Does It Hurt?

by H.D. Carlton

“Wasn’t anything special?” I reiterate. Another awkward laugh. “Don’t make this weird, Enzo.” “Okay,” I tell her. “I won’t remind you of the best night of your life. But I am curious if you want to experience the best day of your life now.”

“What exactly is going to give me the best day of my life then?” “A shark.”

This is a mistake. Yet, here I am, following Enzo as he leads me toward a massive boat on the harbor, a credit card with his name on it burning in my back pocket. The only voice I can hear right now is Kev's. He berated me often, especially after our parents died. I can only imagine what he'd say now, watching me get on a boat with a man I hardly know. The worst part is I'm the criminal and allowing Enzo to take me out after what I've done… It's too far, even for me. Yet, I’m too fucking selfish to walk away.

“I’ll give you a kiss as a reward,” he murmurs, his voice deep and seductive. I put my hands on my hips, hating how alluring that sounds. “That’s pretty special,” I retort. “You never told me why you won’t kiss me.” His hazel eyes dance down my profile, wetting his lips before returning to my own. “I don’t kiss anyone. I’ve never met a woman who deserves that intimacy from me.”

My muscles are lined with tension, and there’s a deep, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I recognize it as guilt. He doesn’t know what I’ve done yet, and this may be the last time I’ll ever see him. And as much as I hate to admit it, I want to spend one more day with him before he hates me forever.

I take it. I’ve never been good at making the right decision.

It’s so easy to feel like you’re alone out here. Yet, I’m surrounded by life. So much life. Enzo was right—being in the middle of the ocean absolutely does make you feel tiny.

“You’re touching an entire universe right now. A microscopic portion of a universe. It’s an ecosystem full of millions of species, some of them you couldn’t even imagine.” His hands drift to my hips, cupping them in his large palms and squeezing, sending delicious tremors down my spine. “What you’re touching right now is sacred. It’s to be respected.” Hot breath fans across the shell of my ear, followed by his wicked voice, “It’s to be feared.”

“Tell me how you can fuck me so easily knowing that you’ve stolen from me.”

“I could have you arrested.” I shrug and mutter, “I guess then maybe I can stop running.”

I know better than to go out on the water without checking the goddamn weather, but today… God fucking dammit. It’s my own fault, yet I still want to kill the little blonde thief for it anyway.

“Sawyer! Get up here!” I shout, but she’s already clambering to the helm, eyes wide with panic. Just as she slams into my chest, the wave breaks, and I grab her face, forcing her wild gaze to mine. “Deep breath, baby.”

Her name is the first thing out of my mouth the second I break the surface, but it’s no use. My voice is only swallowed by the thunder, and I’m being dragged under again. I can’t let this be it. I can’t let it end this way. But then I’m slamming into something hard, and everything goes black.

I’m almost angry at how relieved I am that she’s alive.

“Wanna tell me why you’re in my home?”

She may be a siren, but she’s mine to hurt just as much as she’s mine to protect.

Still, she radiates sunshine, and all it makes me want to do is wipe it clean from her face. She’s the light that blinds you right before lightning strikes.

“Did he…?” Enzo is already charging toward the door and turning the doorknob. But it sticks. “He fucking locked us in here,”

He doesn't know the terror that was coursing through my system as I swam to him instead of away from him, scared for my own life yet only thinking of his.

Whoever said that breathing exercises help manage anger is a fucking con artist. I've tried a million of them since we've been out here, and I still want to choke her. Biggest problem with that is every time I entertain that fantasy, I'm also fucking her.

“Pretty sure you break everything you touch,” I comment. Her smile drops, but she immediately forces it back into place. However, any light that was previously in her eyes has dissipated, and now I feel like the thief.

There's an entire ocean before me that deserves my reverence, yet all I want to do is give it to her. And nothing… nothing has made me angrier.

She smells of the ocean, and I fucking hate it. It's my favorite scent, and she doesn't deserve to wear it.

“We're a team now, baby. Do what you do best and kill anything unfortunate enough to come near you.”

“Those two I shot decided to stick around. Been creepin' in these halls ever since. Those damn chains dragging across the floor. Used to it by now, but I'll admit it took a few years to stop sleepin' with my shotgun in hand.”

