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August 25 - September 6, 2025
“Mordecai said it’s addictive. I don’t like that. I’ve already broken you from your tobacco and chronic masturbation addiction. I can’t have you gaining a new one, Carl.”
“You’re not my person anymore,” Donut added. “Carl is. He’s always been.”
“Viva la revolución, Carl.”
“You snore, too.” The eyes softened. “I have never snored once in my life, Carl. I am both a princess and a cat. It’s quite literally impossible. Now quit talking nonsense and go to sleep.”
He’d also turned into a goddamned beaver.
The river in the back of my brain raged, flooding, filling all the empty places it could find.
arrows of Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea.
she’s into soaking. Look it up.”
It’s difficult being the voice of reason.
This would be the first and last time I would hear the camel speak.
Never trust mercenaries.
“You punched that vampire pterodactyl in the dick!” she cried. “You put a hole right in it!”
EVERYONE IS HAVING A DIFFICULT LIFE RIGHT NOW, KATIA. SHE DOESN’T GET EXTRA CREDIT BECAUSE SHE HAS A STUPID NAME.
“Don’t worry, Carl,” Donut said. “I’m quite practiced in the matter of taming dinosaurs.”
Trauma does that, I thought. It’s an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.
we don’t actively promote the death of our patrons. Unless you’re in the casino, of course. Or the Mosh Pit.”
And it’s not just Ferdinand. This is typical of the entire species. Cats don’t ask for permission. They never apologize. They’re soulless murderers. All of them.
