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April 9 - May 9, 2023
It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
First, he had the ability to put his personality across the footlights. He was a master showman. He knew human nature. Everything he did, every gesture, every intonation of his voice, every lifting of an eyebrow had been carefully rehearsed, and his actions were timed to split seconds. But, in addition to that, Thurston had a genuine interest in people. He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, “Well, there’s a bunch of suckers out there; I’ll fool them, all right.” Thurston’s viewpoint was totally different. He told me that every time he went on stage he
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I never forgot that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess—for any person, for that matter.”
If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for others—things that require time, energy, selflessness, and thoughtfulness.
If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the phone, use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that show unquestionably how pleased you are to hear the person’s voice.
A long time ago, a hundred years before Christ was born, a Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked: “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street—both parties benefit.
PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
“I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me. I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievances in a cheerful manner. I smile as I listen to them and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier. I find that smiles are bringing me money, every day.
“I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation. I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now trying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionized my life.
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness and there is one sure way to find it: by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”
“Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handshake. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the
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Especially when that someone is you, under pressure from your bosses, customers, teachers, parents, or children, a smile can help you realize that all is not hopeless—that there is joy in the world.
PRINCIPLE 2 Smile.
Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out their complete name and some facts about their family, business, and political opinions. He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard. No wonder he developed a following!
Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression, and general appearance.
PRINCIPLE 3 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk.
Robert responded, “No, but I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something, you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me.”
People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. And “those people who think only of themselves,” said Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, longtime president of Columbia University, “are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated no matter how instructed they may be.”
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
The answer was simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
You notice, don’t you, that Mr. Chalif didn’t begin by talking about the Boy Scouts, or the jamboree in Europe, or what it was he really wanted? He talked in terms of what interested the other man.
PRINCIPLE 5 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, “hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise.” All of us want that. So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.
You don’t have to wait until you are ambassador to France or head of the Clambake Committee of your lodge before you use this philosophy of appreciation. You can work magic with it almost every day.
Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to ———?” “Won’t you please?” “Would you mind?” “Thank you”: Little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure path to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.
No matter how “important” or successful you are, no one is immune to the pleasure of someone taking interest in you as a person—as Donald M.
Where should you and I begin applying this magic touchstone of appreciation? Why not begin right at home? I don’t know of any other place where it is more needed—or more neglected.
All you had to do was to talk to a woman about herself.
PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
IN A NUTSHELL SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in other people. PRINCIPLE 2 Smile. PRINCIPLE 3 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. PRINCIPLE 4 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. PRINCIPLE 5 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.” The man who said that taught me a lesson I’ll never forget. I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative.
As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.
Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he or she is absolutely right. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other person and shoot their argument full of holes and prove that they are non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about them? You have made them feel inferior. You have hurt their pride. They will resent your triumph. And— A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still.
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”
You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument, but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong. William Gibbs McAdoo, Secretary of the Treasury in Woodrow Wilson’s cabinet, declared that he had learned, as a result of his crowded years in politics, that “it is impossible to defeat an ignorant man by argument.” An ignorant man? You put it mildly, Mr. McAdoo. My experience has been that it is all but impossible to make any man, regardless of his I.Q. rating, change his mind by a verbal joust.
He wanted a feeling of importance; and as long as Mr. Parsons argued with him, he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority. But as soon as his importance was admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted to expand his ego, he became a sympathetic and kindly human being.
Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
