More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
July 12 - July 17, 2023
“I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.”
Criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.
By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes, and often incur resentment.
criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
“I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “… and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to understand and forgive. “A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”
“God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”
“I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.”
“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
“Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.”
“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
If you hadn’t wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution.
Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?”
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for others—things that require time, energy, selflessness, and thoughtfulness.
If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the phone, use the same psychology.
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
Become genuinely interested in other people.
the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.”
“most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl, or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is you, under pressure from your bosses, customers, teachers, parents, or children, a smile can help you realize that all is not hopeless—that there is joy in the world.
the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Always make the other person feel important.
Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to ———?” “Won’t you please?” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”: Little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
how long has it been since you expressed your attraction to your spouse?
Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in other people. PRINCIPLE 2 Smile. PRINCIPLE 3 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. PRINCIPLE 5 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he or she is absolutely right.
A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still.
“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”
“it is impossible to defeat an ignorant man by argument.”
“Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,”
Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Yo...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest that another meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”
“Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.”
