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“I’m going to die,” Henry says helplessly. “I’m going to kill you,” Alex tells him.
God, if any ghosts of Founding Fathers are hanging around the White House tonight, they must really be suffering.
In an instant of sudden, vivid clarity, he can’t believe he ever thought he was straight.
“Hi,” he says, when he reaches Henry’s eye level. “Hello,” Henry says back. “I’m gonna take your pants off now,” Alex tells him. “Yes, good, carry on.”
Alex makes a mental note to figure out which shadowy gay noble taught Henry all this and send the man a fruit basket.
Henry is one talented bastard, a man of many hidden gifts, Alex muses half-hysterically. A true prodigy. God Save the Queen.
With a feat of Herculean strength, he summons up two whole words: “Fuck you.”
“What in the rich-white-people-sex-dungeon hell?”
“I don’t suppose you’ll be anywhere near Kensington anytime soon?” “That shithole?” he says with a wink. “Not if I can help it.” “Oi,” Henry says. He’s grinning now. “That’s disrespect of the crown, that is. Insubordination. I’ve thrown men in the dungeons for less.” Alex turns, walking backward toward the car, hands in the air. “Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time.”
I could have you made into a royal settee cushion for that kind of lèse-majesté. Fortunately for you, I do not think you would complement my sitting room decor.
“I will chop my own tit off before I let you pull some idiotic stunt to cause your mother, our first female president, to be the first president to lose reelection since H fucking W. Do you understand me? I will lock you in your room for the next year if I have to, and you can take your finals by fucking smoke signal. I will staple your dick to the inside of your leg if that keeps it in your fucking pants.”
“Thanks, baby bro.” “Don’t call me that.” “Tiny, miniature, itty-bitty, baby brother.” “Fuck off.” “Go to bed.”
“If you finish that sentence, I’m gonna spend tonight in jail.”
“Every time I see you, it takes another year off my life.
Alex wonders if it’s too late to swan dive off the roof.
History, huh? Bet we could make some.
The phrase “see attached bibliography” is the single sexiest thing you have ever written to me.
Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?
You engross my thoughts too intirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.
Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.
“Have a little more faith in your old man than that, eh? A little appreciation for the patron saint of gender-neutral bathrooms in California? Little shit.”
“You two better take the bunk beds tonight! Santa Maria is watching!”
Well, Alex is so in love he could die.
“Morning, sweetheart.” “Sorry,” Henry says. “I was looking for someone else. Handsome, petulant, short, not pleasant until after ten a.m.? Have you seen him?” “Fuck off, five-nine is average.”
“Love, you and I both know you’re rounding up.”
Dear Thisbe, I wish there weren’t a wall. Love, Pyramus
“Mr. Claremont-Diaz,” he says. “What a treat.” Alex has not got the damn time. “Move, Shaan.”
“Henry, you piece of shit, get your ass down here!” “You are making a scene,” Shaan says placidly.
Alex’s heart is going to fall out of his ass. Henry looks unimpressed.
dripping as aggressively as he can manage along the way. He hopes he ruins a rug.
I can see why all y’all had to marry your fucking cousins.”
“Jesus, could you stop being an obtuse fucking asshole for, like, twenty seconds?” “So glad you flew here to insult me—” “I fucking love you, okay?”
“Fuck you,” Henry says, his voice breaking, and he gets a handful of Alex’s shirt collar, and Alex knows he’s going to love this stubborn shithead forever.
I wasn’t the one who stormed the palace in a fit of pique to call me an ‘obtuse fucking asshole.’ ” “In my defense,” Alex says, “you were an obtuse fucking asshole.”
ALEX, Z JUST TOLD ME YOU’RE IN LONDON??????? Alex oh my god I swear to god if you do something stupid and get yourself caught, I’m gonna kill you myself But you went after him!!! That’s SO Jane Austen I’m gonna punch you in the face when you get back. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me How did it go??? Are you with Henry now????? GONNA PUNCH YOU
“Diaz, you insane, hopeless romantic little shit,” says the voice of the President of the United States, muffled in the bed. “It had better be forever. Be safe.”
“Stop, are you kidding me?” Alex says. “Prince Consort Road? Oh my God, take a picture of me with the sign.”
“I’m taking a picture of a national gay landmark,” Alex tells him. “And also a statue.”
“The top list of reasons to love you goes brain, then dick, then imminent status as a revolutionary gay icon.” “You are quite literally Queen Victoria’s worst nightmare.” “And that’s why you love me.” “My God, you’re right. All this time, I was just after the bloke who’d most infuriate my homophobic forebears.” “Ah, and we can’t forget they were also racist.” “Certainly not.” Henry nods seriously. “Next time we shall visit some of the George III pieces and see if they burst into flame.”
“I completely fucking love you.”
he takes the chain off his neck and slides the ring on next to the old house key. They clink together gently as he tucks them both under his shirt, two homes side by side.
With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.
Here lies Prince Henry of Wales. He died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.
“Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”
And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back.
Sometimes I feel like a funny-looking rock
16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. 17. Your equally huge dick. 18. The face you just made when you read that last one.
“Oh my God, Z, what is that? Did you get engaged?” Zahra looks down at the ring and shrugs. “I had the weekend off.”
Alex wants to go to war for this man, wants to get his hands on everything and everyone that ever hurt him,
Listen, I’m telling you right now, I will physically fight your grandmother myself if I have to, okay? And, like, she’s
