Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting

by Clare Pooley

In her experience, most endings turned out to be beginnings in disguise.

Martha spent a lot of her time feeling like David Attenborough narrating a nature documentary. She was an observer, studying a foreign species, trying to work out their habits and rituals, so she could move among them without being rejected or picked on.

insouciance,

I like this word. It should be used more than it is.

capitulate

Another great and underused vocabulary word.

“Bea?” he asked. “My wife,” she replied. “We’ve been together thirty-five years, and got married as soon as it was legal. The love of my life. Are you married?” “Yes. She’s called Candida,” he said. “Yikes. Like the yeast infection?” said Iona. “Well, your wife’s named after an insect. Candida is an ancient saint’s name, actually,” he explained, as he’d heard Candida do many times. “From the Latin for ‘pure white.’ ” “So, a racist yeast infection. Why is it that white is synonymous with pure, innocent, virginal, whereas black signifies malevolence and depression?” She glared at him as if he’d invented the language.

This exchange made me laugh! I knew a woman named Candida once and thought it a rather unfortunate name, ha.

“I think they’re going to fire me, darling,” she said, dropping the words into the empty air behind Bea’s back. “Why on earth would they do that?” said Bea, and Iona could feel the muscles of her back stiffen with outrage. “You’re their star!” “I used to be, honey, but not anymore,” said Iona. “Well, you’ll always be my star,” said Bea. “Always. The brightest star in the sky. What’s the brightest star called?” “It’s called Sirius,” said Iona. “Well, you’re my Sirius,” said Bea. “Siriusly?” said Iona, pulling Bea even more tightly toward her and forcing a small laugh to muffle the sound of her crying.

Marriage. This is it.

“She could talk to him about how pornography isn’t real. I mean, actual girls don’t look like those girls, do they? And actual sex certainly shouldn’t be like that sex. She’d be doing all his future girlfriends a service, wouldn’t she?” said Emmie.

Smart

Sanjay felt like one of the magical creatures of Narnia, seeing the evidence of the White Witch’s powers diminishing. A beaver, maybe. Or a faun. He’d rather be a faun.

Love that imagery.

Sometimes fate just shows you the way to go and you have no option but to follow.

“Darling, what is the point of being alive if you go through life unnoticed, without standing out and making waves?

If a person doesn’t have a job, and isn’t being paid, do they have any value? Iona certainly felt worthless. Was this it? Was this the end of her productive life?

Been there.

“If you give up, they win, darling,” she’d said. “They want us to be small, so we have to stand tall. They want us to be invisible, so we have to be seen. They want us to be quiet, so we have to be heard. They want us to surrender, so we have to fight.”

“No woman is anyone’s ‘other half.’ We are all entire people. Completely whole, and totally unique. But sometimes when you put two very different whole people together, a kind of magic, an alchemy, occurs. Bea said I was like eggs and sugar, and she was flour and butter, and when you mixed us together, we were more than just the combination of our ingredients, we were the whole damn cake. And the problem is, when you’re used to being a magnificent, mouthwatering cake, it’s really, really hard to get used to being just eggs and sugar once more.”

“Your anxiety is the other side of the coin of your empathy. I suspect that’s why you’re such a good nurse. But there must be a way of finding a healthier balance—to care deeply about your patients while still protecting yourself. Remember the saying You need to fit your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else fit theirs?”

in life confidence was everything. If you’re going to get it wrong, Martha, make sure you get it wrong with PANACHE! Surely they’ll give you a mark for style, at least?

When the thing you’ve feared for so long actually happens, you have nothing left to be scared of anymore.

YES

Instead of feeling ashamed of his miserable childhood, and running away from it, she’d taught him to make peace with himself, and to be proud of how far he’d come. Your past experiences, she’d explained, are the foundations on which you build your future. Build them on pride, not shame. Denying your history leaves your house standing on sand, always in danger of collapsing.

Why was it that men with gray hair and wrinkles achieved gravitas, whereas well-preserved women like herself became invisible?

the best way to heal is to give back, to focus on someone other than yourself.

“The only way to be guaranteed of failure, dear boy, is not to try,” said Iona. “Love is the greatest risk of all, but a life without it is meaningless.” “That’s really poetic, Iona,” said Martha. “Who said that?” “I did, dear girl,” replied Iona. “Just now.”

“No need to sink to his level. Remember what dear Michelle Obama says: When they go low, we go high! I’ll soften it a little.”