They may be harmless, but I'm not. And something tells me Sylvester isn't, either.

Try as I might to deny it, I have an attraction to doing the wrong thing.

Sylvester, Raven, and Trinity, 1994. Raven? Sylvester mentioned he named the island himself. He must've named it after his wife. So, what happened to her?

Oh, God. He's not leaving.

This does hurt. Because I know when it’s over, I’ll be a fucking wreck.

And I have a terrible feeling that even when I do slip between his fingers, he'll follow me wherever I go. Just like Kev, he'll fucking plague me and won't stop until I'm exactly where he wants me.

Maybe it’s because it’s just so damn beautiful here. Or maybe it’s because, amongst the darkness, I’ve found a safe haven.

I’m too furious. Furious at him for throwing me off the bed, then acting guilty like he didn’t fucking mean to. For going into Sylvester’s room and getting us trapped in that closet. For touching me and making me feel things I shouldn’t feel—that I can’t feel. For messing with my fucking head.

“Goddammit, Sawyer,” he groans. “The fuck is wrong with you?” “You!” I shout, slapping at him again. “Get off of me, you fucking mammoth.”

“You want to hear rude, Sawyer? How about the fact that it’s hard to sleep next to a fucking soul-sucking demon? And you being so close makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Because there’s not a damn second that goes by where you’re not fucking with my head. You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me. Every day, I regret walking into that bar. I hate myself for falling for your lies and believing you were nothing more than a sad girl. I hate that I allowed myself to be seduced by you. And I hate that I can’t stop, even now.”

It’s a girl. She’s standing in the ocean, about knee-deep, black water licking at her legs.

And suddenly, it dawns on me why she’s been getting paler, how she has seemed to have disappeared without a trace. It’s a goddamn cave. Something about her keeping that from me pisses me off.

I like that she feels me. Fears me. Stealing from me is the worst she’ll ever do to me, but I will do so much worse to her.

“Look at that. You can glow, too.”

“You’re right,” he concedes, pausing a beat before saying, “and I’d do it again. I’m the only one allowed to touch you, bella ladra, and I’m the only one who will cause you pain. Capito?”

“You’ve made that clear, baby, and it’s so fucking unfortunate for you that I care about what happens to you.” I push against his chest, but he doesn’t budge, and I’m breathless as I bite out, “Why the fuck would you care?” He leans in impossibly closer, a cyclone of electricity forming in the room. Every time his skin slides against mine, a storm cloud swells, and lightning strikes somewhere around the world. How many others have shipwrecked because he can't stop touching me? “Because I want to see you suffer. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that happens. If that means keeping you alive just so I can tear you down, so be it.”

How am I supposed to breathe if all my oxygen is going to him instead?

Enzo and I stand in the eye of a hurricane, a perfect storm of lust and hate.

“I… heart attack,” I gasp. “You’re not having a heart attack,” Enzo responds dryly. “Dying,” I wheeze. “Need the water police. Call 911.” I’m only met with silence, but I would hardly be able to hear them past the thumping in my ears anyway. Then, “Did she just say water police?” “Ignore her,” Enzo grumbles. “911 isn’t even the right number to call.” “Well, did she hit ’er head or somethin’?” Enzo sighs. “I wish I could say yes. But that’s just Sawyer.”

“Oh God,” I cry, trying to keep my voice down but failing miserably. “Can you see him, baby? Ask him for forgiveness.” “Why?” I pant, another high-pitched moan nearly swallowing the word. “Because you worship me now.”

“Was that the nightmare you were hoping for?” I mutter, feeling the tension thickening between us. He glances at me. “No. It was worse.”

“But you're not upset because I fucked you. You're upset because I scared you.” She's quiet for a beat. “You're right. I've been scared my entire life, and I've been touched my entire life. It'll never hurt when you touch me, but it hurt that you were no longer safe.” Fury explodes in my chest, and I'm whipping toward her, putting my face in hers. “So, I made you feel what you made me feel? I won't deny that I'm the villain in your story, baby, but please don't insult me by acting like you didn't hurt me first.”

“Don't hide your tears, bella. You're so pretty when you cry.”

then fuck Him for making her the bane of my goddamn existence. And fuck Him for making her the one thing I want most.