The Butcher's Masquerade (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #5)
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Read between August 25 - September 6, 2025
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“Mordecai said it’s addictive. I don’t like that. I’ve already broken you from your tobacco and chronic masturbation addiction. I can’t have you gaining a new one, Carl.”
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“You’re not my person anymore,” Donut added. “Carl is. He’s always been.”
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“Viva la revolución, Carl.”
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“You snore, too.” The eyes softened. “I have never snored once in my life, Carl. I am both a princess and a cat. It’s quite literally impossible. Now quit talking nonsense and go to sleep.”
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He’d also turned into a goddamned beaver.
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The river in the back of my brain raged, flooding, filling all the empty places it could find.
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arrows of Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea.
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she’s into soaking. Look it up.”
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It’s difficult being the voice of reason.
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This would be the first and last time I would hear the camel speak.
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Never trust mercenaries.
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“You punched that vampire pterodactyl in the dick!” she cried. “You put a hole right in it!”
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EVERYONE IS HAVING A DIFFICULT LIFE RIGHT NOW, KATIA. SHE DOESN’T GET EXTRA CREDIT BECAUSE SHE HAS A STUPID NAME.
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“Don’t worry, Carl,” Donut said. “I’m quite practiced in the matter of taming dinosaurs.”
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Trauma does that, I thought. It’s an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.
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we don’t actively promote the death of our patrons. Unless you’re in the casino, of course. Or the Mosh Pit.”
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And it’s not just Ferdinand. This is typical of the entire species. Cats don’t ask for permission. They never apologize. They’re soulless murderers. All of them.