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June 22 - October 5, 2023
a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
“My popularity, my happiness, and my sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”
“If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.”
Criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes, and often incur resentment.
“As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”
Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify themselves, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”
“Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others—yes, and a lot less dangerous.
“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to understand and forgive. “A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”
The habit of finding fault,
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
PRINCIPLE 1 Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”
“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.”
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
PRINCIPLE 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
“Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire… and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”
the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of the other person’s wants.
“How can I make this person want to do it?”
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
“People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”
If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.
The best way to motivate someone to do something for you is to show how it would benefit them, as well.
“self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.”
“First, arouse in the other person an eager want. If you can do this, you will have the whole world with you. If you cannot, you will walk a lonely way.”
PRINCIPLE 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.
you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
“I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.”
I never forgot that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess—for any person, for that matter.”
All of us like people who admire us.
Say “Hello” in tones that show unquestionably how pleased you are to hear the person’s voice.
“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.”
Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”
“when a boy realizes that he will not be able to walk for life, he is shocked at first. But after he gets over the shock, he usually adjusts to his condition and then becomes just as happy as any other boy.”
