Venomous Lumpsucker

by Ned Beauman

‘You will be pleased to know that, following these unfortunate events, we have conducted a thorough internal review, which has yielded several important recommendations for the future.’

SO true

It was a bit like how you wouldn’t strangle your own baby for crying in a restaurant but you’d strangle someone else’s.

Nice

‘The nuthatch thing just put me off nuthatches.’

Haha