How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders (Dale Carnegie Books)

by Dale Carnegie

PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

“The way to get things done,” says Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”

PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

IN A NUTSHELL Win People to Your Way of Thinking PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE 2 Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately. PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives. PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas. PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule—and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a man like that, could you?

The word “but” means trouble and the person on the receiving end knows it. Don’t use it! Find a better and more honest way to present your case.

PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.

PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.

Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation? Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something said just to manipulate.

PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

There is an old saying: “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well shoot him.” It means that we respond to what others believe about us. If a young person is labeled a “troublemaker” or a “delinquent,” you can bet that they will live up to that reputation! And, by God, why shouldn’t they? They have already been condemned and feel they have nothing to lose.

The Exchange Buffets let the public know that they feel their customers are honest, so everyone—rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief—everyone lives up to the reputation of honesty that is bestowed upon them.

PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

IN A NUTSHELL NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation. PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face. PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.