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July 12 - July 17, 2023
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
In talking with people, do not begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.
“If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
So let’s minimize our achievements. Let’s be modest. That always makes a hit.
Life is too short to bore other people with talk of our petty accomplishments. Let’s encourage them to talk instead. So if we want to win people to our way of thinking: PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
“Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.”
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
“I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
You deserve very little credit for being what you are—and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, and unreasoning deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
I got infinitely more real gratification out of making her like me than I could ever have gotten out of telling her to go and take a jump in the Schuylkill River.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Beginning with questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued, and less likely to bristle at being told what to do.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the Other Person Save Face
Let every person save face.
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
when criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.
“Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts that he habitually fails to use.”
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
