The Girl Beyond the Gate

by Becca Day

My mum doesn’t really care about me. She just likes having me around because of all the free stuff she can get.

So we're all thinking the same thing, noted

My daughter has lost her way. She’s been lost for a long time, and I haven’t noticed.

Although … Jodie was a mum once, and something obviously happened to change that.

I grip onto the hem of my shirt and scrunch it between my fingers. ‘What exactly happened?’

If Lacey is about to incriminate Norah I need to be prepared to take screenshots and get them over to the police as quickly as possible.

There are two minutes left on my self-imposed timer and I’m sure my blood pressure is at an all-time high when finally the dots reappear, and this time they only jump around for a few seconds before a new message flashes up.

You remind me a lot of my little girl. She was only a little bit younger than you when she died.

The sound of a door creaking infiltrates my dreams.

I squirm at the thought and tell myself not to be so silly.

There are a few beats of silence before she exhales and returns to her room, shutting the door after her. Now all there is to do is wait.

According to the hurried research I did this morning before leaving, Gareth is in for murder.

What if he killed alison?

I shake my head. How awful, to know your child is out there somewhere but never to be able to see her.

‘I didn’t have much to do with the doctors treating her. Norah insisted on doing all that alone; her appointments, medication and whatnot. Honestly, I never thought it was as bad as it was until the doctors agreed with her.’

I knew it, we knew it

One day she accused Norah of cheating on me with some doctor.’

Roth

That night she fell down the stairs.’

wtf

‘Do you think she killed your mother?’ There is a long pause. Then: ‘Yeah. She killed her all right.’

My daughter is a liar. She lies and she hides and she betrays, leaving me with more messes to clean up as she continues her oblivious existence. I’ve tried telling her to appreciate everything I do for her. I’ve tried reminding her what I’ve sacrificed to get us here. But she doesn’t care. It’s about Lacey. It’s always all about Lacey.

Imagine being a possessive lying mother and then trying to flip it onto the person who's life you've ruined.

I will not let Lacey ruin our lives.

Not another suicide, surely. There’ll be none of us left at this rate.

What if that’s why Norah killed him? It all makes perfect, terrible sense. I shudder and squirm in my seat. If he did do that, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for sleeping with him. The thought of his hands on me makes me feel unclean, contaminated.

They’re not crowding around my house. They’re crowding around next door. Lacey …

‘I was at Ridgemoor prison.’ The nerves are evident in my voice. A wobble I desperately try to stamp out. I swallow. ‘I left to go there at about 10.30 this morning and you brought me here as soon as I got back.’

‘Have you ever lost a child, DS Wolfe?’ She shakes her head softly. ‘No, no, I haven’t.’ ‘Then you have no business telling someone who has how they should or should not act. You can’t begin to imagine what goes through a mother’s head. Drastic actions are to be expected.’

‘You mean, like Norah Wilson did?’ I say. And DS Wolfe looks momentarily caught out.

‘Where are we going, Mummy?’

noooooooo

All there is, is the deafening screech of wheels and crushing of metal and the smell of burned rubber. And then the world is spinning, the stars and the streetlights are whipping around me in a terrifying cyclone. But the stars and the streetlights are not spinning. We are.

I’m convinced Norah’s making her illness up, forcing the doctors to do procedures she doesn’t need. You hear about that, don’t you? She never lets her out, never lets her interact with anyone, she’s practically keeping her prisoner in that house.’

Toby wraps himself around my ankles the second I enter the house. It’s really late. He must have been wondering where I’d got to. I bend down and scratch his chin. He’s been left alone so much recently. I’m pretty sure cats are happier being left alone than dogs, but the guilt nags at me all the same.

And then I realise something else. Lacey is standing.

Everyone act like we didn't see this happening

I’ve allowed myself to fabricate a reality that I was so, so sure of. I was so convinced Norah had faked her illness, I didn’t even consider the possibility that by taking Lacey away I was endangering her life. Arrest me. Lock me away. Stop me from hurting anyone ever again. Oh Lacey … Forgive me.

so the whole time she was just greiving and I was just eating it out of her hands, believing everything.