This Used to be Easier

by Katia Rose

‘Hello, Derek. Welcome to my place. Don’t mind the homeless lesbian hiding under the bed in existential terror. Would you like a drink?’”

There is absolutely no chance I’m going to fall in love in Chapel Creek.

I already knew I was going to give Connie my whole heart some day. I just didn’t know she’d break it.

She was my favourite person in the entire world, and now she’s just a ghost that flickers out of view every time I spot her.

“I...” I want to say it was good to see her. I want to say far more than that. I want to ask what she’s doing here, how long she’s in town, how her family’s been, if she’s finished her degree, what she’s doing next. I want answers to all the questions I’ve lain awake wondering about on more nights than I’d ever admit to anyone. She’s not the girl I knew, but that girl is still in there somewhere, and as I stand here in this grocery store with what feels like miles of space and a couple watermelons between us, I ache to find her again.

Connie was standing right there in front of me, looking like heaven and hell all at once, somewhere between the girl I knew and the girl I’ve tried not to dream of.

“Damn,” she says before smacking her lips together. “You must have a real small dick, my dude.”

“Oh Father, it is I, your prodigal daughter!” I call out.

“She was a crusty old nest full of dead baby birds.”

“Because my best friend’s dad is there, and I need to be with her.”

It was going to be difficult to grow up in a small town as a closeted lesbian with a little brother who has Down syndrome no matter what my parents did.