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I want to say fuck it to all the reasons we shouldn’t be here. But I can’t stop it running through my head.
This will change everything… This is my last shot… Is another kiss worth ruining the friendship?
God, this feels like heaven. She feels like heaven.
I discovered tonight. Summer wants this too, and that changes everything.
“I’m sorry, Joel. One day she’ll realize how amazing you are, but don’t wait around. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
I answer for him, even though I’ve seen something more between us.
My smile’s big, my heart’s full, life is good.
And that’s the only reason I did what I did. I’ll do just about anything to see that smile.
I shouldn’t have slept with Dylan. It had the potential to ruin everything between us, and yet, I can’t bring myself to regret it. I could try to tell myself it was meaningless, but there was an undeniable connection.
Would my life have turned out differently, if I had known Dylan as a child?
Ugh, why does he have to be so freaking amazing all the time? Not to mention gorgeous. The way his eyes light up when he smiles, and the sexy way he…shit! I’m staring.
“I know what you said, but why? Summer, I meant that you should be together, not friends. I think it’s obvious to everyone, but you, that you’re perfect for each other.”
“Dylan is adamant in saying you’re just friends, but it’s clear that you two have something, and I’ve only been watching you for thirty minutes. You may not realize this, but he’s different around you—more comfortable, more at home.”
“You both want each other,” she says with a challenge in her expression. “But you’re too scared to move past whatever you’ve got going on. Dylan, because he’s nervous you’ll run, and you because you’re you.”
“It confirmed that maybe you don’t realize that there’s more to you and Dylan.”
“You deserve love, Summer. And I don’t just mean the love that Cory and I have for you. I mean the love I think you have for Dylan. I don’t really know him yet, but I plan to, because whether you realize it or not, he’s clearly important to you.
“Summer, you mean the world to me,” Logan adds when I still can’t speak. “I’d say you’re like a sister, but that’s gross considering what we’ve done in the past.”
“You are the closest person to me. I wish I knew what happened to make you feel like you’re not worthy of a proper relations...
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“I know. And you do. You’ve always been my savior. It’s why I don’t need a relationship. I don’t want—”
“Come on, Summer. How can you not see it? You may not love him yet, but you have definitely caught the feels.”
“Think about what I said.” I’m about to answer when he adds, “No, Summer, really think about it. Don’t risk missing out on something special. You’ve never had feelings for anyone before. Dylan’s a lucky guy.”
Is he right? Do I have strong feelings for Dylan? God, who am I kidding? I like Dylan. I like Dylan. Now that I’ve admitted it, I realize how foreign this feeling is.
Every little flicker in my chest, every spark I’ve tried to ignore… But now that it’s out there, I’...
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Well, more specifically…one person. Before thinking it through, I pull out my phone and send off a text.
and Happy Birthday. My smile grows, and I shake my head. Of course, he remembered.
This is real. Our friendship, my feelings, all of it is real. And, God, that terrifies me.
That smile right there makes everything we are doing together worth it.
Maybe I was wrong to want more from her because I will happily stay in this limbo state of being, until the end of my days, if I can continue to get smiles like that.
“You are one in a million,” she says and shakes her head, laughing again. “This...
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“Thank you. This means the world to me.”
Our friendship couldn’t be better, and while I have loved being Summer’s friend, I want more. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want her, and lately, I think she feels the same.
I shake my head and laugh because at that moment, I know I’m going to make this girl mine.
She’s in a constant state of happiness at my side as she listens to the boys’ antics, and I swear, her smiles are something I’ll never take for granted. They need to be savored, especially since I know she’s hurting underneath it all.
But I’ve never felt this cut up over someone staring at my girl. My girl? Fuck! I can’t even call her that, but God, do I want to.
“I think I like him, Luce,” she adds, and my heart leaps into my chest. That’s all I’ve wanted to hear from the very beginning, and God, I hope she says it to me too.
“I’ve got you. I’ll always have you,”
“You make me so happy, Summer. I’ve never felt this way.”
“Something tells me you are not going to believe what I’m about to say, but Summer… You. Are. Beautiful. Every part of you is beautiful. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have frozen like that. I just…”
“Summer, I really like you. I want us to be together. I’ve never…This feels different. I don’t know how to describe it, but I know what I feel. There’s nothing you could say or do or show me that could change that right now.”
“right now” make all the difference. He once promised to never lie to me, and that’s his way of showing me that he’s keeping that promise. He doesn’t know what the future holds, but right now…
With that one tiny pull of the lips, I know he’s got my back, and he’ll always be there for me. I need tonight for me, so that I can give him my all. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Tomorrow I’ll put all my fears aside and be strong for us.
“I…” My breath hitches as I wait for him to continue. “I’ll always be here. I need you to trust in that,” he finally finishes. I nod, though I can’t help but feel like something is off, and he sighs. “I’ll see you soon?”
I vow to myself that I’ll figure out a way to tell Dylan what’s going on. I’ll work through my hang-ups, and tomorrow I’ll be better. We’ll be better.
“I’m sorry, Cory.” I get up off the ground and walk over, dropping down beside her. “I really am. I just…” “You love her,”
I don’t have to think about my answer. It’s been screaming at me for days, maybe even weeks or months.
“Dylan, when you hurt, I hurt,” I say, repeating the words he once said to me, because they’re one hundred percent true. That’s when it hits me. God, how did I not see it sooner? How did it take so long to figure out that Dylan is my person. He’s the one. He’s my everything. “I’m falling—”
“No, Summer, I know I’ve got a long way to go before I earn back your trust, but I need you to know…I would never condone this. Despite the fact that it could have just as easily been me, they hurt my baby sister. Their lies made me hurt my baby sister. I will never forgive them for that. I will never forgive myself for that either.”
This feels like goodbye, and I’m not at all ready for that.
The farther we drive away from the place I grew up, and from Dylan, the more my heart breaks, and by the time I’ve made it to my apartment building, I’m not sure I have anything left.
I meant what I said last night. Summer, I will always be here for you, if you need me. I know you’re a strong, independent woman, but even the strongest need someone in their corner. I’m sorry that I’m messed up. You deserve the world and right now I can’t give it to you. I hope you understand.
