference.”
And I do. Trust him. With all of it.
But lately, it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. It doesn’t hurt to remember you.
Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.
“Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying; And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying.”
I look up at him and instantly forget why I am angry with him. It doesn’t matter anymore. Here is the man I love. Whom I am in love with. The breaking of a promise he should have never had to make isn’t going to change that. Nothing will.
And I wonder how it’s possible to feel such debilitating sadness and an explosion of love at the same time.
“We can’t take it back. But we can atone for it,” I say. “We can let her go. We can let her choose.”
Dad placed Jacob in
charge of my closure in the event of his death. In that, I realize, I am in charge of Alana’s closure with Daniel. Before it’s too late.
Summoning the last ounce of courage, I release her hand, aware of the notion that in a moment’s time, everything will change. Life hurts.
I have waited so long to hear those words. And now that I have, I realize I never needed to hear them. The war we have been fighting has been a long one, unnecessary, claiming too many victims. There are no winners. No
losers. Just survivors left with raw wounds and scarred with the memory of battles we never wanted to fight.
Forgiveness, I’ve learned, is like a door. You can open yourself up to it or close yourself off from it at any time. We can’t rewrite history or change the outcome. Life is a series of choices. And we live in and with those choices we make.
More than anything, I am a dreamer. This book is for the dreamers. For those who imagine something more. For those who look at the world and think why not?
